AIBU to make complaint to police?

[Sunshineandpool]

I really feel the police acted inappropriately and am thinking of making a complaint.

A friend of my DD's (they are both 16 and both autistic) has been going through a difficult time with his mental health. Both families are close and he is always welcome at ours. However, myself and his mum are mindfull of my daughter feeling 'responsible' for him or having too much put on her so I've been making sure to check in with her and be available myself if he is struggling.

Recently he sadly took an overdose but when his mum phoned an ambulance he left the house so she had to call the police to keep him safe until an ambulance could come. The poor lad was highly distressed and told the police he wanted to go to his best friend's (my dd). The police phoned my DD and told her they were bringing her friend over to her. I was out and came home to her in a huge panic! The police were aware the boy had taken an overdose and that my DD was only 16 and autistic. How can they think it is appropriate to put the responsibility of this on to my daughter?

The police called her. They said they were going to bring him to her. They called her as her friend did not want to go in the ambulance but wanted to go to her. I don't know if they asked her age or if she was autistic. But as the boy was 16 and autistic it would have been a sensible thing to be thinking about.

They shouldn't have arrested him, no. But they could perhaps have taken him to the 136 suite at the psychiatric hospital.

He wouldn't have been seen by professionals if brought to my DD. Well not until I got home, I suppose. I have told DD if anything like this happens in future to phone me immediately.

He has recovered, thank you. Yes, it was awful for him. I think in his confusion he didn't ask them to phone his mum as she would make him go in the ambulance which he didn't want.

Maybe? But that's really unfair on my DD. Imagine if he'd died and she felt it was on her not being able to convince him to go to hospital!

It sounds like you might have grounds for providing feedback that it would have been beneficial for them to follow up and say they weren’t coming, after they’d phoned to say they were.

The rest, is a difficult set of circumstances with no ideal solution, and no psychic powers on the part of the police. 16-18 is the weird middle ground. You can live alone, consent for some things and not others.

While your ideal is that they took him back to his mums, from their perspective that’s where he had run from. And your daughter didn’t say no.

The best use of time is probably a cold light of day conversation with your daughter about appropriate responses and boundaries. And a plan for any repeats. Even with a complaint being made, it doesn’t prevent the potential for a repeat.

I don't know what the ambulance crew thought, to be honest. But yes, they could have taken him to the 136 suite at the psychiatric hospital.

His mother was not there when they phoned DD. And no, they phoned her to say they were bringing him to her. Not that he might turn up.

I'm glad you seem to find it funny, though 🤨

The relationship between the two of them doesn’t sound healthy and Id be putting distance between them wherever I could. Taking a bunch of pills and saying he can only go to her house to the police and ambulance service, would be setting off way way more alarm bells than anything else. Do we know why he took the OD yet?

At best he is too much for her, she isn’t helping him, the friendship isn’t helping him, so off he goes to get some other friends and appropriate support. Otherwise it’s just going to get worse. Thank god his mother put a stop to it this time. But you need to sort out what’s going on in your home. It’s like you aren’t seeing or don’t want to deal with the real issue right in front of you, so making a complaint to police makes you feel better. But what will actually change other than causing more drama and avoiding the real problem.

Sorry for not being clear. I'll try again.

Mum rang the ambulance as her DS had taken an overdose. However, DS on hearing this left the house as did not want to go to hospital.

Mum then rang the police as she was afraid for her DS's safety considering he was sedated/possibly going to become more sedated. Police said they would find him then could get the ambulance to where he was.

Mum got someone to look after younger child then set out to find her DS.

Police found the boy and called an ambulance. However the boy did not want to go in the ambulance. He told Police he wanted to go to his best friend's. Police phoned DD and said they were bringing him to her.

Mum turned up and got her DS into the ambulance and to hospital. I got home to find DD in a terrible state waiting for the boy to arrive.

But yes, thank you for your advice. We will definitely talk with the teens about dealing with these situations in future.

Thank you, that is exactly why I want to complain so they know how to deal with it better next time.

I don't understand why they didn't either ring his mum first or asked DD if they could speak to an adult.

Hang on. he was unable to walk and slurring, but in the op, she says when his mum phoned an ambulance he left the house both can't be true.

