Downstairs neighbour complaining about our noise, not sure what to do

[noisyneighbourproblem]

We've lived in our flat for around 6 months. We have one upstairs neighbour with three children and a downstairs neighbour with 2 children. We have 2 children, DD age 4 (with autism and PDA if relevant) and a toddler.

We introduced ourselves to neighbours when we moved in and apologized for any noise on moving day with building furniture etc. Around a month after moving in, the husband told us our toddlers walker was really noisy for them and upset their child with the noise so we apologized and got rid of his walker even though he loved it.

They regularly bang on our ceiling whenever the kids are playing. They bring it up every time they see us. We never play music, keep the TV at a reasonable volume, kids go to bed at a normal hour but they do run around in the day and evening and our toddler does push/pull things over occasionally as toddlers do. I regularly tell DD to stop running but she just doesn't listen, not sure if this is due to her PDA or just being 4. DD will often have meltdowns where she's hammering the floor too which I appreciate must be horrible to listen to and we do pick her up or move her to our bedroom when that happens. We bought thick play mats for the living room and their bedroom to try and reduce the noise.

They've just hammered on our floor again so I've text apologizing if DD was too loud when she was playing with my DH (she was jumping on him) and they've responded saying it's really bad and all they ever hear is running and banging and dropping things all day long and that she doesn't let her children run around at home. (I think they're around 5 and 11)

I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to cause a bad relationship with them, our upstairs neighbour we can hear everything too so I appreciate how horrible it must be. I'm not sure what else to do and i am sympathetic, do I need to ban the children from any kind of running/jumping in their own home? What else can I do?

People in flats should expect to hear ndn and be heard... Do you own or rent? Not an ideal option for your housing needs op.

I’d reply with - I know exactly how you feel. We hear the same from the flat above. It a nightmare!

Rent through a housing association, it took years to get this flat and we absolutely love it but I feel so on edge now about them making noise. Ideally we'd live in a house but it won't be happening anytime soon

Alternatively, start being really fucking noisy - remove the mats, blare the TV, play music, lots of jumping, banging and running around. Drop things willy nilly.

Then after a few weeks, go back to what you’re currently doing and they should be more grateful!

You have my sympathy OP. I’m also the parent of a PDA kid and it’s bloody hard. It’s sounds like (no pun intended) you’re trying to be a really considerate neighbour.

Can you put down rugs? Do the kids wear slippers? Realistically, you can only do so much. Unfortunately, this is the hazard of flat living. If they don't want to hear people walking they need to move to the top floor or a house. Even in a house you can hear the neighbours.

I would definitely stop the 4 year old from hammering on the floor during meltdowns because that's an unreasonable noise to make in a flat, but I wouldn't stop them from playing in their own home.

Of course they shouldn't be running and jumping, if they want to do that, take them to a park... Poor neighbours

On a practical note what kind of floor do you have? We live in a concrete block of flats with terrible acoustics. We invested in acoustic matting underneath our carpet/laminate and that reduces the ‘foot patter’ noise for the downstairs neighbours. Also rugs/ soft furnishings can help. Laminate on concrete is a nightmare if that is what you have. If you can budget on any acoustic flooring it will help, not cheap but worth it x

We've got thick totter and tumble mats in the living room and their bedroom which cover the whole floor already but we could get a thick rug for the hallway

If you are in an upstairs flat there should be carpet. Is that not the case?

It is genuine hell living below a flat with no carpet.

We do try. We pick her up or move her to our bedroom but she's autistic and it's hard to manage. We're waiting for occupational therapy to help us with managing her meltdowns

OP please don't stop your children playing or running in their own home

It is laminate throughout the flat. I'll have a look at how much carpet will cost - I hadn't thought of that

Could your daughters OT write a report stating you need to be in a ground floor flat? I know you say you love this flat, but surely it would be less stressful to not have to worry so much about neighbours moaning at you? Or can you privately rent ground floor?
I can see it from both sides, they have a right to relative quiet - they might work shifts and need to sleep in day, or work from home. But equally it sounds like you have done your best with mats etc, and living in a flat is always going to come with some noise, they can't expect silence.
Are they reasonable people in general? Is there a discussion you could have with them around which rooms are their 'priority'. For example, if your daughters bedroom is above a room where downstairs neighbour sleeps during day due to shifts, maybe swop bedrooms around but then they accept that there will be noise in that room?
Sorry, not much else to suggest, must be really tough.

Yes, you must get rid of the laminate and put carpet with good thick underlay. I’m surprised that laminate was allowed in anything other than the ground floor flat.

The noise will be hellish.

That's the obvious thing. Hard flooring when you have neighbours below is awful. Many flats insist on carpet for this reason. The thickest underlay that you can afford, plus carpet, will help a lot.

I second rugs, carpets, acoustics, bare feet. Maybe try to limit the jumping. Is there any outdoor space where they can be tired out? TBF I never allowed mine to jump about in the house and never, ever on beds/furniture.

It's tricky. My first property, when I was single, was a flat and the lady on the floor above me complained that my car and front door disturbed her when I came home after a night out. I was not noisy. I shall never forget the look on her face when I said "I'm awfully sorry Beryl but we live in a block of flats in London, if you don't want to hear people coming in, sleep at the back".

You need carpet throughout and a sound insulating underlay. If you can't afford the carpet immediately, put the underlay down - it's about £50 a roll and you could put your existing rugs over the top of it. But laminate is horrendous for noise, I can see where your neighbour is coming from to be honest.

Stop apologising to them. The more you apologise, the more they'll moan.

Send them a message saying that maybe flat living isn't for them, that it's normal household noise and you've done all you can to reduce it. You won't be taking any more messages in the future.

She hasn't though. It's the laminate that's the problem.

No - the OP has confirmed that it’s hard flowing in her flat. It shouldn’t be - should be carpet with underlay.

You need to put carpets down especially as you know your autistic DC hammers on the floor. The DC should be wearing slippers to keep the running noise down. None of those are unreasonable things to do. I'd be putting a big rug down on top of the carpet too. If the people under you start making complaints about you it won't be good. If they are banging on the ceiling the noise must be terrible.

If you inherited the laminate flooring and it’s a housing association flat, it’s unfair for you to stump up the cost of carpeting it.

Really? Our DC run and jump throughout the day, they're children. It would be a very clinical strict environment if they had to just walk and sit seriously whenever they're at home.

Do you know how much roughly it would cost to carpet say just a living room and a double bedroom?