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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to make complaint to police?

134 replies

Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 00:28

I really feel the police acted inappropriately and am thinking of making a complaint.

A friend of my DD's (they are both 16 and both autistic) has been going through a difficult time with his mental health. Both families are close and he is always welcome at ours. However, myself and his mum are mindfull of my daughter feeling 'responsible' for him or having too much put on her so I've been making sure to check in with her and be available myself if he is struggling.

Recently he sadly took an overdose but when his mum phoned an ambulance he left the house so she had to call the police to keep him safe until an ambulance could come. The poor lad was highly distressed and told the police he wanted to go to his best friend's (my dd). The police phoned my DD and told her they were bringing her friend over to her. I was out and came home to her in a huge panic! The police were aware the boy had taken an overdose and that my DD was only 16 and autistic. How can they think it is appropriate to put the responsibility of this on to my daughter?

OP posts:
TheFoz · 21/04/2025 00:36

You want to make a complaint about the police trying to keep a young lad calm and protected in what was a difficult situation? Seriously?? Bringing him to your daughter may have been misguided but they certainly did nothing wrong. Please do not look to punish people for doing their jobs in maybe a slightly different way that what you would like. Their job is difficult enough without members of the public making shitty complaints.

Sometines you can’t do right for doing wrong.

Menobaby79 · 21/04/2025 00:38

How could this have happened? He is under 18 and so is your daughter. He has parent/s at home.
They can't surely leave him in the care of a lone autistic 16 year old after he's done that?
I would definitely complain. Your poor DD I imagine she would have been in bits.

murasaki · 21/04/2025 00:39

They should have checked that a responsible adult was there, not leaving him with a 16 year old, autistic or not. They fucked up. I'd have a word.

FairlyTired · 21/04/2025 00:41

I would assume their primary concern was the friend refusing medical treatment and his health based on that. If they spoke to DD on the phone and she was willing to see him then at 16 they're technically adults in some senses. At 15 it would have been a different situation.
I would speak to them about how it was handled and but not necessary a complaint.
The alternative to driving him where he wanted to go would presumably have been him leaving on foot and delayed medical support.

FairlyTired · 21/04/2025 00:43

Menobaby79 · 21/04/2025 00:38

How could this have happened? He is under 18 and so is your daughter. He has parent/s at home.
They can't surely leave him in the care of a lone autistic 16 year old after he's done that?
I would definitely complain. Your poor DD I imagine she would have been in bits.

She didn't say they left him there, presumably they took him to wait with friend as support whilst waiting for the ambulance. I highly doubt they dropped him off and left.

KrisAkabusi · 21/04/2025 00:43

Are the posters above making assumptions, because my reading of it, you don't say that they were going to leave him with her and then drpart. My impression is that they were trying to keep him.calm until the ambulance arrived. In which case I think that might have been helpful for him.

If they were just going to dump him, obviously that's wrong.

justanotherchangeofname · 21/04/2025 00:48

At 16, they should have been taking him home to the person with parental responsibility.

Saying that I wouldn't personally complain but the most that will happen is the superiors will check the body worn and ask the officers what happened, if it's deemed to have been in appropriate they'll just get words of advice. (If the scenario is fully how you described when looked at)

Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 00:55

TheFoz · 21/04/2025 00:36

You want to make a complaint about the police trying to keep a young lad calm and protected in what was a difficult situation? Seriously?? Bringing him to your daughter may have been misguided but they certainly did nothing wrong. Please do not look to punish people for doing their jobs in maybe a slightly different way that what you would like. Their job is difficult enough without members of the public making shitty complaints.

Sometines you can’t do right for doing wrong.

He had taken an overdose and needed to go to hospital! Sending him to be looked after by an autistic child is not keeping him safe!! Causing an autistic child to have a meltdown is also not sage for her!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 00:57

Menobaby79 · 21/04/2025 00:38

How could this have happened? He is under 18 and so is your daughter. He has parent/s at home.
They can't surely leave him in the care of a lone autistic 16 year old after he's done that?
I would definitely complain. Your poor DD I imagine she would have been in bits.

I know! My DD was in full meltdown. I totally understand the lad in his distress wanting to come here and if I'd been home it would have been OK and I would have got him to hospital. But why didn't they at least ask to speak to an adult!

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 00:58

murasaki · 21/04/2025 00:39

They should have checked that a responsible adult was there, not leaving him with a 16 year old, autistic or not. They fucked up. I'd have a word.

Yes, I don't understand why they didn't ask to speak to an adult!

OP posts:
Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 21/04/2025 00:59

@Sunshineandpool could they have thought the teenager was just being a bit OTT? What did he overdose on?

Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 01:04

Dd wasn't willing as such, she just had the police tell her this was what they were doing. Being autistic she is absolutely not an adult at 16.

Taking him to my DD would prevent him getting the medical help he needed (until I arrived home.) I didn't explain this very well but the ambulance were there but he didn't want to go with them and wanted to go to my DD instead.

OP posts:
Honon · 21/04/2025 01:07

It was poor practice on their part but I think it's fairly well known that the police struggle with their increasing role as health/social services proxies, this sort of thing shouldn't really be the domain of the police at all and is often (rightly or wrongly) outside their competency. I'm not sure what the answer is but I don't know if I'd make a complaint, I doubt it would go anywhere useful.

Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 01:09

FairlyTired · 21/04/2025 00:43

She didn't say they left him there, presumably they took him to wait with friend as support whilst waiting for the ambulance. I highly doubt they dropped him off and left.

Show quote history

Their plan was to drop him off and leave. It wasn't to wait for an ambulance as the ambulance was already attending.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 01:13

KrisAkabusi · 21/04/2025 00:43

Are the posters above making assumptions, because my reading of it, you don't say that they were going to leave him with her and then drpart. My impression is that they were trying to keep him.calm until the ambulance arrived. In which case I think that might have been helpful for him.

If they were just going to dump him, obviously that's wrong.

They were going to leave him with her. But even if they stayed until an ambulance arrived it would have been a highly distressful situation for my DD and she would have felt responsible. That's not fair on her. She's a wonderfuly supportive friend but there are limits as to what she can cope with.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 01:15

justanotherchangeofname · 21/04/2025 00:48

At 16, they should have been taking him home to the person with parental responsibility.

Saying that I wouldn't personally complain but the most that will happen is the superiors will check the body worn and ask the officers what happened, if it's deemed to have been in appropriate they'll just get words of advice. (If the scenario is fully how you described when looked at)

I'm not looking for anyone to be vilified but words of advice are what is needed if they don't realise how inappropriate it is to get an autistic child to take responsibility for another autistic child who has taken an overdose.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 01:17

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 21/04/2025 00:59

@Sunshineandpool could they have thought the teenager was just being a bit OTT? What did he overdose on?

No. His mum had informed them he had taken an overdose of a sedative and she said it was very obvious as he couldn't walk straight/falling over/slurred speech etc.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 01:22

Honon · 21/04/2025 01:07

It was poor practice on their part but I think it's fairly well known that the police struggle with their increasing role as health/social services proxies, this sort of thing shouldn't really be the domain of the police at all and is often (rightly or wrongly) outside their competency. I'm not sure what the answer is but I don't know if I'd make a complaint, I doubt it would go anywhere useful.

Surely they would speak to the officers and explain why it was inappropriate and what to do instead? I.e they should of phoned his mum.

The police may nor like their role but they are the only emergency service to deal with keeping people safe. There is no one else to ring in this circumstance. Arguably they could have used sec 136 which is of course only a police power.

OP posts:
Floatlikeafeather2 · 21/04/2025 02:16

It's still not clear - did they actually leave him with your daughter? Your posts are rather vague. Where was the ambulance? How do you know what he actually said to the police? If he was slurring his words and in a panic, they might have had great difficulty getting to the bottom of what he was telling them. How were they to know your daughter is autistic? Where were they all when you got home? It's hard to tell whether it merits a complaint or not from what you've said here.

Pippa12 · 21/04/2025 02:31

Did the boy actually come to your house?

Im confused why the police didn’t take him to A&E?

Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 02:36

Sorry, not meaning to be vague. They intended to leave the boy with my daughter, however his mum ended up finding him (with the police) and getting him into the ambulance. DD was left thinking he was going to turn up any moment.

The ambulance crew were with the boy. His mum filled me in on what he said to the police. He probably was hard to understand but they were aware he had taken an overdose and needed medical attention. If they had asked to speak to an adult they would have found out that she was autistic.
I got home and my daughter was in meltdown and saying the police were bringing her friend here. Luckily, friend's mum rang me to let me know about her son - she had no idea at the time that they had told DD they were bringing her son over. This was later corroborated by her son.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 02:38

Pippa12 · 21/04/2025 02:31

Did the boy actually come to your house?

Im confused why the police didn’t take him to A&E?

No, he didn't as his mum found him and got him into the ambulance. DD was left still thinking he was coming.

It seemed that neither the police nor the ambulance crew could persuade him to go in the ambulance.

OP posts:
JellybeanQueen0105 · 21/04/2025 03:02

I think I would be making a complaint.

Regardless of whether or not your daughter is autistic, it is highly inappropriate to leave a child, who has overdosed and obviously requiring emergency medical attention, in the care of another child! That responsibility should never have been placed on the shoulders of a child, who obviously would not have been able to provide him with the medical care he needed. The fact your daughter also happens to be autistic adds another factor that they hadn’t considered, resulting in now two children being distressed.

The police have the power to have detained your DD’s friend and taken him to the hospital, which is where he needed to be.

It’s mad to me that they would even consider dropping him off and leaving him anywhere other than in the care of a medical professional when he had overdosed.

Pippa12 · 21/04/2025 05:44

In all honesty, I do not think the police were ever going to bring this boy to your daughter. I think, in good faith, your daughter has misunderstood.

Glitchymn1 · 21/04/2025 05:52

Floatlikeafeather2 · 21/04/2025 02:16

It's still not clear - did they actually leave him with your daughter? Your posts are rather vague. Where was the ambulance? How do you know what he actually said to the police? If he was slurring his words and in a panic, they might have had great difficulty getting to the bottom of what he was telling them. How were they to know your daughter is autistic? Where were they all when you got home? It's hard to tell whether it merits a complaint or not from what you've said here.

This. Even with the update, it’s still unclear.
So his mum got him in the ambulance.
He was never dropped to your DD.