Man in the park calling a baby sexy - aibu to consider reporting?

[Wiltingasparagusfern]

Just that really. A man in the playground kept singing SEXY at a baby (like that liberty X song tune) and also saying “are you a sexy girl? Are you going to be a sexy girl! SEXY!” Think she was his granddaughter. Her dad was also there.

Didn’t say anything as I was on my own, but there were other parents there too. He was doing it repeatedly. Left the park feeling nauseated and just wondering if it was some yucky family in-joke but well what if he’s abusing that baby or other children? Don’t know his name but know they are local and the baby’s name. Baby was between a year and 18 months I would say.

It was so ODD. I don’t know if it’s reportable or how that would work so please do advise. I have never come across something like this in my life!

I agree with others : unfortunately there's no way to dress it up any better: it's usually poorly educated / low intelligence people that do this.

I find it sickening and totally distateful and inappropriate. But as PPs have said - I think to them it's interchangeable with "gorgeous" "adorable".

The same type of person also is quick to call their toddlers "stroppy bitch" or "little shit" - it doesn't seem to hold the same magnitude for them. And unfortunately shows a high level of ignorance.

I'd feel how you felt. I get your concerns. But I do think it isn't enough to warrant a report. I'm pretty certain of that.

This was definitely a thing where I live 25/30 years ago when my DC were little. I can remember chavy types at mother and baby groups saying ‘Who’s a sexy boy!’ to their babies. It was totally inappropriate but they didn’t mean it in that way. It was just a sign of their limited vocabulary and intelligence rather than anything worth reporting. In this day and age I would probably make a joke out of it by saying ‘you can’t say that about a child in this day and age’ so alerting them to the fact that it sounds creepy to try to get them to think twice about saying it!

I'm astounded - I am old and I have never, ever heard anyone say it!!

To be fair, it’s a banging tune.
But of course not in the context of a child 🥺

I have a German friend, I go to her for honest advice. Also tbf most of my friends are European or American and they are great at honesty 🤣

Relax babe. It’s Easter Sunday. Enjoy some chocolate. Just say away from those babies.

Let's be honest, a paedophile wouldn't be openly singing that in public drawing attention to themselves, would they?

It's just a dumb phrase. I don't like it either but I know it can be used in a different context to the way I would say it.

Remember early 00s when toddlers and kids were going around singing 'I'm horny'. It's still cringe thinking about it.

Edited because I googled it and the song is 1999, 25 years old. Quarter of a century. Good lord how is that possible?!

I think you are the one lacking intelligence actually. The adjective 'sexy' has a much wider meaning than sexually attractive.Look at any dictionary. It also means generally appealing such as sexy car, sexy job, sexy investment I even heard the other day that surgery is regarded as a sexy specialty to go into.
Abuse? Police? Yeah go and report it and give them a good laugh!

I worked in a supermarket years ago and this man would come in with his daughter who was called Lexy and he would shout come on sexy Lexy all the time. It still makes me sick a bit in my mouth when I think of it.
What's wrong with people. How can you not know what sexy means.
It is not an ambiguous word!!

I was 10 and we did indeed sing that along with others like 'boom boom boom boom, I want you in my room, lets spend the night together, together in my room' etc... at school on the playground.

People are reading far too much into popular songs, we knew they where 'a little bit naughty' but the whole reason they where popular was they felt a little grown up. We where however not suddenly shagging because we where desperately 'horny' and inviting other kids into our rooms lol.

Inappropriate songs have gone back hundreds of years, my grandparents use to sing about Fanny and her sisters blister. Just harmless kid cheekiness.

This. Whilst I agree with other posters that what the OP saw likely doesn’t meet the threshold for reporting, I’m a bit concerned with how rude and dismissive some posters have been. Shaming people for opening a conversation about inappropriate behaviour around a child and whether it should be reported isn’t helpful here. That’s why people end up doubting themselves as ‘overreacting’ or being ‘a bit silly’ at other times when something maybe should be reported.

it also strikes me that when language like this is normalised around young kids, the kids (and other witnesses) could become desensitised to when an adult does make comments with inappropriate intent.

I'm sorry he did this to you and your sister - absolutely not ok and your sister is right, he was very creepy . And thank you for sharing because people need to be aware these things happen more than they think.

@Wiltingasparagusfern perhaps he was using the word in a genuinely misguided way but keep trusting your instincts and you might find it helpful to look at Jimmy Hinton's website on protecting children.

A couple of points he makes are that (1) abusers get a thrill from behaving slightly inappropriately around children (eg. Just a bit more physical touch in front of others/adults and (2) will do this to "test" the reactions of children/parents/adults to see who will tolerate slight boundary transgressions.

jimmyhinton.org/

Yes. I noticed that as well.

I know a woman who sadly lost one of her children to SIDS when he was 10 days old about 15 years ago.

Her FB profile has a banner on it saying 'RIP Bob (not his real name) his dates of birth and death and "always Mummys sexy little boy, I'll see you in heaven"'

It's just a strange thing some people say.

Just seen they're white English, but when I went to asia I was shocked that people would describe children as looking sexy and even saw little kids with sexy written on their clothes , they also routinely told me I looked sexy at work but meaning nice and pretty I think! I think it's interchangeable with 'pretty' there they don't get the connotations of wanting to have sex with that person.

I'm baffled and I would feel extremely uncomfortable. Now you have a date and time note down everything and if you see them do anything else dodgy you could try and report together or even get chatting to the dad and find out what nursery the child goes to and you could report there.

She might have got stabbed

I just can't fathom the mind that comes up with that description of a baby. It's just appalling.

Yes, I just don’t get this ignorance or whatever it is, OP. I met an acquaintance who took great delight in telling me how her boy ogles “hot girls’ butts” and “flirts with them”. He’s 10 months old and a smiley, sociable baby, FFS!

How did you respond to that?

Because words and meanings of words change constantly, especially with social media.

And there are different cultures/demographics/county and country differences.

I don't think in any way that she means sexy as sexually attractive or to mean anything to do with sex or sexuality at all.

I think to her and and many others, it means something really good, special, the best.

'Flirty' as a baby has always been a common term to me aged almost 50.

It never meant flirting in a romantic or sexual sense, just that they'd catch your attention and keep your attention and positively engage.

I wouldn't use the term now but it was never something creepy or pervy.

How about "ogles “hot girls’ butts”" in the post you quoted? There's nothing ambiguous about that. It's definitely sexual.

I didn't offer an alternative explanation to that did I?

Catch a grip.