Page 2 | AIBU to make complaint to police?

Sunshineandpool · 2025-04-20T23:28:14+00:00

I really feel the police acted inappropriately and am thinking of making a complaint. A friend of my DD's (they are both 16 and both autistic) has been going through a difficult time with his mental health. Both families are close and he is always welcome at ours. However, myself and his mum are mindfull of my daughter feeling 'responsible' for him or having too much put on her so I've been making sure to check in with her and be available myself if he is struggling. Recently he sadly took an overdose but when his mum phoned an ambulance he left the house so she had to call the police to keep him safe until an ambulance could come. The poor lad was highly distressed and told the police he wanted to go to his best friend's (my dd). The police phoned my DD and told her they were bringing her friend over to her. I was out and came home to her in a huge panic! The police were aware the boy had taken an overdose and that my DD was only 16 and autistic. How can they think it is appropriate to put the responsibility of this on to my daughter?

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 21/04/2025 06:03

Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 02:38

No, he didn't as his mum found him and got him into the ambulance. DD was left still thinking he was coming.

It seemed that neither the police nor the ambulance crew could persuade him to go in the ambulance.

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Honestly it’s like pulling teeth on here sometimes . So after all that going round the houses for a straight answer, you want to make a complaint about the police bringing him to your daughter when the police didn’t actually bring him to your daughter? I’m sure they’ve got plenty of time for such urgent matters.

slashlover · 21/04/2025 06:16

Were the police aware of your daughter's age?

I didn't explain this very well but the ambulance were there but he didn't want to go with them and wanted to go to my DD instead.

But even if they stayed until an ambulance arrived it would have been a highly distressful situation for my DD and she would have felt responsible.

So was the ambulance there or not? You seem to be saying they were dropping him off to wait for the ambulance but also that the ambulance was there?

sunights · 21/04/2025 06:22

I think it would be more useful for you and DD to work on strategies for future crises than to put a complaint in about something that didn't actually come to pass.
I say this as someone who has experienced similar, as based on how you've described the situation and relationships it is more than likely future crises will happen - maybe much harder ones.
I hope your friends son and your DD are both doing okay.

CaptainFuture · 21/04/2025 06:37

So the boy was with his mum and the police waiting on an ambulance, they never took him to your daughter.
Where were you when all this was going on?
Why didn't she just pass the police call to you?
Did she/you tell the police she has an autism diagnosis?
Sounds like making a drama out of a crisis.
And most importantly... what were the 'sedatives' he took and how did he manage to get hold of them? Someone else's prescription or other stuff?

verycloakanddaggers · 21/04/2025 06:42

TheFoz · 21/04/2025 00:36

You want to make a complaint about the police trying to keep a young lad calm and protected in what was a difficult situation? Seriously?? Bringing him to your daughter may have been misguided but they certainly did nothing wrong. Please do not look to punish people for doing their jobs in maybe a slightly different way that what you would like. Their job is difficult enough without members of the public making shitty complaints.

Sometines you can’t do right for doing wrong.

Oh edited as the update changes everything entirely!

Oneearringlost · 21/04/2025 06:53

So the police DIDN'T bring the boy to your house?

Passmetheaero · 21/04/2025 07:01

What a ridiculous post, totally unclear.

Turns out the police did NOT bring the boy to DD’s house at any point. DD THOUGHT they might, so had a meltdown.

CatRescueNeeded · 21/04/2025 07:11

I don’t understand why everyone is pilling on the OP. The police were obviously planning on bringing him there, otherwise they wouldn’t have rung her. They only didn’t do it as the mum turned up. That was a totally inappropriate plan of the police, so they need training on how to deal with these situations if a similar one were to arise again

OP - just make sure you are very clear in your complaint about what happened and what your concern was.

