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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do some women not like their husbands?

416 replies

whatsausername · 20/04/2025 18:51

I mean this thread with all genuine sincerity, because my husband is the love of my life and also my best friend (married 5 years, together 10)

I absolutely love spending time with my husband, and family in general, and choose this above all else.

yet I have friends who would absolutely choose their friends to spend time with over their husband and I just don’t get it?

today is Easter Sunday and I couldn’t fathom not being with my husband and children

yet I have 2 very close friends who are spending today together, with their kids, but not their husbands. And this is the case for almost all things, all the time?

AIBU to think why are women marrying men they just don’t want to spend time with???

OP posts:
mydogisthebest · 20/04/2025 20:19

MooseAndSquirrelLoveFlannel · 20/04/2025 19:52

@whatsausername please make sure you have a best friend that isn't your husband. Husbands shouldn't be your best friend.

My DH is the love of my life, I would die for him but he isn't my best friend and nor should he be. Best friends shouldn't be the person you share your bed with, they're the person who is most important in your life with zero strings attached.

The person who chose to be in your life, and stayed for all the chaos that life can bring but never stepped over that boundary into life partner.

If your DH is your best friend, your life is too small.

Totally disagree. Of course your husband/wife should be your best friend. They should be the person you most want to spend time with, the person you get on best with etc.

I would not have bothered marrying DH if he had not been my best friend and, 45 years later, he still is

unsync · 20/04/2025 20:20

My now ex husband was an abusive cunt. HTH @whatsausername

MrsTerryPratchett · 20/04/2025 20:21

I couldn’t fathom

You're clearly not very deep.

GET IT?!??! I love a good pun.

Thepeopleversuswork · 20/04/2025 20:23

@mydogisthebest

Totally disagree. Of course your husband/wife should be your best friend. They should be the person you most want to spend time with, the person you get on best with etc.

Until they stop being your best friend....

Cynicism aside, I don't disagree that your spouse should be your best friend. But anyone who assumes that this means they don't need anyone else in their life is an idiot. Firstly because there are no guarantees they will always be around. Secondly because in a long partnership there will always be peaks and troughs. But probably more importantly because everyone needs more than one close person in their lives.

Redorangehaze · 20/04/2025 20:24

Your friends sound like they are in unhappy marriages. It’s even possible they are abusive marriages.

I don’t know why you need to be so faux doe eyed innocent about this.

Its surely not a big surprise that not everyone has a good marriage like yours

JHound · 20/04/2025 20:24

mydogisthebest · 20/04/2025 20:19

Totally disagree. Of course your husband/wife should be your best friend. They should be the person you most want to spend time with, the person you get on best with etc.

I would not have bothered marrying DH if he had not been my best friend and, 45 years later, he still is

Show quote history

If most people did this marriage rates, heck even relationship rates would plummet.

3luckystars · 20/04/2025 20:24

IsThisLifeNow · 20/04/2025 20:18

My husband was my best friend till he went out and sex with a man he found online.

He told me a week ago BTW, it's been a shite Easter for me and the kids

Edited

Oh my God. That’s desperate I’m sorry.

i was just wanting to say that some husbands do not want to spend time doing ‘family things’ and their wives just have to make the best of it.
Thats why.

I’m sure most wives would love to be spending fun times with their husbands and families but that’s not how it ended up.

3luckystars · 20/04/2025 20:25

Redorangehaze · 20/04/2025 20:24

Your friends sound like they are in unhappy marriages. It’s even possible they are abusive marriages.

I don’t know why you need to be so faux doe eyed innocent about this.

Its surely not a big surprise that not everyone has a good marriage like yours

I agree.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 20/04/2025 20:26

Not everybody gets a fairytale life and a happy ever after. If your husband is your best friend you are very lucky, but not everybody will meet somebody to marry who is also their best friend. Some women will settle for a man who just ticks enough boxes over taking the risk of waiting for the perfect soulmate but potentially staying single and missing the opportunity to have children if they wait too much longer. There’s no guarantee that everybody will be able to find a partner who is also their best friend, not everybody will get that kind of relationship even if they want it and even if they search for it. Surely that’s not hard to understand?

HeChokedOnAChorizo · 20/04/2025 20:26

Wisterical · 20/04/2025 19:38

Don't put all your eggs in one basket, pet.

When it comes to relationships I was always told it was -

Dont put all your eggs in one bastard

ThisIsMyYearToFindMyself · 20/04/2025 20:27

today is Easter Sunday and I couldn’t fathom not being with my husband and children

When I was married Easter Sunday was no more, or less, important than any other day. We may have spent it together or not, but that had no bearing whatsoever on the state of our relationship.

And when I was on day trips with the kids they had most enjoyment when their friends were there ie the children of my friends. So we went with them mostly. If my husband was desperate to visit the zoo, or playground, or National Trust house with cafe and playground, he was obviously welcome to come too. But he bonded with them doing other things. And my friend/s also enjoyed doing these things with their children. So we went together.

I find it very strange and judgemental of you to judge the state of your friends relationships like this.

JohnofWessex · 20/04/2025 20:27

3luckystars · 20/04/2025 20:24

Oh my God. That’s desperate I’m sorry.

i was just wanting to say that some husbands do not want to spend time doing ‘family things’ and their wives just have to make the best of it.
Thats why.

