"Ipad Kid" ??

[Becc91]

Worried I'm going to be grilled for this 🙈... But has anyone else noticed that whenever you go out to eat there always seems to be a sticky toddler with an i pad?!
After seeing this for a 3rd time this week , complete with spaghetti hoops on the screen , a nasty cough and vacant parents who could care less - one of whom was ON THEIR PHONE 😱 i made what I thought was a reasonable request

to turn off the loud video of dancing fruits , only to be looked at like I'd grown a 3rd head?!?! DS (19) typically embarrassed- says I was out of order , but I just can't understand the laziness of it all.Is it just me?😲

under 5 year olds with no sen definitely do have the capacity to sit at the table and converse with adults for an hour. You can just bring little games like uno or some colouring for them to do if they get bored. They don’t need an entire hour of dancing fruits that’s insane. And quite sad that they would just get ignored for an entire hour at a family meal.

my 4yo DC can be well behaved when we are out eating in new places and completely fine with crayons etc. but there are times when she gets bored after half an hour and wants to explore, walk around and end up knocking into other seats. no amount of crayons or table games will do. at those times i would rather her be seated and watch something on my phone while i finish my dinner, than her bumping into seats and disturbing others while theyre eating. i dont want to chase her around the place. i want to sit in my seat and eat the meal ive not had to cook and paid money for. i would be livid if someone interrupted us during a meal to tell us to turn the ipad off. give us a fcking break. you have no idea what kind of day the parents had. maybe they were speaking to their kids the entire day, doing various activities and completely burnt out by dinner time. i cannot believe you went over to their table. unless the volume was loud and interrupting your conversation with your DS, you had absolutely no right!

“How dare you go and disturb someone else!” The irony!

I don’t care what other parents are doing to get by but headphones exist for a reason and loud iPads/devices are just plain irritating, from anyone not just kids. Some people just don’t have that awareness - I have a really lovely friend and the third time I ended up next to her young son watching something on full volume on his iPad at a restaurant I asked her why he had no headphones - she genuinely was confused as hadn’t even realised how noisy and intrusive it is.

Not just kids - adults too - watching things or having conversations on speaker mode in public. It’s so antisocial and annoying to listen to. When did it become socially acceptable?

YANBU there is no way in a public place my children would play their devices with the sound on. It’s so rude. Sound off or headphones on.

Mine wouldn’t be sat at the table constantly on them either but that’s another conversation.

Giving your child a colouring book is definitely not the same as giving them an iPad.

I agree, Op. What utter nonsense to say they don’t have the ability. Mine (both with SEN) did it. We chatted and played games, ate, coloured and just generally enjoyed each others company. Do parents not enjoy doing that now?

Teaching him life skills for failure on most levels there.

If your child has poor impulse control and a raging temperature it's doubly important that they don't learn to manage their emotions with screens. At all. They need extra time, practice and patience to learn these emotional skills. Having an iPad when emotions get difficult is a really, really bad idea. They need to learn to sit with them, work with them, master them. Sucks for you, I know. You've only got a very short space of time when you have enough control to ensure they don't turn to screens to manage emotion.

Appreciate I sound really judgey and I'm sorry.

And although I understand it’s hard to manage, my ADHD DD can’t cope with the sounds of iPads/phones etc in the background even if a low level, her brain just finds the noise and focuses on it. The sound drives me potty, but she picks up on it all and finds it very hard to cope as it’s so overwhelming. We have tried loops but struggles with them all the time. She has gone out for a meal and shouldn’t have to be forced to struggle because of others making unnecessary tech noise. You have gone out for a meal, not to watch a screen.
Have you tried the headband headphones which are much softer? They might be worth a try. It is a choice when you give a screen and have the volume on which is disturbing to others who have paid to go out for a meal. Have you tried other alternatives? I know it’s not easy but please also think of other children who you might be making things difficult for.

Seemingly not. It seems that parents these days are entitled to “have a break” while eating out with their children. All parenting responsibility ceases during the meal because they “need” a break. I used to feel that I needed a break too, but I’d wait until they were in bed not when I was in charge of them during the day. But that was back when if you’d gone into a restaurant and started playing loud music, you’d have been swiftly kicked out!

Why don't these children have headphones?

Exactly this!

Child on another table playing fruit-based game on silent...I can be jugdey but don't give a rat's arse one way or the other realistically.

Child on another table with game on loudspeaker - yes I'd absolutely go and ask them to turn the sound off. Sets my own ND on jangly edge. Can't block it out. Can't concentrate on a conversation on my own table. Might as well have not attempted a nice (expensive) meal out.

A child's ND management process does not trump the ND of any other diner in the place - or the reasonable expectation of every NT diner in the place to have "quiet enjoyment" of their own meal.

Same goes for seniors watching iPlayer/holding a family phone call. And electronics manufacturers have a LOT to answer for removing the standard headphone jack too!

Handing your child a colouring book is the same as an iPad. Keeping them occupied whilst you have an adult conversation. It’s not better than an iPad because it’s low tech.
It definitely is better, no question.

I’m not sure why everybody thinks that using a screen is the only alternative if a child can’t sit quietly. We used to play I Spy, talk about things, generally do our best to keep toddler occupied. If she couldn’t sit still and it was taking a while I’d walk her up and down to look round the restaurant, or take her outside, or over to the window to count cars or something. It’s just what you have to do if you take children out to eat and they can’t settle.

I’m autistic and we suspect the kids are too. All of us are noise-sensitive; we can cope with background talking but add in secondhand video noise and it stresses us all out a lot. I can’t concentrate or hold a conversation if I can hear someone else’s video. General rule of thumb should be you do you so long as it’s not affecting anyone else. If it is, do something about it. (I don’t include screaming children in this - if a child is having a hissy fit and the parents are clearly trying to stop it, I’d have 100% sympathy for them).

In an ideal world, everyone would be able to do everything, but sometimes you just have to accept that at certain stages in your life (such as when you have young children) you’re not going to be able to. It comes with being a parent, and you just have to suck it up and wait til they’re older to do those things.

Motor skills, pen control, patience, discussion about achievements. Etc

A colouring book generally isn't at a high volume that the entire place can hear.
That's the difference.

Absolutely, and importantly it still allows for interaction and conversation where a screen does not. A person can colour in and hold a conversation at the same time whereas generally a screen will capture their full attention and they’ll zone out from whatever is happening around the table.

@NoSoapJustUseShowerGel to be honest I don't care if a child (or adult) is on a tablet or phone - just volume OFF or headphones ON.

Yup. Also teaching him ‘Don’t want to = Don’t have to’. That’ll be really handy later in life. 🙄

"And electronics manufacturers have a LOT to answer for removing the standard headphone jack too!"

Yes, but USB headphones are not that expensive (less than a meal) and a connector from a standard headphone jack to USB-C, less than a glass of wine :-)

Absolute bollocks.

Kids under 4-5 who have had a screen shoved in front of them since birth might not be able to, but an average child can absolutely sit and talk for an hour if the adults are engaging with them.

I take it you don’t have children or they’re adults now and you’ve completely forgotten what an under 4 year old is like.

I don't understand all this "if a DC is on a screen it gives the parents a break"

If you're out with your DC it's family time, you conversate with each other, spend time interacting, surely if you want a break you get a babysitter in and go out as a couple leaving little one at home where they can be on their devices with the volume at whatever level they choose.