Richiewoo · 21/04/2025 07:12

TheFoz · 21/04/2025 00:36

You want to make a complaint about the police trying to keep a young lad calm and protected in what was a difficult situation? Seriously?? Bringing him to your daughter may have been misguided but they certainly did nothing wrong. Please do not look to punish people for doing their jobs in maybe a slightly different way that what you would like. Their job is difficult enough without members of the public making shitty complaints.

Sometines you can’t do right for doing wrong.

Are you for real. It's a safeguarding issue for her daughter. She's under 18 and vulnerable.

Workhardcryharder · 21/04/2025 07:53

CatRescueNeeded · 21/04/2025 07:11

I don’t understand why everyone is pilling on the OP. The police were obviously planning on bringing him there, otherwise they wouldn’t have rung her. They only didn’t do it as the mum turned up. That was a totally inappropriate plan of the police, so they need training on how to deal with these situations if a similar one were to arise again

OP - just make sure you are very clear in your complaint about what happened and what your concern was.

Or she totally misunderstood and the police/friends mum thought that’s where friend would turn up!

So no, not “obviously”

Lurkingandlearning · 21/04/2025 07:56

I’m baffled by some of these responses. The only place to take someone who has overdosed is a hospital.

If he was upset because he wanted his friend, they could have pacified him by saying they would let her know which hospital he was going to.

Bingbopboomboomboombopbam · 21/04/2025 07:59

Sunshineandpool · 21/04/2025 01:17

No. His mum had informed them he had taken an overdose of a sedative and she said it was very obvious as he couldn't walk straight/falling over/slurred speech etc.

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I would probably reach out to the police and ask what happened/what was their plan. Something there isn’t right.

Marchitectmummy · 21/04/2025 08:08

If this is in the UK, 16 year olds can legally take responsibility for medical care, can live on their own, lots of things.

Parents cannot override their consent for medical treatment unless the 16 year old is unable to or lacks the capacity to make the decision.

So not sure you have a case against the Police in this instance. A boy over 16 requiring medical care refused and requested to be taken to another 16 year old.

Marchitectmummy · 21/04/2025 08:11

Lurkingandlearning · 21/04/2025 07:56

I’m baffled by some of these responses. The only place to take someone who has overdosed is a hospital.

If he was upset because he wanted his friend, they could have pacified him by saying they would let her know which hospital he was going to.

You can not force any medical procedure onto a 16 year old or adult unless they are incapable of making the decision, which as he was conscious l, able to make decisions and presumably objecting to going to hospital this running away.

TheFoz · 21/04/2025 08:13

Richiewoo · 21/04/2025 07:12

Are you for real. It's a safeguarding issue for her daughter. She's under 18 and vulnerable.

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Do you think the police have a list of every person who is under 18 and autistic?

he was refusing to go to hospital, apparently, he asked to go to his friend. I see nothing wrong with that.

TheFoz · 21/04/2025 08:13

It seems the OP is altering the narrative based on the responses she’s getting.

Richiewoo · 21/04/2025 08:16

TheFoz · 21/04/2025 08:13

Do you think the police have a list of every person who is under 18 and autistic?

he was refusing to go to hospital, apparently, he asked to go to his friend. I see nothing wrong with that.

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He's 16 is safe to assume his friends are the same age. It's a pressure to put on a kid who's friend had taken an overdose.

Miyagi99 · 21/04/2025 08:28

CatRescueNeeded · 21/04/2025 07:11

I don’t understand why everyone is pilling on the OP. The police were obviously planning on bringing him there, otherwise they wouldn’t have rung her. They only didn’t do it as the mum turned up. That was a totally inappropriate plan of the police, so they need training on how to deal with these situations if a similar one were to arise again

OP - just make sure you are very clear in your complaint about what happened and what your concern was.

Did they call her though, or did the boy and she’s confused? Did they just say he might turn up there? Why would they call her when the ambulance was already there? And if they did call her were they even aware of her age and diagnosis, this is very unclear. He can refuse treatment but if he’s a danger to himself they would have arrested him while waiting for a section surely.