I think we're only getting a confused story, which is understandable if the Op has only heard it through her dd who was clearly upset.

As far as we can tell, the lad wasn't brought round there by the police, so I'd guess it was one of the following:

As others have said, he'd left the house, they were trying to find him and phoned her to see if he'd turned up there.
They told him they'd take him round to her, as a way of trying to calm him down. They may have had absolutely no intension of taking him there, but hoped that would calm him down enough for him to listen to them.
I wonder whether it was the police who called or him - obviously the police would have had to ask him for the number.
Or was it the mum who phoned, asking her if she brought him round could she talk him into going. Obviously this was inappropriate, but I think we can all appreciate that she probably wasn't thinking straight at that point.

So really a difficult situation in all; I don't think there was an easy and obvious way of handling it. They will not have known the situation with op's dd. It may be that she was painted a much better picture than the reality by either the chap's mum or himself.

But the ambulance do not have any authority to take into hospital or treat someone who has capacity who is refusing. I've been in that situation with elderly people a couple of times, where they're swearing that they're absolutely fine, when clearly not, and the ambulance service can do nothing.
In one case they'd broken a couple of ribs (I informally phoned daughter, who I knew, as they left and suggested she "dropped in" very shortly) and the other time they had concussion and a broken nose. Had to rush her in half an hour later when she lost consciousness.
In both cases the ambulance service was advising that they came in and they totally refused, and they said there was nothing they could do. They were clearly upset because they could see the risks, but their hands were tied.

Thank you. I didn't think it was relevant either hence not putting it in the OP.

I know it doesn't does it? He had taken sedatives.

The ambulance was already there.

Any overdose should be taken seriously, because most people who die by suicide or self-harmed previously. The police have a duty of care to safeguard children.

Thank you, that's very kind. As you say it is an awful lot for an adult to deal with let alone an autistic teen.

I agree, but not every police officer is a good police officer.

We’ve recently had some serious issues with antisocial behaviour spilling towards inside our building (and for whatever reason keep pestering my flat specifically) and the police officer (a woman, no less!) just turned to us and said “Well, what do you want us to do?”. Completely dismissive.

They told her. I know they can't 'force' him. In another situation it might not have come to it. It seems all involved were out of their depth. The boy's mum said they (police and ambulance) were all rather young and lacked any authority so struggled.

They can't force him into an ambulance. However, they could have phoned his mum to deal with the situation or me. Just not another child.

Things are usually fine with them as his mum and I manage it. It was just in this situation we were bypassed.

His stomach wouldn't be pumped. He was in need of urgent medical care which should have been clear from the ambulance attending. His mum at no point said 'a 16yo can manage this medical emergency.' They did not speak to her about it. It would not be a 'medical emergency' if he had not taken anything horrendously dangerous! He could have died.
.

And the question about the sedatives were exactly what they were and if they were prescribed. It is not appropriate on here to describe in detail methods of suicide.

My ideal was that they rang his mum, not taken him back there.

Now you're being disingenuous..

That makes complete sense then, if he's in the ambulances care and not being violent then the police don't need to stay

They have a really good relationship. He didn't take the pills and then say he could only go to hers. Yes, I am aware of why he took it.

No, I am aware and DD knows if anything like this happens again to phone me. DD supports her friend and he supports her. And the adults make sure the teens don't take on too much.

Not sure how complaining the police would cause drama? It would mean officers are spoken to about a more appropriate response as was confirmed by a police officer up thread.

He was unable to walk properly as in was falling over/not able to walk straight. And yes, he was slurring.

I've heard it from my daughter, her friend and his mum.

He was so sedated, though, I do think the ambulance could have questioned capacity and the police could have taken him to 136 suite.

I absolutely am not. You asked what sedatives he'd taken and if they were prescribed etc. It is against MN rules to discuss methods of suicide so I will not do so.

I think you were just being nosey. Because you have no need to know all the details. The fact that an ambulance arrived for him tells you it was a medical emergency.

I don't know what you mean?

The ambulance were at the park where the boy was. They were unable to persuade him to go with them.

The police were going to take him to my house for my DD to look after him. Therefore he would not have been in the ambulance's care.