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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to make complaint to police?

134 replies

Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 00:28

I really feel the police acted inappropriately and am thinking of making a complaint.

A friend of my DD's (they are both 16 and both autistic) has been going through a difficult time with his mental health. Both families are close and he is always welcome at ours. However, myself and his mum are mindfull of my daughter feeling 'responsible' for him or having too much put on her so I've been making sure to check in with her and be available myself if he is struggling.

Recently he sadly took an overdose but when his mum phoned an ambulance he left the house so she had to call the police to keep him safe until an ambulance could come. The poor lad was highly distressed and told the police he wanted to go to his best friend's (my dd). The police phoned my DD and told her they were bringing her friend over to her. I was out and came home to her in a huge panic! The police were aware the boy had taken an overdose and that my DD was only 16 and autistic. How can they think it is appropriate to put the responsibility of this on to my daughter?

OP posts:
ScaryM0nster · 21/04/2025 15:19

You seem to be inferring a lot about what the police’s further ahead plans were based on your daughters recollection of a brief phone call.

It’s worth keeping that in mind.

It’s also worth keeping in mind that the threshold to section is high.

There’s a gulf here between what you know and what you have concluded based on secondhand information, about something that ultimately didn’t happen.

Glitchymn1 · 21/04/2025 15:21

Rather than complain, you could ask what the police meant? I find it difficult to comprehend that they’d take a child attempting to take their own life/ heavily medicated to your child. Surely nobody would want that- I would’ve thought you’d need to be on some kind of suicide watch / need to be assessed after that.
Thank goodness everyone ok, I hope that boy gets some help.

Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 15:34

ScaryM0nster · 21/04/2025 15:19

You seem to be inferring a lot about what the police’s further ahead plans were based on your daughters recollection of a brief phone call.

It’s worth keeping that in mind.

It’s also worth keeping in mind that the threshold to section is high.

There’s a gulf here between what you know and what you have concluded based on secondhand information, about something that ultimately didn’t happen.

I don't know how much clearer I can make it. I have spoken to my DD, the boy and his mum. The mum has spoken to the police.

The police were planning to bring the boy to my house. And it is that I am seeking advice about.

I know the threshold to section is high hence me suggesting it as something they perhaps could have done rather than they should.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 15:36

However, this is exactly the situation where 136 should be considered. I don't know if it was something the police considered.

OP posts:
IstayhomeonFridaynight · 21/04/2025 15:38

The police wouldn't have known that your daughter is autistic, so I wouldn't stress that in your complaint, it could give them an out.

To send a suicidal boy to anyones home is crazy. Even if he said that his friend was 20, the police knew he was 16, so should not have been acting as a taxi service. They also knew he'd taken an overdose - and were going to leave him in a friends house, it's very irresponsible.

His poor mum.

Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 15:43

Glitchymn1 · 21/04/2025 15:21

Rather than complain, you could ask what the police meant? I find it difficult to comprehend that they’d take a child attempting to take their own life/ heavily medicated to your child. Surely nobody would want that- I would’ve thought you’d need to be on some kind of suicide watch / need to be assessed after that.
Thank goodness everyone ok, I hope that boy gets some help.

His mum has already spoken to the police. They meant that they were going to bring the boy to my house where my DD was alone.

The police could have taken him to the psychiatric hospital to be assessed under sec.136. Whether they considered this I don't know.

The ambulance crew were suggesting he come to hospital where he would have been assessed but of course the patient has to consent. I would argue that being heavily sedated he didn't have capacity, but that's another issue.

He is getting some help, thank you.

OP posts:
hididdlyho · 21/04/2025 15:46

YANBU, I'm not sure the Police should have contacted your daughter in the first place, given she's not next of kin and his Mum contacted them and was present. They definitely should have taken a minute out of their day to call and update your daughter that he'd been taken into hospital. Even for a NT adult, being told your friend has OD'd is a distressing situation. Though this was likely inexperienced officers trying to do their best under pressure, the impact of their actions should be fed back to them for training on how better to handle a situation like this in the future.

Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 15:48

IstayhomeonFridaynight · 21/04/2025 15:38

The police wouldn't have known that your daughter is autistic, so I wouldn't stress that in your complaint, it could give them an out.

To send a suicidal boy to anyones home is crazy. Even if he said that his friend was 20, the police knew he was 16, so should not have been acting as a taxi service. They also knew he'd taken an overdose - and were going to leave him in a friends house, it's very irresponsible.

