‘D’ H really upset me regarding wedding pics and not looking the like the same person anymore

[oilump]

I’m not sure if I’m being sensitive here but just visiting my parents with my H and kids and my H picked up our wedding album.

I did immediately think, ah why look at it now.

he said to my DD, come and look at when mummy ‘ was ‘ a princess. He then looked up and said ‘ emphasis on ‘ was ‘’.. and did a nasty little laugh. I let it go.

then he was looking at the pics and my dad came by and he said ‘ who is this woman in these pics, I don’t recognise her ? ‘ and laughed. He said it a few times.

I lost him and told him to F off and took the book out of his hands.

he knows how much I struggle with how my body has changed after two kids. He knows how much I’m fighting to look like myself again. He knows how much it hurts every single day and how much I hate myself.

is this really something to laugh about in front of my family ?

I just feel like it’s a massive betrayal.

I'm so sorry to hear they were so uncaring OP. I did notice that your DH said you never join in anything. Regardless of weight, are you fit? Get some time for yourself to go to the gym, do strength training, DH can look after the kids. It will help you feel so much better.
But no excuse for their awful behaviour

Why are you with someone who frequently says cruel things 😔

I'm sure they'd suggest Surgery to chop your toes off and a slice down the side

He just means I avoid going to larger family gatherings sometimes.

I am very fit and work out a lot. I always have, all the way through pregnancies and after too.

That makes no sense.

Being nasty and cruel about how she has changed is hardly supporting her not being as focused on her body is it?

What a horrible thing to say. Should be saying "come see mummy look like a princess and she's still my princess".

Your dad needs a slap too.

Well, you need to have a proper conversation about it.

Maybe he's just nasty, maybe he feels you are too down on yourself and is fed up hearing about it, maybe somewhere in between those two extremes.

How plain nasty he is. Secondly I feel for your DD if he is saying that stuff to her. It’s going to stay with her that looks are super important and Daddy is judging Mommy even though she’s birthed two babies. Ridiculous

I can imagine my late dad who I miss. He’d have said…
Well you weren’t George Frigging Clooney seven years ago, and you’re certainly not now, knobhead!

I don’t talk about it a lot. Just sometimes. Maybe once every couple of months at most. I keep it to myself but I have been honest about how I feel about myself occasionally.

What an idiot. Make a comment about how long he 'used' to be able to last. That should hit the same nerve. See how he likes it.

Two things….
He is an absolute arsehole. And I hate comments made about someone to another person or child.
Also - how you talk about yourself is as bad. You are rightly admonishing him for putting you down, but your own words about yourself are just as bad.
And I come from a place of a previous eating disorder and hating my appearance.
So whatever you decide to do about him, what you do
about you matters more. You are already working hard and getting results but it’s time to be kinder to yourself. We all get older. Bodies change. But don’t deny yourself pleasures in life, like wearing a swimsuit on holiday, because of these feelings. Most of us feel
uncomfortable. Your children don’t need a mum who hides herself away in shame - they pick up on it.
You sound like a wonderfully warm person and fantastic mum - give yourself the same kindness you give others.

If you are working out, fit and losing weight your refusal to go to large family gatherings and this reaction makes me wonder if he wasn’t just picking a fight tbh. Good luck with the weight loss journey.

Wow, really helpful comment.

I haven’t seen my partner much this week due to work. He rang me earlier and said hello beautiful. I’m not. I’m overweight, short, majorly grown out highlights etc. You get the picture. But he doesn’t point out my flaws. There is no need.
That was a nasty thing for your husband to do/ say.

Your dad and DH have showed awful behaviour in front of DD. I wouldn't want a relationship with either of them.

How cruel.

I’m afraid, though, op I don’t think you can excuse it as something he doesn’t normally say because he clearly really meant it with the emphasis on “ was”comment.

If he had just accidentally said “ when mummy was a princess” I could have excused it as clumsy, but there was real intent to deride you with that later comment.

DF was as bad or worse.

They both make me feel sick. It’s disgusting.

I would completely withdraw from this man and consider the possibility of a life alone

I was just about to say the same. He clearly does say nasty things to you, if you were immediately on your guard like that OP, so are you doing the usual MN thing of, 'my DH is treating me really badly', then when people comment and say you should LTB, the poster comes back and starts making excuses for him?

Society is also getting ruder and nastier which they justify as “ honest.” That’s “ just excuses” and I hope they are all working on it because an unattractive nature is even worse than looking unattractive.

Bullying others trying to disguise it as humour really puts me off so i really wouldn’t appreciate this at all. Disgusting.

Well then no excuse OP. You're a reserved person who feels unconfident with weight gain, that's so common. DH should be reassuring you and making you feel loved, as should your father. You shouldn't be the butt of their jokes. I hope they see sense and makes it up to you. Enjoy your Easter break x

Hi OP please start making time for yourself as a priority, time for the gym/walks, time to cook healthy meals for yourself, time to shop for more flattering outfits, time for a haircut, time for a facial/manicure…. Anything that makes you feel good! Spend more time with friends, start going out. As women we often put everyone else’s needs before our own and we then end up overweight and our confidence at rock bottom. He’s kicked you while you’re already down, turn this around and start acting like the Princess you deserve to be treated like!

The correct response to princess comment is “and there’s a prince who is now a mean, poisonous toad”.

Are you sure you feel bad about your body because of how it is, rather than drip, drip, drip of poison?

You could have completely changed and this behaviour would never be reasonable- he was being intentionally cruel.