Fluffyholeysocks · 21/04/2025 08:31

It all sounds very confusing tbh. An ambulance came, he didn't want to get in but wanted to go to your DD. Maybe the people attending made a decision to get him seen by professionals as soon as possible. Maybe he was scared and wanted DD around. As long as he was safe and treated, I think I would drop it. Hopefully he's recovered? Must have been very distressing for him , was there a reason he didn't want his Mum?

Kitkatcatflap · 21/04/2025 08:40

I am still confused and I have read the full thread.

But could the Police have planned to take the boy to your DD in order to for her to convince the boy to go with the ambulance.

TaggieO · 21/04/2025 08:42

this is absolutely awful, and you must complain! Surely the ambulance crew weren’t on board with this? It’s a safeguarding violation on so many levels - he is a vulnerable young person and so is she. It’s not remotely appropriate to make her responsible with him whilst he is in crisis and requires medical attention.

It’s also a violation of police policy. They should have been following section 136 of the mental health act in this scenario, which means the police have to take the young person to a DESIGNATED place of safety in an emergency mental health situation. This can’t be a place designated by the young person eg “take me to my best friend’s house”, it is a legally defined place with safeguarding structures in place, such as A&E or a police station.

Timetochillnow · 21/04/2025 08:56

By all means clarify with the police what actually happened regarding their apparent contact with your daughter.

always get the full facts before going in head first to complain - it does sound like there’s quite a bit of room for misunderstanding

use this as a opportunity to reinforce with your daughter how to handle unexpected situations

CaptainFuture · 21/04/2025 09:03

TaggieO · 21/04/2025 08:42

this is absolutely awful, and you must complain! Surely the ambulance crew weren’t on board with this? It’s a safeguarding violation on so many levels - he is a vulnerable young person and so is she. It’s not remotely appropriate to make her responsible with him whilst he is in crisis and requires medical attention.

It’s also a violation of police policy. They should have been following section 136 of the mental health act in this scenario, which means the police have to take the young person to a DESIGNATED place of safety in an emergency mental health situation. This can’t be a place designated by the young person eg “take me to my best friend’s house”, it is a legally defined place with safeguarding structures in place, such as A&E or a police station.

So you seem to have knowledge of this type of thing.
Do you absolutely, totally believe that the police,rather than follow procedures called up the boys mate and said 'here you go! On you!' While his mother, police and an ambulance crew were there, and they all went... 'yay! Stellar plan!!' Or as pp has suggested, they've called her in case he turns up there?

Lurkingandlearning · 21/04/2025 09:04

Marchitectmummy · 21/04/2025 08:11

You can not force any medical procedure onto a 16 year old or adult unless they are incapable of making the decision, which as he was conscious l, able to make decisions and presumably objecting to going to hospital this running away.

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OP confirmed he was unable to walk and slurring, so not in a position to make decisions.

But even if you were right and the police are obliged to leave vulnerable people who have overdosed and possibly dying, it doesn’t explain why they gave him a lift to his friend’s house, which just delayed the medical attention he needed.

minisoksmakehardwork · 21/04/2025 09:11

It sounds like a lot needs clarifying.

From my, non autistic view, it sounds like the mum rang an ambulance/ police for the overdose. The lad left as he refused to go and mum knew he was likely to go to your dd. Police would have rung her to let her know her friend was likely on his way to her and to keep him there while they made their way to her.

Your autistic daughter, on hearing police and that her friend has overdosed has panicked and had a meltdown. She's understandably not been able to think rationally that the police/ambulance will be coming once friend has got to her.

So, I would raise the handling of this as a concern with police. But also, friend's mum. Who would have known dd is autistic and could maybe have helped communicate what had happened and what they expectations of her were more successfully.

It also might help your daughter if you see if your police force issues the 'I'm autistic' cards as well as setting a plan with dd to manage emergency situations, but also make a plan with the other mum for if this happens again. It sometimes the illusion of control can help.