Why do some women not like their husbands?

[whatsausername]

I mean this thread with all genuine sincerity, because my husband is the love of my life and also my best friend (married 5 years, together 10)

I absolutely love spending time with my husband, and family in general, and choose this above all else.

yet I have friends who would absolutely choose their friends to spend time with over their husband and I just don’t get it?

today is Easter Sunday and I couldn’t fathom not being with my husband and children

yet I have 2 very close friends who are spending today together, with their kids, but not their husbands. And this is the case for almost all things, all the time?

AIBU to think why are women marrying men they just don’t want to spend time with???

Cycling widows?

Because although I love my husband more than anything we have lives! We spend plenty of time together but we will also have times when he has things planned and so I’ll go out with my friends and (when they were younger) our kids.
Also he thrives on doing things and being busy. I get drained after a few busy days. This week for example we had time away to stay with friends on Wed - Thur, got back early hours of Friday morning. We also had a family day out yesterday. For Friday, Saturday and today, I want nothing more than to chill at home reading, doing some chores and watching TV. He would be bored in 10 minutes and looking for something to do so he may go and meet some friends. It doesn’t mean we have an unhappy marriage or I hate my husband! We’ve also been together since we were 18 and are now 50&51.

My husband is really bad at "relaxing". He's currently teaching DD how to paint walls. I've done a bit of housework but am mostly chilling.

It's an excellent dynamic, especially because he does actually like DIY so he feels like he's busy AND doing something he likes 😂

OP is goady but honestly she has a point because on MN specifically this weird "everyone hates their husband" vibe is normalised to the point that it's one of the number one things non-MNers know about the site (number one being the transphobia, number two the class paranoia, number three "everyone hates their husband there").

It lowers the bar for young women - as if hating your life partner is inevitable after a few years so why bother looking for someone you actually like. Or all men are twats so you may as well settle for the first one who'll give you babies. No, young women should be learning never to settle for anyone they're not compatible with, and that being single is preferable to the alternative.

Oh how I wish he’d put his energy into doing something useful! Although when he does do diy I generally have to leave the house to escape the swearing- it does not come naturally to him! 😂

I'm very lucky he's incredibly handy. He leaves the gas alone, because he's not registered, but everything else he can do to a pretty good standard.

Flat pack furniture though, I have to leave because that does induce the swearing 🤬

From someone that was with her husband for 25yrs, had children together, were best friends…to a widow suddenly and unexpectedly. My advice to anyone that wants to hear it is…if you love them, cherish them, tell them how much they mean to you, make the memories and take the photos even when you think you look a mess….because one day, the memories and the photos will be all you have left of them. Regret is a bitch to live with and none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. I always thought I’d spend the rest of my life with him, turns out he spent the rest of his life with me 😔

I love my partner with all my heart but we are very different with different interests. We are both fairly independent and happily go off for days out with out each other. He took our daughter to London last weekend and I took her to lambing day this weekend. We don't call each other through the day unless it's important (that would drive me insane) and spending too much time together would be too much - thats how we work best. But we do all sit down at the end off the day for dinner and talk about each others day. You do not have to be joined at the hip to love each other.

I love my husband and would choose spending time with him over my friends but fuck me he dosent half get on my last bastard nerve.

50% of my time is spent loving him
50% of my other time is debating which pillow to use to smother him

A couple don't have to live in one another's pocket to prove they 'like' each other.

Omg this ( second paragraph), speaking as a parent of now adult ND kids. My OH and I made a great tag team so the other could have a break

@UmidontknowThat sounds a perfect setup and not too dissimilar to ours

Shh OP, you’re making it worse for yourself

Some of what i read on MN some women need to lower their expectations.
Some want a human atm some cant get enough money their husbands can never do right and will find wrong in everything.

And some of what I read on MN they hate their husbands cos their husbands are shite.

Not everyone has a great husband, but those of us that do spend time with them. Which also seems to be seen as sad.

Basically, you can't win.

You can never win on mumsnet.
I just leave a comment and i move on.

Mostly, I find it’s the husbands that don’t want to spend time with the family and the mums want to provide experiences and opportunities for their dc so find a friend to join them.

Absolutely.

Can he & DD come round mine & do railings?

She's given up and painted herself (she's 3), or I'd send them over for a nominal fee.

You can’t be happily married on Mumsnet without being accused of being smug.

Or overcompensating by saying you're happily married. Or lying.

I was once accused of looking at my husband through rose tinted glasses. Because I actually like him and he pulls his weight (they overlooked the comment about his bad habits).

Just the right size to do motor ship[ engine room bilges then and clean out the starting air reservoirs'

I agree you can't say you're happily married on MN without being called a 'smug married' or a liar.

Many of the perma-singles, and many of the divorcées can't STAND it when women say they're happily married, and they have a decent husband. OMG, it really gets under their skin. 😬

.

Yup lots of stuff I think back on and think why did I put up with that - resentment is there forever even if things have been worked through and have changed.