Men talking at me

[Kellybonita]

A new male colleague has just started in my Job.

He has this way of talking AT women. For example, me , my boss another woman and him went for a coffee. My boss invited him then my boss had to leave early. So we were sitting with him. He will start telling a story about his life, and he will go on and on and on. And not even involve us in the conversation. He will talk at us, and not pause for a second.

To get a word in, is really hard. I will try to interrupt his stream of talk, but he will keep talking on over me. I've become so irritated that if it is me and another woman and him sitting there now, and he is talking on and on about himself, I will just turn to the woman and ask her something completely different. And then the two of us have our own chat. That does get him to stop

I realised i know a lot of men like this at work. They just talk on and on AT women. They expect us to just sit there listening to them.

Do you know men like that? How do you deal with them?

Oh look, the bullies are awake early this morning.

Imagine coming on a thread, just to insult the OP, just to get a kick out of bullying.

Do you think that you sound like you'd be great company? You certainly don't.

Lucky you! I guess it varies by industry and demographics. There was far too much of this stuff in my working life, especially when I was young.

Most of my lived examples of negatively dominating conversations and meetings have been older men. I hope the pattern is fading in younger generations but I work in a different field now and don't really know. I've spent far too much of my life in meetings wondering why some old guy is still talking about nothing. They were normally senior and it was much harder for the chair to shut them up, or other participants to close them down. Sometimes the chair was similarly inclined and they both wittered on at everyone else's expense. When I was younger, I made sure I got key agreements and decisions I needed from attendees before meetings so that my projects didn't get derailed. Then I could largely tune out.

Thinking more about this, the few over-talking women I've known were more disruptive in the general office space (gossiping when people were busy, oversharing their lives, interrupting phone-calls etc..), different ages and normally junior. In meetings, it was almost always certain older and more senior men.

The fact that I’d prefer the company of someone else to you op is bullying?

I am going to guess you have had one hell of an awful and unhappy relationship history with men

No I haven't!

Are you OK? Your posts are very weird.

Thanks for sharing your experience

Are you currently in a relationship? A happy one OP? Do you have many friends that are men? Do you have any sons?

I doubt I’ll get a straight answer

OK men you work with do this? And what do you want people to say? If you only want a specific reply why on earth not just write on a blog instead

You're not owed one. NB This is the only comment I'll be making on this kind of remark here or elsewhere so don't expect anything more from me either.

Yes I think some people were annoyed that her posts in her thread were implying most men do this when all she was basing that off was what happens at her work. Thats what I didnt agree with.

This

Who are you? Any reason why we would be particularly interested in your remarks?

I know women who do this (my aunt is terrible for it... brings every comment by anyone else back to a barely relevant anecdote about herself and launches into a 20 minute tangent without pausing for breath). But I have definitely noticed more men like it, and it's particularly noticeable on Teams/Zoom calls - it's like they can't let a single point go by without talking over everyone else and giving their oh so important views 😅

Women do it, too. I'd say they do it more even.

The OP does not want to hear this.

This thread has been hijacked by weirdos. The OP set out the poster’s situation & asked for strategies to deal with it. I and a few others responded with ideas. The “illegitimi” are instead disputing what she is saying, dissing her, tossing out innuendos.
She came here for advice & feedback, not abuse & trolling.
Get a life, people!

I know more women like this but yes, it’s very annoying.

I think some people do this and generally men probably more than women.

I don't think it's because they feel or think they more important though.

I think it is because they lack the social skills to realise conversation is about having to take turns and actually understanding the social ques that people give off when they feel it is their turn to speak. If they are new they also may not realise that meetings are about taking turns and being careful to say the stuff that makes the most impact as time is expensive.

I generally find people who lack the filter to understand when it is someone else's turn to speak are not that put out when you formally tell them that their time is up. Some even welcome it. If they are put out by being interrupted maybe have a quiet word with them about why you interrupted them afterwards.

You can interrupt people in a more offensive way, like "John please shut up" or in a more positive way "John thanks for all that, sounds good but we really need to hear from Sharon now as to what her department is doing before the meeting ends". Over time they will learn. Or they won't. And if they don't, their presence will generally be curtailed.

I know two people like this (a man and a woman) and they're married to each other. Watching them talk to each other is very interesting, they are both talking and neither listening to each other.

Did this experience inspire today’s thread from you OP?

AIBU to just want to be a housewife?