‘D’ H really upset me regarding wedding pics and not looking the like the same person anymore

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I’m not sure if I’m being sensitive here but just visiting my parents with my H and kids and my H picked up our wedding album.

I did immediately think, ah why look at it now.

he said to my DD, come and look at when mummy ‘ was ‘ a princess. He then looked up and said ‘ emphasis on ‘ was ‘’.. and did a nasty little laugh. I let it go.

then he was looking at the pics and my dad came by and he said ‘ who is this woman in these pics, I don’t recognise her ? ‘ and laughed. He said it a few times.

I lost him and told him to F off and took the book out of his hands.

he knows how much I struggle with how my body has changed after two kids. He knows how much I’m fighting to look like myself again. He knows how much it hurts every single day and how much I hate myself.

is this really something to laugh about in front of my family ?

I just feel like it’s a massive betrayal.

how cruel, especially to involve your child, my dad was like that, always making snide judgmental remarks about me, my mum, or my sister trying basically to play us off against each other. It affected my self esteem in a very negative way. He is being vile to you and giving your daughter messages that the only things that matters about a woman is looking "good"

Do you go on and on about them? I can see why after spending loads of time listening abd comforting you about your body changes there is a tipping point where it just becomes annoying, particularly if its stopping you from doing stuff. Cruel to be kind.
This.

I really you are trying for yourself and not him. Only do what is right for you, don’t change to please him.

And next time he wants to have sex he will be amazed and pissed off that you don’t want to! He is awful and frankly a bit dim…..and honestly it’s the thickness as well as the rudeness that would put me off.
I have been married an awful lot longer than you op and no, I obviously don’t look like I did when I got married. But DH would never, ever say that. One because he’s not a total arsehole. We obviously all age and he knows he has too! Bless him and his blatant lies but he tells me I’m beautiful a lot. But two because he knows full well if he did? He’d never get his leg over again! He’d be out because no way would I go near a man who thought or spoke about me like that. Your DH is rude and stupid. It’s not a good combo…..

Hi OP please start making time for yourself as a priority, time for the gym/walks, time to cook healthy meals for yourself, time to shop for more flattering outfits, time for a haircut, time for a facial/manicure…. Anything that makes you feel good! Spend more time with friends, start going out. As women we often put everyone else’s needs before our own and we then end up overweight and our confidence at rock bottom. He’s kicked you while you’re already down, turn this around and start acting like the Princess you deserve to be treated like!

This is so true so please take notice. I say this because it's taken me many years to get to this place. Not there yet but I'm working on it.

I'd suggest following Sally Gunnell - treat yourself well and others will start doing so as well x

That's really mean. Very unkind and downright nasty.

I'd be re evaluating.

I doubt this is surprising to you deep down. I imagine the red flags regarding signs of this behaviour were there before this incident, but you chose to carry on with him anyway.

Why? Would you think that? That’s strange you’ve found him guilty straight away

I've been everything between a size 16 and a size 24 since DH and I have been together, and he's never ever once made a negative comment about my weight. He knows how miserable I've been over it at times. Someone who kicks you when you're down doesn't have your best interests at heart - and sadly that seems to include your DF too. I'd be calling them both out over it, it's cruel and unnecessary.

I actually take a fair bit of time to myself. I don’t really see friends a whole lot or go on nights out and that sort of thing but I make time for exercise, eating well. Skin treatments / tweakments, new clothes that fit well and are flattering. Good skin care. I get my hair and nails done. I don’t let myself go. I’ve just struggled to shift the weight from my pregnancies. But I’m not that far now from my goals and I will get a tummy tuck once I’m at my normal weight, as I have pretty bad muscle separation from pregnancies. It’s all planned and I am moving in the right direction.

Ha! So did mine and even though I weigh around the same as before pregnancies, my shoe size never went back.

I'd have just said yeah and just look at the 'Prince' I married. Heavy on the sarcasm.
Arse hole.

When you next go there , pick up the album, flick through it and say he's changed too, and when he says 'How' , say 'Not your looks. You used to be a decent person but you've changed into a spiteful piece of shit'.

Even if he does, he hasn't carried and birthed two children. So it's not the same.

Your DH is trying to undermine you and is a cruel individual. Chances are he sees you dropping weight and becoming happier and more confident in yourself and he wants to put you back in your box and dent your self-esteem.

Honestly, if my DH said that to me, there would be no going back from it. It would be relationship over. No apology could fix it.

Is he secretly a bit pissed off that you've been losing the weight? Some people feel very threatened when their partner actually starts looking after themselves and losing weight. My friend had this with her ex. As soon as she started the gym and lost weight and felt good about herself it was an issue. Lots of underhand "funny" comments about her looks and gym routine and still being fat etc.

He is shallow. One thing if he kept coming up to you, like my sister's husband, was coming up to her and pleading with her - please lose weight, please lose weight, if you die I don't know what I shall do without you. She is chubby, but healthy, but her dh keeps checking on her at night (!!!!) when he thinks she is not breathing (wtaf?). I think he is not well in the head and is genuinely worried he won't cope if she dies (she does everything for him and her dc). But this behaviour shows he is only concerned with your appearance. A shallow, stupid man.

I'm not saying it's the same!

It's not uncommon for fathers to manage to maintain their pre-parenthood physique not only because they didn't have to be pregnant/have the baby/breastfeed but because their lifestyle doesn't change so much - they still get to cycle to/from work or go to the gym at lunchtime or play football after work. And buy healthy prepared food while out and about at work. And have less interrupted sleep which helps avoid carb cravings.

I wondered if this applied to OP's husband, or if he's also changed shape in which case he's a hypocrite as well as a mean man.

It’s not bollocks - I’ve seen it happening to people who aren’t prescribed it and buy it unlicensed. If it’s guided by a doctor then fine. Otherwise, no.

Bless you - that was very unkind of him.

I would be furious. It’s not easy to lose weight after 2 pregnancies.

He needs a slap and your Dad should have done it.

So on the one hand he says you're too focused on how you look and on the other hand he's making jibes about how your appearance has changed. He can't have it both ways and criticise you on both counts. Sounds like a nasty dig designed to hit you where he knows it hurts.

"come and look at when mummy thought Daddy was a nice person‘

"Come and look at when daddy had more hair".

"Better make sure you have no kids with you'd next wife, eh".

Would have been appropriate responses.

He's a nasty little fucker.

Some of the things I read are awful but women can be just as bad to men but it's seen as acceptable....

Someone has suggested he feels threatened by your self-improvement. I think they've hit the nail right on the head. I lost a ton of weight about ten years ago, and my then-husband got incredibly weird about it. He was never very pleasant, but he got worse as I was getting better, if that makes sense.

Is this what yours is doing?