Men talking at me

[Kellybonita]

A new male colleague has just started in my Job.

He has this way of talking AT women. For example, me , my boss another woman and him went for a coffee. My boss invited him then my boss had to leave early. So we were sitting with him. He will start telling a story about his life, and he will go on and on and on. And not even involve us in the conversation. He will talk at us, and not pause for a second.

To get a word in, is really hard. I will try to interrupt his stream of talk, but he will keep talking on over me. I've become so irritated that if it is me and another woman and him sitting there now, and he is talking on and on about himself, I will just turn to the woman and ask her something completely different. And then the two of us have our own chat. That does get him to stop

I realised i know a lot of men like this at work. They just talk on and on AT women. They expect us to just sit there listening to them.

Do you know men like that? How do you deal with them?

What industry op?

Are you in a relationship with a man op? If so, I’m curious - is this something you’re also struggling with from your DP?

An interesting response given the subject matter of your thread

Maybe say ‘Get a room, you filthy pair’ and enjoy a solo coffee?

Wow such rudness in here. I never said anyone else couldn't have an opinion.

I replied specifically to the person who insulted me and wrote : "oh another man bashing thread" and who said that I shouldn't think that it's only men that do this.

I do think that it's predominantly men that do this.

I have a friend like this. If you try to even answer her she talks over you but I’ve learned to play her at her own game now.
To answer a question or to get a word in I just jump in and continue talking over her. It’s hard to do first off but it gets easier.

Ooh got me!

What an insult! Burn. I can't "grasp" how a chat forum works?

Indeed, their non-verbal behaviour and foot-tapping in our meetings does leave me clutching my pearls 😂

I’m another one who knows more women than men who do this. Not sure why it’s being framed as yet another black mark against men.

You honestly saw that post as “insulting me”?

You sound a bit stressed op

You sound a bit childish.

She probably is stressed that a man keeps monologuing at her and women feel the need to tell her that women do that too.

Does he start taking to someone else when you are talking?

Is that so wrong? Posters offering a balanced view. Some of us saying we think more women than men do it in OUR experience

I agree with others that both men and women can do this and for a variety of arrogant, oblivious or diagnosable reasons.

Shame if your workplace has it as a prevalent characteristic. Perhaps one person started it and now it’s systemic to try to be heard. This meeting one interested me though - even if it’s a “joint discussion” meeting, I’d expect whoever arranged and prepared the agenda for the meeting to do most talking. If you work in a largely male industry, it might just be the logistics of a man setup the meeting. I say this as someone with a CEO that isn’t arrogant but is oblivious to how much he TALKS and adds no value to the end of whole business calls… (no he is not on the agenda when he does talk!)

The op has met him once.

I mean, it could be nerves. I wouldn’t be so quick to judge op

@Kellybonita I do think that it's predominantly men that do this.

OK - but you will feel less annoyed about it - whether it's men or women doing this - if you learn the skill of artful interruption and turn-taking in a conversation. It's an important soft skill to develop in a professional environment. Nobody will teach you this, you just have to learn and practise it. Also remember that in doing this you can also be a role model to others who might be feeling the same. It's not about being rude or domineering, but it's just about using your verbal and non-verbal skills, tone and confidence to take the reigns.

Enjoy the rest of your day.

All these online meetings you have op that are dominated and taken over by men… is it also men managing and chairing these meetings?

either way… very poor managed

Do you have a male partner op?

I never said I met him once?

But still a new colleague

what industry op?

Yes.

Presumably these meetings were these men are dominating the discussions…. They are dominating both men and women attendees?

Sorry to be clear, you think it is wrong to provide an alternative opinion on AIBU?

I know women like this too. My tactic is to get up and say I have to go now.
Maybe rude ?
Yes, perhaps in normal circumstances. However, they’re being rude in assuming I have nothing better to do than listen to them talking at me.

It boils down to people pleasing if you put up with it.