Downstairs neighbour complaining about our noise, not sure what to do

[noisyneighbourproblem]

We've lived in our flat for around 6 months. We have one upstairs neighbour with three children and a downstairs neighbour with 2 children. We have 2 children, DD age 4 (with autism and PDA if relevant) and a toddler.

We introduced ourselves to neighbours when we moved in and apologized for any noise on moving day with building furniture etc. Around a month after moving in, the husband told us our toddlers walker was really noisy for them and upset their child with the noise so we apologized and got rid of his walker even though he loved it.

They regularly bang on our ceiling whenever the kids are playing. They bring it up every time they see us. We never play music, keep the TV at a reasonable volume, kids go to bed at a normal hour but they do run around in the day and evening and our toddler does push/pull things over occasionally as toddlers do. I regularly tell DD to stop running but she just doesn't listen, not sure if this is due to her PDA or just being 4. DD will often have meltdowns where she's hammering the floor too which I appreciate must be horrible to listen to and we do pick her up or move her to our bedroom when that happens. We bought thick play mats for the living room and their bedroom to try and reduce the noise.

They've just hammered on our floor again so I've text apologizing if DD was too loud when she was playing with my DH (she was jumping on him) and they've responded saying it's really bad and all they ever hear is running and banging and dropping things all day long and that she doesn't let her children run around at home. (I think they're around 5 and 11)

I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to cause a bad relationship with them, our upstairs neighbour we can hear everything too so I appreciate how horrible it must be. I'm not sure what else to do and i am sympathetic, do I need to ban the children from any kind of running/jumping in their own home? What else can I do?

DS isn't allowed to run around inside, it's not soft play, of course he can play with his toys, but running/jumping are for outside. How much do you take them out to burn some energy off? Friend of mine complains about her ds jumping on the sofa and running around in the house but she never takes him to the park, out on his bike etc and we live near the beach. DS gets outdoor play most days unless the weather is really atrocious, even dreaded soft play has it's use then.

There have a been a spate of these questions recently. There is no magic bullet if you e put rugs down. Your choices are either stop making any noise at all, or accept their noise is a fact of life, and either discuss this with your neighbours or don’t. There is literally nothing else to say.

OP I’d take it with a pinch of SALT otherwise you’re just going to stress yourself out. Kids make noise. Simple as. You sound like you’re trying to minimise it as much as possible, but you can’t stop them from enjoying their own home and stop them playing.

Don't assume this is the solution to the problem.

We live in a flat with very thick carpets, underlay and large rugs in every room. Our neighbours still complain about us walking around.

Our autistic DC is constantly moving. We are lucky that we have a detached house with a big garden, so he is outside for hours a day when the weather is good, running around, climbing on play equipment in the garden, it doesn't stop him moving inside by running and jumping.
Our other DC spends far less time outside, walks around and sits still lots doing activities. Children's activity levels hugely vary even in neurotypical children, but trying to restrict an autistic child's movement which is often a form of regulation for them is likely to just increase meltdowns by them being more stressed, if it even works at all.

So if the downstairs neighbour is also housing association, they're meant to turn the place down? They'd be booted off the list.

They will have placed a bid on the property, HAs don't just place people at random.

We had same issue in our old place and it is heartbreaking to keep checking kids for playing just because they live in a flat. Agree with others on rugs. We got some on sale from ruggable (they are machine washable) after that there is little you can do as it’s just part of flaT living. Banging on floor is a no and stuff with wheels but being kids with rough and tumble in daylight hours is normal. Don’t beat yourself up too much. You clearly care and are trying your best. 🙂

💯 . Underlay and thick carpet will deaden the noise a lot.

Came here to say this, of course tbey are going to hear noise! Just like you do OP from the neighbours above you! Literally nothing you can do except take measures to try and reduce it. I can't believe you took your kids walker away . If the neighbour below hates it that much tbey can move!! Not your kids fault

This

Why shouldn’t they pay for the cost of their own carpets?

It's the underlay that will be important and not cheap

Thin underlay is pointless

Stop apologising and do nothing. The neighbour is on a power trip. Just stop texting and if they catch you in person, say, “We are living here and trying our best to be quiet. Short of moving out we have done everything we can. Maybe you need to figure something out on your end. Bye.” Shut the door.

Running and jumping indoors is excessive, especially without carpet.

Exactly.

I always thought Dp and i were relatively quiet moving around…until I was in the flat below one night! My word I could clearly hear DP moving about and every door opening/closing.

maybe worth listening from their flat?

Why did you move into a flat with an aytistic child ?????? This isn't fair on anyone

Maybe that was all that was available, do you think they'd automatically s house from the ha. Op, look at marketplace or local kindness groups for rugs, you can buy underlay and carpet offcuts from the shops.

What do they expect you to do… not move around?

Sounds like you’re being as considerate as you can be but living in a flat comes with these problems. She doesn’t have anyone policing her as she’s on the ground floor. Just tell her you’re trying your best but unless you gag them and strap them to the sofas 24/7 they’re going to have to learn to tolerate some noise as it’s real life. Must feel stressful for you.x

@noisyneighbourproblem We had the same problem when DS1 was a toddler. He couldn't walk into a room- always ran. So I taught him to run on his toes which really helped with our neighbourly relationships. And I took him to the park/playground every day so he could run around. At 4 he got an autism diagnosis but I had to tell the doctors that the running/walking on toes thing should not be accounted for as it was me who taught him (apparantly it's a common autistic trait!).

Oh, and when you have done everything you can to reduce noice- just ignore them. Don't let them bully you in your home !

Why? HA don't provide new carpets for tenants generally - if she wants new flooring why shouldn't she fund the cost?

Bold of you to assume everyone has a choice about where they move to!