To think you should never cohabit with a man unless he’s paying the majority of the bills?

[ThisSereneSnail]

Split finances = split energy.

Gas and 'leccy?

I completely understand why people feel this way and yes, financial vulnerability is real, especially if a partner isn’t trustworthy. But choosing a relationship dynamic with clear roles doesn’t have to mean being financially naive or dependent without protection. I’m not anti-independence, I just prefer alignment around provision and support. And it’s interesting how quickly that gets written off as either a “wind-up” or a risk, rather than a valid preference that many people manage responsibly.

You state you provide the emotional support - what do you do? Concerning that your DH doesn’t also provide this - sounds like a very unhappy situation.

A man should pay all of the bills, in my world. I don't do 50/50 relationships. But each to their own.

I earn more money than DH, it would be incredibly unfair to expect him to pay the majority of the bills just because he has a penis.

50/50. Not because we're roommates but because we're a team and no one is expected to do the majority of anything, otherwise what's the point in having a partner?

In fact Melania Trump is an excellent example of what OP thinks is the right dynamic. I shouldn't think anyone expects Trump brings emotional support and strength into the family dynamic but he will be providing the money. OP is basically suggesting we all follow the Trump marriage blueprint.

Any financial arrangement Can work providing that you’re upfront about it and everybody goes into it with their eyes wide open.
With my particular set up it’s feast or famine. I’ve either got 100 grand in the bank account or I’ve got 10 grand on my credit card.
I’m perfectly happy to live that way. I’ll live by the sword or I’ll die by it.
It’s not for everyone.
And if I moved in with somebody , he would have to cover the bills on a day-to-day basis on the basis that I will then just drop a huge lump sum on the Mortgage, buy him a car book a world cruise, but I wouldn’t be covering the phone bills and that would be the only basis on which I could proceeded. For everybody’s mental health.

Couple building a life together should have one pot, and equal spending money, they will both go further

I hear you and I agree that emotional neglect/financial control is damaging and I wouldn’t choose that either. But that’s not what I’m describing. I’m not interested in being with someone who uses money as a weapon or neglects emotional connection. For me, it’s about a partner who leads financially and shows up emotionally because I show up in those ways too. I believe in different but complementary strengths, not imbalance or exploitation. Just because I don’t want a 50/50 roommate-style setup doesn’t mean I lack relationship experience or don’t understand partnership - it just means I’ve learned what feels aligned for me.

Shouldn't you be quiet and finish the master's ironing? Otherwise he won't pay your allowance.

@ThisSereneSnail since you have ignored every one of my posts I can only suggest you come back in 20 years and tell us all how it’s worked out.

As a 55 year old financially independent woman I don’t think I have much to learn here.

It sounds like you, and the people you’re dating, are immature.

Why should he pay all the bills?

I agree - after 30 years of happy marriage I know what’s right and wrong in a relationship.

But as it goes, apparently Melania Trump is miserable as fuck and they have very little to do with each other beyond what the world sees. Could all be journalistic nonsense of course, and she could be deliriously happy that the energy isn’t being split, however, I suspect not. 😂🤣

Not at all. Masculine and feminine energy aren’t about gender - they’re about relational dynamics. In a same-sex relationship, just like in any other, one partner might naturally take the lead in one area (financial, emotional, practical), while the other balances that with a different kind of contribution. It’s not who pays = masculine. It’s about the dynamic that works best for both people and that can look different in every relationship.

Why shouldn't he?

OP why are you not elaborating on your own personal relationship status and experience despite being asked several times? You keep spouting what you require and expect but you sound like you have little to no real life experience of meaningful (romantic) relationships.

I’m not anti-independence, I just prefer alignment around provision and support.

A meaningless statement. OP, your writing ability and critical thinking skills are very poor.

Why shouldn't you?

Why shouldn't he?

If it's not who pays = masculine then surely the OP isn't worded properly. Going by the OP is certainly is the man who pays.

Why should he - perhaps he doesn’t want to?

I have never dated men like that, so it's never been an issue.

And why shouldn't she?