To be fuming at her for this!

[Sicksicksick9]

I own a caravan in Wales and I invited my best friend and her 4 children to come to it for the week for a free holiday with my DS4 her DC are 12, 8 8 and 9 months. started off well but 4 nights in and at 9pm her youngest started being sick now she’s been sick and her and all her kids have been sick at this point it’s now midnight and she’s like I wanna go home. We came in my car though so I’ve now had to cut my DS holiday short to go home in the middle of the night in a 3 hour drive sitting with kids being sick she’s refusing to let me drive my own car stating “not being funny but you’ll make everyone sick with your driving!” My DS is terrified of sick my friend has shouted at him to stop screaming when everyone’s being sick I just feel like this isn’t fair. I think if it was me I’d have seen the night out and got my partner to pick me up in the morning but she was having none of it!!
im angry to the point I don’t think I want to be around her anymore
not drip feed but earlier in the week she passed me her phone to fix something and she’d text her partner complaining about my DS because in her words is “a fucking nightmare” for crying over wanting a donut the crying lasted less than 5 mins yet I’ve listened to her youngest cry every hour of the day and not complained to anyone. Anyway am I being unreasonable to be fuming at going home in the middle of the night when her partner could have picked her up in the morning

@Sicksicksick9 this. Her fully comp insurance will only provide third party cover in another vehicle. As will yours, unless she is a named additional driver on yours, or yours is an any driver policy.

For me I think the only unreasonable thing is that you allowed your friend to decide this and didn’t stick up for yourself! Why did you go along with her ridiculous plans?

Both of us are fully comp My DH and my SiL are both fully comp. She’s only insured to drive our car because she’s a named driver. It’s not an automatic thing like it always used to be.

I’m not great at asserting myself tbh I’m a very go with the flow person I think she’s so used to you going along with what she wants that it didn’t even occur to her that you wouldn’t simply comply. She firmly believes that she is in charge and because you’ve never disabused her of that notion, she’s carried on thinking that. In the kindest possible way, there is a massive difference between being a ‘go with the flow’ person and a doormat. You’ve let her wipe her feet on you. And people who bulldoze others do not like it when they’re told to stop it. Any suggestion that she’s pushed you too far will be met with fury. So, unless you want to carry on being a doormat, you’ve got nothing to lose.

I simply wouldn’t contact her again. And the next time she contacts you, you need to reply ‘I think we need a bit of space from each other after the recent ‘holiday’ debacle. I think we both realised that week what a nightmare it is having to listen to other people’s screaming children. However, I managed not to yell at your DC and you yelling at mine shortly after you woke us up in the middle of the night to insist we had to leave and then refusing to let me drive my own car has been the straw that has broken the camel’s back. It has shown me how unhealthy our friendship is and that I need to make some changes to what I will and won’t tolerate from people’ And then block her.

Why on earth have you gone along with this nonsense and let this clearly unstable and not-coping individual bulldoze you and upset your child? When someone's acting like this you say No to unreasonable requests and unhinged behaviour, and if she then took off with your vehicle you call the police because that's theft.

Make this the last time you tolerate this kind of shit from anyone. For your child's sake if nothing else.

What you should have done was not get in the car with her, make it clear that you are not giving her permission to drive your car, then after she left, call the police to report that your car has been stolen, given the reg, tell them who has taken it and the route they are on, and clearly state that it's a crime actively in progress, and get her arrested for theft.

Absolutely this!!

This is abhorrent behaviour from her. She's not a friend.

You gave her a free holiday. She slagged you off and now she's ruined yours. There is no excuse.

I would have nothing to do with her from now on.

OP is aware since she clearly stated when she first responded about the insurance that she is insured fully comp so the coverage [for the friend driving] was third party.

I’m guessing she drove your car with the caravan attached too? Is she able to do this? I am a solid driver and can now tow with the licence changes but I wouldn’t do it without any training.

just reiterating the point of insurance. You typically have to ask to be insured on other cars and pay more for it.

