Room allocation for SC

[Withoutfearorfavour]

House being purchased 50/50 deposit and mortgage.
4 bedrooms
I have one child full time.
He has one twice a week.
I am adamant she has her room decorated in her preferred style. A lovely bed. Wardrobe with her own belongings etc.

Shes not a guest.
We do however need a guest room and we (he) will have guests weekly. He needs a study.
So do we have the study combined with the guest room? That feels fair.
But then I wonder if he should contribute more as he has more use of more rooms.

What do you think?

What’s your issue with income protection insurance?

ZERO issue hen, your original post though, to which I was responding

"do we have the study combined with the guest room? That feels fair"

Not about insurance. Hidden agenda!

Hope his child enjoys the next 14

Puir wee lassie.

If she’s a poor wee lassy that’s entirely of her parents making, nowt to do with me.

Honestly why do you even want to live with him OP? Putting the room issue aside ...

Your teen will move out in a few years. Why disrupt your teen by moving now?
You own your own home so why shell out on another one?
You'll be helping raise someone else's child for 14yrs once your own child has moved out.
Your partner will have less disposable income for potentially 18yrs to come (not 14 as you said - if she stays in education).
You've only been together TWO years!

Are you worried about being alone once DS moves out?

So you want to pay 50% towards the main bedroom as you will be sharing it with him, and 100% towards bedroom no 2 which will be your daughter's,

then he pays 50% towards the main bedroom, 100 % for the guest room as it is him that will be hosting all these family and friends, and he pays 100% towards the study/office because it is him that wants needs it

which room will his child be sleeping in when s/he ' visits ' - the guest bedroom or the study/office ?

thus in your theory you will pay 150% and he will pay 250% which would work out as 400% in total - i am sure someone here could work that out better :)

Obiv the above is just regarding the purchase of the property

I am sure you would work out a different split for utilities as you and your child are full time, as is he - but his child and guests are only part time...

Believe me, she will.

Well, maybe but that’s for them to sort out.

Do you know what @Withoutfearorfavour I do feel so very stupid, I was actually trying to be supportive.

Thank god I'm not fragile, lassie (at least spell it correctly, and yes that is totally petty😂)

There’s obviously something else that’s at the back of your mind and I have no clue what you’re on about. I’m gonna go to bed so good night.

My god this has got to be a joke! You can’t set up home together on a “pay per room” basis. It’s not a HMO!

Honestly I would pull out and buy separate places if this is for real. You’re not ready to share a house with anyone.

(Incidentally if you’re going down this route at least do it properly, I’d set up a camera in each room or keycards in/ out and have an algorithm for the monthly mortgage which splits the payment into minutes spent in the house that month by each person added to the time their kids are there, for example it’s hardly fair for you to pay equally if you and your DC are in the house for twice as long each month as him and his child is it…)

"There’s obviously something else that’s at the back of your mind"

I was concerned that your daughter wouldn't have her own space and that your husband's guests would be impacting your life weekly.

Huge apologies @Withoutfearorfavour, I've obviously totally misinterpreted.

You both are no way ready for this. Maybe try counselling first before you embark on this massive step of buying a house together. This is more of a commitment than getting married!

THIS! THIS!

it’s a daily thread on here about women putting men above their kids. In what way is this living situation going to benefit your child op.
in a few years your child will be leaving home, why not give them the safety and security of having their home as their space instead of being forced to share with ransoms. They are ransoms, no relation to your kids and could be out of their lives as fast as they came in. Truly despair at the amount of women who will do anything for a man and their own needs.
if you can afford a bigger house, why not save the extra for your kid?

I agree 100%.

Is there any love in this relationship? Just checking x

I’m not aposed to waiting as I said until my DS is 18 and has left for university but I thought that would be worse because then when he returns it won’t be to a house that he’s lived in full-time
Or are you suggesting that I just stay single for the rest of my life ?

Nobody is suggesting you live alone the rest of your life? Although that does seem to go hand in hand with my question of if you're worried you'll be alone?

What's wrong with just taking extra time to see if your new relationship will pan out or not?

Frankly I'd be less worried about the 4th bedroom, and more worried I'd be giving over so much of my life to starting from scratch raising another child that wasn't mine. You could find yourself very resentful of that in a few years to come.

Thats fair

This is bonkers. You don't treat a family home in such a transactional way, nitpicking over who uses the rooms more.
And saying you need to be cautious because you've been 'fucked over' before is fair enough, but being cautious would be things like NOT moving in with a man you've only known for two years, surely? Not this weird pay-per-room setup.
I'd be staying in my nice two bedroomed cottage with my son a bit longer, if I were you. You don't seem emotionally ready to be sharing a family home.

It’s important to protect your capital investment and to be fair about splitting running costs. Absolutely.

But if you’re at the point of being so transactional about who uses the rooms more then you’re not in the right headspace to share a home together.

Your later comments re IPB insurance….. I was an IPB assessor for 16 years, and then an underwriter.

You do realise that payouts aren’t automatic, just because you’re off work? A fair chunk of claims get declined, or only paid for a short time and then terminated even though the claimant is off work?

And as for your partner getting a new IPB policy - not everyone can get cover. Their medical history, occupation, and/or hobbies can mean they’re declined.

Plus of course only a maximum of 60% of your salary can be paid. That might be doable for you as you earn double him, but it might mean he can’t cover 50% of the mortgage and continue to pay child maintenance.

Partnerships aren’t this transactional.

So to circle back to the start, you absolutely need to be fair about sharing costs but you’re also sharing your lives. And that means the burden and balance might sometimes sit differently, depending on life events. You’re not ready to share your life with your partner. Calculating who uses rooms more is possibly the most miserable thing I’ve ever heard. You need to stay in your own homes for the foreseeable - you’re not even close to being ready to open up your life yet,

@Withoutfearorfavour youre a family no? Buying a home for your family not splitting the bill at dinner and he’s had wine and you’ve had a coke. Really strange mentality of he’s using more rooms than me. It’s a home, a team effort if you’re this petty it won’t ever work…

There is nothing wrong with being single. Forge your own path, make a good life for yourself and your son. It's certainly preferable to living in resentment over room allocation which will only fester over time.

Why do you need to live together? I'm a single parent and there is no way I would move in with someone now who has a toddler. Did that with my ex but then had my own kids so it worked. Now the 3 of them are 10 yrs to 16 yrs, it wouldn't. My SD sees me as a very important person on her life. As a toddler then school age child she wanted cuddles and love. I had lots of contact with her mum about how she wanted me to parent her. Now at 16 we have a really close relationship even though I'm not with her dad. She still stays with me regularly. Are you prepared to do this as it doesn't sound like it. You don't have to be single just don't move in together!

So much this! Why are you doing this to your son and yourself after only two years with a man who has never lived with his child full time and who will expect you to help raise her if her mother is unable to for any reason?

You must be a total masochist!

Assuming you are going into this as a relationship not a houseshare this sounds batshit