I’m sure most wives would love to be spending fun times with their husbands and families but that’s not how it ended up.

Show quote history

My oldest son is now 24

DW & I have a 15 & 16 year old

Its great, we have someone who can be the 'Responsible Adult' on the hairy dangerous things like the bloody enormous zip wire at Blaenau Ffestiniog - in the rain while we sit in the cafe..........

Gettingbysomehow · 20/04/2025 20:28

FamilyPhoto · 20/04/2025 18:54

Because some men change after marriage.

Yes this. Mine became an absolute arsehole after marriage and made my life a misery. He certainly didn't start off that way or I wouldn't have married him.

JohnofWessex · 20/04/2025 20:29

Gettingbysomehow · 20/04/2025 20:28

Yes this. Mine became an absolute arsehole after marriage and made my life a misery. He certainly didn't start off that way or I wouldn't have married him.

Show quote history

Can I arrange him a blind date with my ex wife, it sounds like a perfect combination?

Bigfatsunandclouds · 20/04/2025 20:31

IsThisLifeNow · 20/04/2025 20:18

My husband was my best friend till he went out and sex with a man he found online.

He told me a week ago BTW, it's been a shite Easter for me and the kids

Edited

I read your thread last week and I'm so sorry you're going through this! Hope you and the children had the best Easter you could, you've got this!!

MetaphorsBeWithYou · 20/04/2025 20:31

Yeah…that’s really nice for you, OP. I don’t like spending time with my husband because he is no fun, no company and no help. He is anxious, depressed and obsessed with himself. He is his only topic of conversation. He wasn’t always this bad but it has gradually become worse over the years. I’ve been with him for 16 years and we have a 12 year old DC. I say “we” but I’m solely responsible for her and for everything else. I couldn’t leave him because then she’d be obliged to spend time with him and I wouldn’t do that to her. But so nice to hear that you married your best friend.

AlertCat · 20/04/2025 20:32

For lots of people Sundays and bank holidays are the only time they get to do some of their hobbies- stuff that takes a whole half day or longer. If I do an art workshop, or my OH goes sailing, the other of us is alone, so might well invite a friend to do something together.

Maybe the parents are having a day each to themselves over the bank holiday weekend. Maybe one works shifts and is working today, so the other is hanging out with a friend instead.

Why does it have to be that they don’t like each other? Every relationship is different.

Original poster
whatsausername · 20/04/2025 20:32

Ok there’s been far too many replies on this since I last looked an hour ago for me to read them all but Thanks everyone for commenting.

im truly sorry my original post didn’t come across sincere. I’m certainly not smug. Of course there’s days I want to throttle my husband. I might love him but he can also
be annoying AF. And we’re not joined at the hip - I have extremely fulfilling friendships, family relationships and work life.

what I simply meant was women who seem to be married to men they simply don’t like - or perhaps commenters on here are correct and it should read why do men marry women they don’t like?

I guess my belief is just I wouldn’t see the point in marriage if you don’t enjoy the company of your OH. I didn’t choose him simply to have children with - I wanted a partner.

anyway thanks everyone - enjoy your bank hol weekend!! :)

OP posts:
Dogaredabomb · 20/04/2025 20:33

LandSharksAnonymous · 20/04/2025 19:06

Part of being an adult is being able, capable and happy to do things alone - not needing a crutch to see you through your life (be that husband, cushion, rampant rabbit etc).

Oh come on! Cushions are fantastic!

3luckystars · 20/04/2025 20:34

PEOPLE CHANGE

And sometimes those people are stuck and try to make the best of it.

EmBear91 · 20/04/2025 20:34

Do you have children OP?

YourLoyalPlumOP · 20/04/2025 20:35

whatsausername · 20/04/2025 19:05

If my original thread didn’t come across genuine I apologise. I love spending time with my friends! We love going out or catching up over coffee or whatever. And I’m close to a lot of women in my work too. The example I mean is when people seem to ‘replace’ the husband role in their family with a friend.

for example, if im having a day out on a Sunday with my kid; the other adult there is going to be my husband - not my friend!

I just cannot fathom people marrying each other then literally not wanting to spend time together. What’s the point?

Errrrr

i mean I love my husband and I’m incredibly happily married and I love spending time with him

however, I can and do spend time with other people with also…..

it doesn’t mean I don’t love my husband and want to ravish him constantly. It means I am a level headed human being.

Thriftine · 20/04/2025 20:35

I love my husband, but he isn't the same as a best friend. I wouldn't want him to be my bestie tbh. I'm happy with a bit of mystery there and I think he is too.

YourLoyalPlumOP · 20/04/2025 20:37

whatsausername · 20/04/2025 19:05

If my original thread didn’t come across genuine I apologise. I love spending time with my friends! We love going out or catching up over coffee or whatever. And I’m close to a lot of women in my work too. The example I mean is when people seem to ‘replace’ the husband role in their family with a friend.

for example, if im having a day out on a Sunday with my kid; the other adult there is going to be my husband - not my friend!

I just cannot fathom people marrying each other then literally not wanting to spend time together. What’s the point?

That’s two entirely different things
Someone who wants to have family says together
and those who are in very unhappy relationships

they're not synonymous…..yes I adore my husband and he’s my no 1 fan but yes he can also irritate me to high heaven…does t mean I don’t love him and hate being in his company…..

PinkScroller · 20/04/2025 20:38

Because they have friends