Why do some women not like their husbands?

[whatsausername]

I mean this thread with all genuine sincerity, because my husband is the love of my life and also my best friend (married 5 years, together 10)

I absolutely love spending time with my husband, and family in general, and choose this above all else.

yet I have friends who would absolutely choose their friends to spend time with over their husband and I just don’t get it?

today is Easter Sunday and I couldn’t fathom not being with my husband and children

yet I have 2 very close friends who are spending today together, with their kids, but not their husbands. And this is the case for almost all things, all the time?

AIBU to think why are women marrying men they just don’t want to spend time with???

In what way did he change?

I'm sorry, have I read that right - you wouldn't spend a weekend day out with your children and a friend? That's weird to me. I like and value family time, but I also value the women in my life and like taking our children out together. This seems completely normal, having a wider circle is not the same as "replacing" your husband. For example, I have one friend with whom I always do Christmas light trail, another with whom I always do good friday church morning. Our children get along and these are our little traditions. The women I know who have sisters with similar aged children also spend time with them on days out.

I don't see my friends as competitors to my husband, and don't see time with children as exclusively family time. But I also love my friends very much.

But the question was why are women married to men that they don't like. That question is answered by saying that the men change.

Saying that some men change after marriage is not saying that women don't, obviously.

Although it is a known phenomena that men ramp up bad behaviour when women are "trapped" with children. Socially and financially, men are less restricted by having children.

I spend time with my friends, dh & I spend time with our mutual friends - and this tends to centre around having meals in each other's houses, going out for meals / drinks etc, going to parties, attending events - music/ theatre / cinema

I meet my friends for lunch or straight after work for early bird meal or wine etc. It's 99% of the time a Thursday or Friday evening.

If we're meeting other couples it's usually a Friday or Saturday night

I go away once a year with 1 group of girlfriends. We generally go for 3 nights to a European city.

As I said we have a wide & varied social circle.

We still spend the far greater proportion of our time together & we work in adjacent sectors so our professional lives overlap too.

I don't think the OP was saying that she has no friends or that she never sees anyone other than her husband.

I understand the point she was making was that she sees other people but her favourite or preferred person to spend her time with is her dh. And she noted that a lot of women she knows seem to be the opposite - would rather spend time with friends than their spouses. And it seems a lot of mn posters agree that they'd rather be with female friends than their partners.

Thankyou for actually understanding. This is exactly what I meant. Clearly I’m not a wordsmith.

It is not a known pheomena it's utter immature nonscence based on a perverse mythology.
Just because women on MN meet and marry absolute bellends then complain endlessly about it doesn't mean it's the norm.

I’ve been married to DH for 35 years. We are still very happy together. We don’t have kids though (not by choice).

This is my thinking.

It has been very common, over the years, for us to be taking different dc to different places.
I'll also add that sometimes one of us would take them out whilst the other is working (both being in jobs that don't end at 5pm on a Friday).
Sometimes one would take them out and the other would crack on with humdrum stuff that needed to be done at home.
There was a time when I would take the dc out on my own as dh was supporting his elderly parents in his Mum's final weeks.
There are just so many reasons why one parent might be out and about without the other parent.

It’s not that they don’t love their husbands it’s that they are comfortable spending time without them too. Personally I find it nauseating when women cannot do anything without their husband tagging along. If I invite my girl friends for a lunch on a Saturday, i don’t necessarily want their husbands to come.

A couple both working 9-5 weekdays with no kids have ample time to spend together.

I’m a single parent and I met up with a friend and her kids on Saturday, her husband didn’t come (I wouldn’t have minded if he did). Our kids wanted to see each other and it was one of the only days I was free this holiday. Not every weekend has to be about “family/couple time”. Many people work during the week and see their friends at the weekends, whether or not they have husbands and families.

This reply in itself is hilarious as I have a degree in English lit 😅

I realise in posting this that perhaps Easter Sunday is not as “special” to others as it is to people in my family a circle. Yes, I would happily see my friends and their children on a weekend. I’m sorry if my original post read as o reserve my weekends exclusively for my kids and husband.