I can see why she wanted to go home 100% and obviously it wouldn’t have been easy to arrange the travel. Whether you’re in the car with her or the caravan you’d be around it and it’s not her fault they were sick. She’s probably really stressed and forgot how to act. That being said no fucking chance would I ever speak to her again. Even with an apology which I doubt you’ll get.

What is the friendship like most of the time, OP? Is this an anomaly, so to speak, or has she been behaving annoyingly in other ways? Does the friendship feel worth hanging on to generally, or does this feel like a last straw?

People on here are very quick to scream 'block', a lot of the time I think grown adults blocking people (especially friends) is pathetic but I can certainly see why you feel like ending the friendship! However, you described her as your best friend which gives the impression it's been a fairly solid friendship in the past - is it worth having it out with her about how unreasonable she's been on this occasion or is she someone that can't take being called out on stuff?

Hope everyone is soon feeling better, btw. Multiple people crammed into a tourer being sick sounds like an absolute nightmare!

@RawBloomers I saw that post but pretty sure that later op says something that seems to contradict that.

As you are so far from home I wouldn’t haven’t driven her, knowing it would spoil your DS’s holiday
she could’ve asked her DP to collect in the morning when hopefully their sickness would have eased.
she doesn’t sound a very nice person and I think she used you for a free holiday
You are allowed to say “ No”
Practise in front of a mirror so it’s easy to say when necessary

Funny the way people pleasers please every one except their closest family.

Its why I believe it to be an odious trait that feeds the ego of the people pleaser who doesn't give a damn about their own family.

I think it has a narcissistic whiff about it.

Yes to everyone, except those that I should care about and be loyal to, like my spouse and children.

People pleasing is the go to excuse on MN for allowing those you care about to be treated badly while the people pleaser bleats on that they can't do anything about it.

Awful behaviour, particularly when it means children suffer.

Later she says that both she and her friend have fully comp insurance. She does not say that her friend was insured fully comp for her car.

Lots of people pleasers roll over for their spouses too. I think it’s more often about cowardice than narcissism.

@RawBloomers thank you for your input.

I hope you stay out.

Your friend accepted your very kind offer to stay and then took advantage of the situation. I've been in the same boat twice,: once with an elderly relative who complained throughout the entire week (it was "too warm", the sand was "too wet" etc); and once with a work "friend" who spent the entire weekend trying (but failing) to boss me about. Never again. Your friend doesn't sound like a good friend. And there's no way she would have picked up my car keys and driven my car, not a chance. I'd have given her the choice: either stay until morning or get a taxi. You need some assertiveness training OP!

Existing motor insurance is unlikely to cover this. Even if it did you are risking total loss by third party being the maximum covered. But policies have changed, and most no longer provide this. You can get temporary named driver cover at short notice from your own or a separate insurer (if you can find one to contact if out of hours). It is very likely this journey is/was not insured. This carries high legal and financial risk.

This is great advice for the OP

Maybe you're hard faced and lacking empathy for not caring about the other kids who are being screeched at whilst being sick.

That would be the end of the friendship with me. She would rather be driving than dealing with her three sick children, so she says you're a crap driver. Bitching about your child (especially when her own have done worse) is awful. Take her home, tip them out of the car and don't see her again.

Well maybe I’m not, I feel sorry for this sicky children who have a freeloading mother who is such a loose cannon and thinks it’s appropriate to bundle several vomiting children into a car for a 3 hour journey at 2am in the morning, this bully should have waited until the morning when someone could have collected them all.

Where does it say he was screeching? Terrified more like. Takes a special kind of weirdo to laugh at a child suffering from emetophobia. Shame on you if you genuinely have no sympathy for people suffering with this.

This together with the saga about the holiday and allowing the car to be commandeered, makes me wonder how someone so immature can go ahead and have DC - sorry OP, but your lack of assertiveness and commonsense in these situations is quite alarming. Please think about assertiveness training. You will likely need to step up and advocate for your DC in other situations in future.

You have subjected your son to sitting in a car with people vomiting when he has a Phobia. I get that the caravan wasn't ideal either but the car is arguably worse. You and your son should have been in the front seats at the very least and the awful woman should have been up back with her poorly kids.