To think you should never cohabit with a man unless he’s paying the majority of the bills?

[ThisSereneSnail]

Split finances = split energy.

With two people do it, it doesn't take long at all. We also make sure we keep on top of things too, we don't just leave it and then do it all in one go because that might swallow up the weekend.

We don't have a cleaner but that's what we'd do if we felt like it was taking up the weekend.

Which is why before I got married I made this a condition.

My dad would too.

In the same way that not all women are desperate to be mothers, not all men are only career focused.

People generalise. But they don't actually ever ask people what they'd rather do.

Great post, WeHaveTheRabbit.

👏👏👏👏👏

That's a harsh thing to say to someone who shows up emotionally to lead on the invisible labour dynamic like remembering birthdays and opening the fridge door sometimes.

Tradwife blog/outrage farming. It’d be perfect if it were a paid position for OP.

🤣🤣🤣. I’m enjoying this thread more than I should.

It’s loads of people. It’s why “50/50” always refers to finances. Dumb but that’s what it is.

'I think the point is you don't have 50% of the independence over your life if the relationship fails.' I do. I am a homeowner in my own right.

'Even if you are married, you can only get half of the assets to this point, if you have sacrificed your earning potential you will still be hit far harder than him.' This is the same for anyone getting divorced. I'd argue the person getting 'hit harder' is the one who has amassed the wealth not the one getting half of it....

Do you fancy anymore stabs in the dark while we are at it. My DH isn't a messy person for a start.

I think a lot of people would lose their sanity working for the man 40 hrs a week to put bread on the table.

'particularly if well educated and used to a mentally stimulating career.' I am an intelligent woman who had what many might consider a stimulating career. This assumption that women who choose to stay home are bored dunderheads needs to be challenged.

'to basically become a cleaner.' There is much more to my life than simply being a cleaner.

'I wonder how your husband would feel about spending his entire life cleaning up after you all.' What is the purpose of you hypothesising about a strangers relationship? He loves his job (being self employed) and I love being a homemaker. I also don't spend my entire life doing this. I actually have time during the day to do what I want to do when I want to do it, my weekends and evenings are always free. I have more leisure time than the vast majority of people.

You've barely concealed your venom. Ask yourself why.

Well no, I clearly didn't say either of those things at all. For unknown reasons you are interpreting/twisting my comment in way you can get offended by, is it because you fancy an argument? Are taking aspects of another person's life personally? Both?

Let me repeat it for you: 'It certainly takes me more than a few hours to properly clean the house.' This is just a basic fact.

'Not something we could do in a weekend.' How does not being able to do it in a 2 day weekend equate to me suggesting it is a FT job !? It is a PT job though.

'With two people do it, it doesn't take long at all.' This isn't the case in my situation.

I accept that sharing the household tasks equally is is how most couples manage it when both are working FT though, it's only fair. We just divide our way of running the household differently, yet fairly, because I don't work.

Like I said previously I don't know anyone IRL who thinks this way. MN isn't a great example to sample.

Unless you have a mansion or don't clean every day, I don't understand how it would take hours and hours with two adults doing it. Or even one, to be honest.

That's a reason why both of us work too, it just seems fair to us that we both contribute financially.

The house also gets less messy when you’re out at work and not there to create an untidy kitchen and bathroom.

Not a mansion, but a 6 bedroom 4000 sq ft property with 5 bathrooms, vaulted ceilings, a vast amount of windows and double doors, hardwood and flagstone flooring that needs more than just a hoover and considerable land that requires maintenance, all of which is not done in a few hours. Simply washing the bedsheets and putting them back on takes all day. I have very high standards and don't like grubby windows, dusty skirting boards or unclean kitchen unit facias etc.

What person would be creating an untidy kitchen and bathroom whilst at home, it's quite the opposite.

Takes hours for me to clean my home and it’s a 1 bed flat!

If you’re at work you aren’t using the kitchen, bathrooms, playroom etc. They don’t get used or messed up if you’re not at home.

Dishwasher doesn’t need loading/uploading etc.

Hours? What you doing to mess it that much

I am a busy person and so by the time I get time to spare it takes a few hours.

I just want to live in a clean house. I feel no need to clean it with my own hands though.

This is how I feel but alas I am the only person available to clean it (a cleaner is outside of my budget.)

We don't have very high standards but I think because we both work full time, we have to use the free time that we do have efficiently. I think if we had very high standards or we lived in a house that would take hours to clean, that's when we'd outsource to a cleaner.

It's also a reason why we don't have a huge house, neither of us would want to waste so much time cleaning it.