To think you should never cohabit with a man unless he’s paying the majority of the bills?

[ThisSereneSnail]

Split finances = split energy.

Vladimir Nabokov's instructions to his students before exams: "Do not pad ignorance with eloquence." Good advice that you may wish to take to heart, OP. You may believe that by using words like "polarity" and "provision" (neither of which mean what you seem to think they mean) you can convince people you are expressing profound ideas. But in reality, you simply show that you haven't the faintest notion about healthy relationships and your woolly language can't hide that.

Yes, I do understand and I agree that 50/50 doesn’t have to mean identical tasks. But what I’ve found is that in many modern relationships labelled ‘equal’, the split often looks fair on paper while still leaning heavier on one partner emotionally or mentally and that imbalance gets overlooked because the bills are split. I’m not saying everyone who prefers 50/50 is wrong - I’m saying it doesn’t work for me. I’m not seeking ‘equality’ in a spreadsheet sense, I’m seeking complementarity. Not better, not worse - just aligned with my values.

What about financial competence is 'masculine'?

Why do you need someone to manage your finances, @ThisSereneSnail ? If there are medical or legal reasons, you can have a financial guardian, but it might be a woman because 'having a penis' isn't a prerequisite for the job.

I go with 'From each according to his ability'. DP (male) and I (female) over twenty-odd years have both been the major earner, and have adjusted what we put into the joint finances accordingly.
I'm currently the one with the provider energy

Why would you be doing more of the 'invisible labour'? I presume you are talking about cohabiting with a fully grown adult?

This doesn’t sound anything like your OP or what you’ve been preaching as the norm we should all expect and want if we had any sense. Are you confusing yourself now?

You have no lived experience of 'modern' relationships. You constantly refer to values and standards but you're willing to accept so little from a relationship.

50/50 where possible is best.

It’s fine if it sounds bonkers to you - different values resonate with different people. Masculine provide energy just means I value a partner who leads financially, not because I can’t contribute but because I often contribute in other ways that aren’t always visible on paper: emotional support, home management, nurturing the relationship. Some people thrive in equal financial partnerships and that’s great. I simply prefer a dynamic where roles compliment each other rather than mirror each other.

Tradwife blog looking for outrage farming?

You've just proved you don't know what it means.

An equal relationship doesn't mean you split all bills exactly in half, you both bring in the same amount of money.

An equal relationship means that you are partners. You lean on one another. You split the load as a whole between you equally. For some (you) that might mean the man goes out earning the money while you provide the emotional intelligence. For others (most) it means the money comes in from one or both of you, you both show up emotionally, you both raise your shared children. You don't depend on either of you to do any one particular part of it. You just both show up when needed.

THAT is the true meaning of an equal or "50/50" relationship.

And you 100% don't understand that.

Most women don't need to contribute more in 'emotional support' because they've chosen a partner who is their equal in all ways. 'Emotional check ins' are unnecessary in a healthy relationship with open communication.

For a minute there I thought I'd been transported back to the 1950s.
Wake up OP, it's 2025.

It's like the OP completely expects that a man won't bring anything to the relationship more than a financial contribution and so is insisting that should be substantial.

It's quite sad that you can't envisage a relationship with someone who matches your contribution in terms of emotions, mental load etc. I suspect it's actual quite a defensive mindset from someone who has never had a relationship with someone who is emotionally competent and capable of sharing the mental load.
There are a lot of men children out there so it doesn't shock me.

I think it's sad that she thinks this is the normative situation, dressing it up as masculine and feminine energy. (Possibly has watched 1 too many American tradwife videos on tiktok).

So you would expect to be kept by a man for allowing him the pleasure of living with you?

Exactly - I’m not trying to be revolutionary. Just intentional. The language might not be for everyone but it helps articulate what some of us have felt but struggled to explain. It’s not about being fancy, it’s about being clear.

So… if your goal is roles that complement each other, then you would see how that is not limited by gender… yes? And how this would vary from person to person, relationship to relationship? i.e. the woman could be the “financial leader” and the man could be the “soft emotional… supporter”, or whatever (or - shock horror - they could both do both!)… in which case you agree that YABU to broadly suggest that the man in every relationship simply needs to pay more, yes??

Have you ever read a MN thread about childcare/cooking/housework?
Sadly, there seem to be a lot of fully grown adults of the male kind who feel that that sort of thing is beneath them.

Being clear that you have such low standards that you're expecting virtually nothing from a partner?

I have a romantic interest but definitely wouldn't move in with him as he's wealthy and I'm not?? I'd feel like a kept pet.

Should be fairly equally divided though with slight adjustment for difference in salaries.

I agree. It's very sad.

So is this thread you have started a hypothetical scenario or are you living this dynamic you describe?

Yes I did mean complementary, you’re right. I respect that your relationship is built on equality in the way that works for you and I do agree that stability, support and protection should exist on both sides. But that doesn’t mean every healthy relationship needs to look the same. For some of us, complementarity isn’t about rigid gender roles, it’s about balance and that balance doesn’t have to be symmetrical to be strong. I’m not saying everyone should live this way, just that this is what works for me.

Why don't you do an aibu thread and say this stuff clearly in the first post and do a poll? This will show us how many there are.

I wouldn't. It's not a compliment.