I just wouldn’t spend Easter Weekend with anyone outside my family as it’s a special time of year, like Christmas. We’re actually away at a caravan for the long weekend so wouldn’t have the option of seeing anyone else anyway.

that’s what my original post related to. Back home, our church hosted an Easter family fun day and I was just baffled at my friends going together and not with their husbands. And it got me wondering on women who don’t want to spend time with their husbands.

i really didn’t expect this post to blow up the way it did. I’m sorry if I offended anyone. It was a moment of madness where I posted a crossing thought on Mumsnet. I’ll think twice next time!

Back home, our church hosted an Easter family fun day and I was just baffled at my friends going together and not with their husbands. And it got me wondering on women who don’t want to spend time with their husbands.

To me, that sounds like something to entertain the dc for a while. So we wouldn't have gone together. Not because we don't love, indeed, and like each other, but because the dc were being entertained and that meant one of us could either
i) do something they needed to do for work
ii) crack on with some housework or admin or gardening or decorating or cooking etc etc
iii) maybe catch up on sleep
iv) actually do something relaxing - be that read a book or watch some sport on TV or have a bath or whatever.

Then, as "the other stuff" was done, we'd actually have time that evening to eat a nice family meal together, or, once the dc were in bed spend some quality time with each other, rather than time spent at a 'family fun day'.

You probably guessed that so do I . . . .

In my experience wealthy, busy families who love each other prioritise their limited time for their families. Eg I know many families that will not go to kids birthday parties / arrange playdates / see friends on weekends or certain parts of their holidays as that's their protected family time.

Anyone who's going on holidays multiple times a year without their spouse and kids are probably either can't afford a joint family holiday to the types of locations they can go with their friends (it's often the case in families with a lot of children for parents to go off seperately and kids only get 1 UK holiday). Or they don't really love their DP / family life any more and look for any opportunity to get out.

The trick here is that both parents should be given the same opportunity to holiday by themselves / with friends. And if that isn't happening it's a big problem.

That be abuse frequently starts when a woman falls pregnant is not mythology.

Maybe that’s the difference then. To you Easter is important. To many others, it’s just a long weekend.

I can't fathom married people who always have to spend time together and have no other life or decent friendships, it sounds very boring. My husband says I'm his best friend, but he doesn't have many friends 🤭 Obviously a couple spends time together, lots of it if they live together and have done for many years 🤷🏻‍♀️

Of course women never do.

Don't worry about it OP. Honestly, the amount of normal, rational posts I've seen on here be pulled apart like a carcass by a vulture has surprised me through the years. People either willingly or unwillingly, don't get the point. Don't take it personally OP!

That seems like a hugely unhealthy dynamic.

Misery loves company.

Ah yes, you have it better. Well done you.

I can't fathom people who marry people they don't want to always be with.

I love a bit of alone time, I like time with my friends. I like time with my family.

If you asked me my preference for a "free" day, I'd choose spending it with my husband and daughter. Wouldn't you? Why?

It isn't always about always wanting to be with them.

What I choose what I'd like to do on a free day depending on how I feel. I absolutely love a day to myself with my husband at work and son at nursery. I love to spend a whole day drinking cocktails with friends or going to a gig. And then on other days of course I like to be with my husband and son.

I love my husband and family, but I don't want to spend every second with them. I don't always want to be with them. I absolutely need time away, a balanced life and time with others to ensure I am the best person for them. Doesn't mean I don't love them the most or wouldn't prioritise them.

Again, it depends on the family. Wealth has nothing to do with it in regard to weekends, weather you allow your dc playdates or go to birthday parties. I feel sorry for children that parents do this. Children should be able to spend time with friends on the weekend once in a while or do things outside of the family. I know a couple families that tend to enforce the family only weekend rule (no parties, sports, playdates etc) and they are not wealthy (just appear normal finances).

The holiday thing, of course, if you cannot afford to go as an entire family, then you can't do it. But sometimes there are reasons for people not wanting to go on every holiday together. Different schedules for school holidays, other engagements etc.

You can like your husband and still like separate time.
i love my husband, he’s my favourite person in the whole world but we aren’t attached at the hip, I'm not going to turn down a fun event with friends to sit at home doing nothing just because my husband is there.
have a balance