To ask how you deal with your partner’s crushes?

[RubyTuesday10]

I know I’ll probably be seen as silly but I’ve always been very insecure about my looks after being teased at school a lot, even at the ripe old age of 46. My partner now and then will voice his appreciation of famous women and it utterly destroys me inside. I compare myself to whoever it is and beat myself up about how I’m not as attractive and feel like if he likes this woman, how can he possibly fancy me. He’s into health and nutrition and currently has a crush on this lady called Dr. Federica Amati and talks about how clever, beautiful she is, what a sexy voice she has etc. I cry about it in private because I feel like I’m always going to feel bad about how I look. He says it’s silly and he loves me as I am but I can’t explain it, it just really really hurts to think of him wanting another woman even on a fantasy level. How do other women deal with this mentality and not feel remotely bothered?

I don’t deal with it because my husband doesn’t say things like this !! I don’t think it’s okay? He sounds creepy and a bit of a prick.

My partner doesn't do that to me. It's not kind. It's fine to have celebrity crushes or a "list" or whatever,but why is he going on about it? If he knows it upsets you why do it? What does he do to support you and build up your confidence?

Basically this. I wouldn’t have a clue who my husband has a crush on, if anyone!

Er I don't deal with it because my husband isn't a twat, he's never said anything like that to me

Does your husband know it bothers you?
Tell him to keep it to himself!

I don't because my husband isn't an immature idiot.

He’s not saying it a lot just now and then.

He should think these things in his head.

I'd deal with it by reciprocating and not spending time with him.

I'm not surprised you're upset, he's behaving awfully.

He shouldn't say it at all. Thinking it, fine. Saying it, not fine.

I have no idea who his crush is.

Tell him you don’t need to hear about this. He can keep it in his head. Some couples discuss who they find attractive, others don’t. Tell him it makes you feel bad and you’d rather not know.

My husband doesn't carry on like this bit if he did he would be the one with the problem not me, I would think it was creepy more than anything

Surely people’s partners have celebrity crushes? He can’t be the only man.

He sounds about 19 years old and pathetic. Have a word with him.

My husband obviously finds other women attractive, it would be odd if he didn’t & we discuss our ‘famous’ crush. I have several so shouldn’t he? They’re not even worth thinking about x

I've no idea, it's never something he's ever mentioned.

Thanks. How do you not feel insecure about it though.

He only very rarely says these things but he said it today and I think I’m pre menstrual but it’s just making me feel rubbish.

We would just never talk about it with each other. Hugely disrespectful. I’m sure he does fancy a famous person from time to time but I have absolutely no clue who!

People need to keep their crushes to themselves !

Thanks. How do you not feel insecure about it though.
Why should you be forced to accept it when it makes you unhappy.
He'll continue with this as long as you put up with it. You don't like it, that's a good enough reason for him to stop.
Otherwise you'll spend the rest of your days feeling unhappy with yourself.
Don't put up with it.

Doesn’t bother me at all….

though my hubby doesn’t have crushes really

but even if he did it wouldn’t bother me. 🤷‍♀️

dont know why. Because I guess it’s normal behaviour? And I am confident though in who I am. Which helps I think.

Because I feel secure in my self & I have the same crushes but I don’t think any different of my husband..having a crush or finding another person attractive is normal

I have a huge crush on Jason Momoa. You know what my husband thinks about it?......absolutely nothing, because I dont go on about it in front of him because I'm not a complete dick head.

Its fine to notice other people being attractive when you are with someone- we dont become blind just because we are in a relationship.

What is not fine is to wang on about it in front of your partner. Thats a dick move

It's normal to find celebrities attractive and I have a vague sense of the ones my husband finds particularly attractive

But he does not go on about how sexy they are, I mean what kind of idiot does that to his wife!

I wouldn't feel insecure if he did, I'd just find it really immature and rude

The issue is he tells you when you've said you wish he wouldn't. That's not ok.