To think you should never cohabit with a man unless he’s paying the majority of the bills?

[ThisSereneSnail]

Split finances = split energy.

It's interesting how so many women equate 50/50 to monetary values. I consider my relationship 50/50 and I don't contribute financially at all.

I equate 50/50 to time available. If I were working more hours than dh but he was earning more than me, I would expect him to do more of the domestic load. He does, in fact. We earn the same, but I have a bigger workload and need to bring work home (teacher), which he doesn't. We share the main housework equally, but he does most of the cooking, meal planning and supermarket shopping, plus all the gardening and diy. Except in the school holidays, when I do a bit more.

I think that's the point many PPs are trying to make. An equal 50/50 relationship doesn't mean paying 50/50 on all the bills.

Same

If the person making more than 50% financial contribution also considers it a 50/50 relationship, that's great (for now). If it's only you who thinks that, then there may come a point in the future when it's not great at all. It's always great until it's not and you are undeniably vulnerable to have put yourself in that position.

It’s not just women who do that. Collectively a lot of men say “50/50” to mean financial.

A lot of people don’t count non-financial contributions to a relationship.

I wouldn't consider my relationship to be 50/50 if one person didn't do their share financially but I don't only mean finances when I say 50/50.

I would never have given up work had there not been a safety net in place.

We can all speculate on future what ifs, but being left up shit creek isn't exclusive to SAHM/housewives. Many working women wouldn't be able to make the rent/mortgage and bills alone either in the event of divorce/death. Financial instability is why so many people stay together when they don't get on. I know of two of my closest girlfriends who are living this scenario right now.

There aren't a lot of men on this thread, hence me referencing the other female pp.

'A lot of people don’t count non-financial contributions to a relationship.'

What does that even mean? Only monetary contributions are actual contributions in a relationship? What a miserable outlook. Can't say I know anyone who thinks this way let alone 'a lot of people.'

I do the house, DH does the money. Different but both valuable contributions to running our household happily. If I had to work he would have to do half the house along with me and weekends would be swallowed up with domestic chores before Monday rolled around again. I've been there and done it, it's not for us.

Same.

Precisely. How many women come on here complaining about equally splitting the bills whilst getting no help with housework or childcare. 50/50 is about effort put in IMO. I'd wager my relationship is more 'equal' than a lot of women who are paying the bills.

Our weekends aren't swallowed up with chores at all. I suppose it depends on how you do it but with both of us chipping in and it not all left to one person, it really doesn't take long.

Both of us sharing all of the load, both running the house and financially, feels the most balanced and equal for us.

I guess it depends on the house and the standards. It certainly takes me more than a few hours to properly clean the house including bathrooms, windows, mopping of floors, laundering clothes and bedsheets, gardening etc. Not something we could do in a weekend nor want to spend the weekend doing.

We outsourced cleaning, laundry, changing the beds etc to our amazing cleaner who became a housekeeper for us where she put away the online shopping order, did batch cooking, organised the gardener, handyman etc. kept our evenings and weekends free.

I don't suppose many couples can afford to pay for this level of help.
I could get a cleaner in fact my DH brought this topic up recently, but I don't want to pay someone to do these tasks when I can do them myself, particularly as I'm not employed so feel it would be exceptionally lazy of me. I also hate the idea of 'staff' in the house, though I do have a gardener who helps out. My DH is the handyman when the need arises and the idea of someone changing my bedsheets is waaaay too intimate for my liking.

I think the point is you don't have 50% of the independence over your life if the relationship fails.

Your financial Wellbeing is entirely dependent on him wanting to remain in the relationship. His is entirely within his own control.

I'm not judging this, it seems to work for lots of people. But you are only equal so long as he agrees to this situation continuing.

Even if you are married, you can only get half of the assets to this point, if you have sacrificed your earning potential you will still be hit far harder than him.

I know you won't see yourself getting divorced (but not many people do until it happens to them).

You might find your husband made less mess if he knew he was responsible for cleaning it up...

I think a lot of people (male and female) would lose their sanity, particularly if well educated and used to a mentally stimulating career, to basically become a cleaner (even if it is in their own home).
That's not to say there is anything wrong with it if you don't feel like that.
I wonder how your husband would feel about spending his entire life cleaning up after you all, would he accept this as his 'role' if it was for the greater good of the family? I'd be surprised...

I don't contribute 50% of the finances to the household, but I do work and could support myself and DD if needs be.

Not contributing 50% financially doesn't mean you won't be independent if necessary. Contributing 0% maybe, but financial independence doesn't have to mean that you put exactly the same into the pot as your spouse.

My DH would if we could afford to live on one salary and it made sense for that to be mine (FT and with a few years of pushing I'd be the higher earner anyway).

Some men are content with being in whatever role for the family it is. Much like some women.

I have a job and I get to keep all the money.

Are you saying those who work can’t keep their houses properly clean?

that it’s a full time job to keep on top of it all to an adequate standard?

You keep saying that @FatimasBakery and I know that's how it's supposed to work in Islam. However, for huge numbers of women, including Muslim women, it doesn't happen that way, for all kinds of reasons, not least the difficulty of surviving on one income in the current climate.

He would be quite unusual