His poor mum.

The reason I am saying about her being autistic is that autistic children are often friends with other ND kids. I think the police should have considered that as a liklihood and is a further reason they should have spoken to an adult. But yes, it would have been inappropriate for any child.

I am supporting his mum. It was a terrible shock, of course.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 15:50

hididdlyho · 21/04/2025 15:46

YANBU, I'm not sure the Police should have contacted your daughter in the first place, given she's not next of kin and his Mum contacted them and was present. They definitely should have taken a minute out of their day to call and update your daughter that he'd been taken into hospital. Even for a NT adult, being told your friend has OD'd is a distressing situation. Though this was likely inexperienced officers trying to do their best under pressure, the impact of their actions should be fed back to them for training on how better to handle a situation like this in the future.

Yes, I agree. The boy's mum said the officers were very young so likely inexperienced. As I have said, my only intention is for the officers to learn what they should have done in such a situation.

OP posts:
Moonnstars · 21/04/2025 15:56

How did they get your DD's phone number?
Clearly her friend wasn't slurring that much to hand it over to them? Also if he is 16 and being treated as a vulnerable child, why was the mum not informed he had been found and that he was refusing to go into hospital and won't get in the ambulance? I don't understand the story.

ScaryM0nster · 21/04/2025 16:00

Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 15:34

I don't know how much clearer I can make it. I have spoken to my DD, the boy and his mum. The mum has spoken to the police.

The police were planning to bring the boy to my house. And it is that I am seeking advice about.

I know the threshold to section is high hence me suggesting it as something they perhaps could have done rather than they should.

Show quote history

But you don’t know what the police were planning on doing what they got to the road outside your house.

It could have been drop and scarper. It could have been one of them have a face to face chat with your daughter while the other stayed in the car with her friend.

You’re assuming drop and run. I’m not sure how much clearer I can’t make it (to use your own phrase) that you don’t know their plans.

Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 16:58

Moonnstars · 21/04/2025 15:56

How did they get your DD's phone number?
Clearly her friend wasn't slurring that much to hand it over to them? Also if he is 16 and being treated as a vulnerable child, why was the mum not informed he had been found and that he was refusing to go into hospital and won't get in the ambulance? I don't understand the story.

Edited

The number was on his phone. And yes, that's my point. They should have phoned his mum.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 17:01

ScaryM0nster · 21/04/2025 16:00

But you don’t know what the police were planning on doing what they got to the road outside your house.

It could have been drop and scarper. It could have been one of them have a face to face chat with your daughter while the other stayed in the car with her friend.

You’re assuming drop and run. I’m not sure how much clearer I can’t make it (to use your own phrase) that you don’t know their plans.

Show quote history

I said ' I don't know how much clearer I can make it'.

The police have said they were going to take the boy to my house and leave him with my DD. Therefore I do know their plans.

OP posts:
Moonnstars · 21/04/2025 17:04

Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 16:58

The number was on his phone. And yes, that's my point. They should have phoned his mum.

Show quote history

I don't know much about the police, but this all seems rather strange. If anyone is going to query this messy situation if should be the friends mum. Surely her complaint should be she wasn't called when her child was found, as they could have then explained to her he was refusing treatment and would only go to your DD. She could then have said no that's not appropriate. I think this is an issue your friend needs to raise.

hididdlyho · 21/04/2025 17:12

The bottom line is the mum of a vulnerable 16 year old who needed swift medical response calls police for help. Young man runs off, but Mum's asked for assistance from Police. Police find young man and call OP's (unrelated) DD saying they'll bring him to her as that's what he wants, rather than dealing with the situation with the mum (next of kin) and son. Police take vulnerable 16 year old to hospital and ghost OP's daughter so she's left wondering what's happening.

Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 17:20

Moonnstars · 21/04/2025 17:04

I don't know much about the police, but this all seems rather strange. If anyone is going to query this messy situation if should be the friends mum. Surely her complaint should be she wasn't called when her child was found, as they could have then explained to her he was refusing treatment and would only go to your DD. She could then have said no that's not appropriate. I think this is an issue your friend needs to raise.

Show quote history

Yes, exactly. If only they'd phoned her and she would have said 'absolutely not' to them.phoning my DD.

OP posts:
ThinWomansBrain · 21/04/2025 17:23

So despite the opening post, the police did not leave the friend with DD?

Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 17:27

ThinWomansBrain · 21/04/2025 17:23

So despite the opening post, the police did not leave the friend with DD?

It was as I said in my OP:

The police phoned my DD and told her they were bringing her friend over to her. I was out and came home to her in a huge panic!

Nowhere did I say the police left the friend with DD. And I have reiterated that multiple times throughout the thread.

OP posts:
MistressoftheDarkSide · 21/04/2025 18:24

It strikes me as odd and illogical that all institutions dealing with minors, which includes all under 18s in most cases, are subject to safeguarding, DBS checks, and all the right insurances, yet in a case like this there's next to no checking to see if the young patients demands would potentially put them at even higher risk. Or the person / people being considered as "appropriate".

The whole issue of rights and capacity needs an overhaul in my opinion. While I in no way advocate a return to the bad old days of prolonged incarceration for spurious "mental health" reasons, there seems to be a huge lack of consistency in how the MHA is interpreted and applied, when someone is in acute crisis. Have experienced this in several situations and across various age groups.

While most families are keen to support, care for and advocate for loved ones, sometimes they are just not equipped to do so.

DandiDelta · 21/04/2025 18:50

Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 14:24

And the question about the sedatives were exactly what they were and if they were prescribed. It is not appropriate on here to describe in detail methods of suicide.

Show quote history

It’s also not important because the police can’t categorise between “being a bit OTT” and a serious overdose, not being medically trained. Their role is to get him into the ambulance. It’s bad enough in A&E where young people feel dismissed for “attention seeking” and don’t get the care they need, making them reluctant to go back. The Royal College of Psychiatrists has written about this.

LookingAtMyBhunas · 21/04/2025 18:58

TheFoz · 21/04/2025 00:36

You want to make a complaint about the police trying to keep a young lad calm and protected in what was a difficult situation? Seriously?? Bringing him to your daughter may have been misguided but they certainly did nothing wrong. Please do not look to punish people for doing their jobs in maybe a slightly different way that what you would like. Their job is difficult enough without members of the public making shitty complaints.

Sometines you can’t do right for doing wrong.

Exactly.
This is why the police are on their knees.

An overdose is a medical issue. He obviously wasn't sectionable and was left with a trusted friend, who is over the age of responsibility, whether you agree or not.

Merryoldgoat · 21/04/2025 19:00

TheFoz · 21/04/2025 00:36

You want to make a complaint about the police trying to keep a young lad calm and protected in what was a difficult situation? Seriously?? Bringing him to your daughter may have been misguided but they certainly did nothing wrong. Please do not look to punish people for doing their jobs in maybe a slightly different way that what you would like. Their job is difficult enough without members of the public making shitty complaints.

Sometines you can’t do right for doing wrong.

wtf are you talking about?

Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 19:02

MistressoftheDarkSide · 21/04/2025 18:24

It strikes me as odd and illogical that all institutions dealing with minors, which includes all under 18s in most cases, are subject to safeguarding, DBS checks, and all the right insurances, yet in a case like this there's next to no checking to see if the young patients demands would potentially put them at even higher risk. Or the person / people being considered as "appropriate".

The whole issue of rights and capacity needs an overhaul in my opinion. While I in no way advocate a return to the bad old days of prolonged incarceration for spurious "mental health" reasons, there seems to be a huge lack of consistency in how the MHA is interpreted and applied, when someone is in acute crisis. Have experienced this in several situations and across various age groups.

While most families are keen to support, care for and advocate for loved ones, sometimes they are just not equipped to do so.

I agree with you, it does need looking at. I've taken sedatives and I really wouldn't be in a position to make an important decision about my health and this was only taking a standard dose.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 19:08

DandiDelta · 21/04/2025 18:50

It’s also not important because the police can’t categorise between “being a bit OTT” and a serious overdose, not being medically trained. Their role is to get him into the ambulance. It’s bad enough in A&E where young people feel dismissed for “attention seeking” and don’t get the care they need, making them reluctant to go back. The Royal College of Psychiatrists has written about this.

Show quote history

Indeed. It would be terribly dangerous if they started deciding to not call an ambulance because the boy (and his mum) were apparently being OTT. The police did the exact right thing in this situation on finding him and keeping him in one place while the ambulance arrived.

OP posts:
Kellybonita · 21/04/2025 19:10

I think the police were wrong in this instance