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Original poster

Just found out I’m pregnant..

112 replies

oopsie273 · 18/04/2025 17:09

Sorry I’m in panic mode !!

Me and my partner are 27 and rent a small one bedroom flat in an expensive area. We’re on a combined salary of around 62k. We both work full time and never remotely.

I was late so did a pregnancy test and it’s come back positive. About 4 weeks.
We both agreed that we are mentally ready to start a family but feel we are not financially or situationally ready. We don’t have any savings, we practically live pay check to paycheck.
Partner said he would suffer a lot of financial stress to support us 3 if I went on maternity leave as he earns less than me.

I think deep down I know the right thing to do but it’s really upsetting me. Partner says I should see it as a positive as we are able to have kids and will be when we are ready. He said it’s also positive that it’s given us motivation to save money for the future as we know this is what we want.

Also our parents do not live local enough for us to be able to lodge there for a bit, for example.

Im just in panic mode I guess but feeling the biggest range of emotions and have no one else to talk to as we don’t want to tell anyone yet! I feel sad and resentful that the current way of the world is making something so positive seem impossible.

OP posts:
Original poster
oopsie273 · 18/04/2025 17:12

Also my maternity leave package is shocking.. 9 weeks of full pay

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 18/04/2025 17:17

Is dp paternity leave any better paid?

Unsureabouteverything · 18/04/2025 17:19

I'll give you my opinion, since you're posting on aibu, but obviously this is your choice to make at the end of the day.

If you want a baby, do not have an abortion. It is not certain that you will be able to get pregnant again. If it takes you e.g. 5 years to save up money to what you think is an acceptable level, then by that time you or your dp might be struggling with infertility.

You are together, you both want kids, the only thing that is stopping you is money... I know it's easier said than done, but if you both work flat out for the next 9 months (or however long until the baby comes), then you should be able to build up your savings.

Stop all extra expenses (don't eat out, don't go on holiday, don't go shopping) and try to get extra money by working overtime or getting a weekend job. It won't be fun, but in 9 months between 2 people already earning more than 60 thousand, I think you should be able to save up enough to get you through maternity leave.

PassingStranger · 18/04/2025 17:22

Go for it, your not teenagers, and you do want a baby.
This was meant to be.

PeloMom · 18/04/2025 17:25

PassingStranger · 18/04/2025 17:22

Go for it, your not teenagers, and you do want a baby.
This was meant to be.

🙄. They will barely be able to keep roof over their heads by the sounds of things but sure… bring another child in the world with zero support.

ForOliveMember · 18/04/2025 17:26

What is your plan to become "ready" in the next few years if you have no savings and live month to month? Can you move to a cheaper area? Move closer to family?

Ilovecakey · 18/04/2025 17:28

PeloMom · 18/04/2025 17:25

🙄. They will barely be able to keep roof over their heads by the sounds of things but sure… bring another child in the world with zero support.

Show quote history

Barely able to keep a roof over their head on 62k how ridiculous!

MadeInGrimsby · 18/04/2025 17:28

PassingStranger · 18/04/2025 17:22

Go for it, your not teenagers, and you do want a baby.
This was meant to be.

Nothing is "meant to be". It's happened and it's not at a good time for them, so adult decisions have to be made, one way or another.

Season0fthesticks · 18/04/2025 17:29

Ilovecakey · 18/04/2025 17:28

Barely able to keep a roof over their head on 62k how ridiculous!

Show quote history

That's what I was thinking!
I have 4 kids and me and my partner don't earn 62k combined! Not even half of that!

Didimum · 18/04/2025 17:30

oopsie273 · 18/04/2025 17:12

Also my maternity leave package is shocking.. 9 weeks of full pay

Kindly, it’s not shocking – that’s above statutory maternity pay.

What is your partner’s parental leave policy? Can he do the longer stint with you going back to work?

What are your fixed outgoings against your take home pay? The biggest impact you can make is moving to a cheaper area.

There is no shame or blame in whatever choice you make.

doodleschnoodle · 18/04/2025 17:31

Have you actually sat down and looked at your budget? Considered moving to a cheaper area? I’d recommend working through it properly, especially as you said you’re mentally ready.

WhereIsMyLight · 18/04/2025 17:31

You need to go through your finances and see if it’s workable. Can you cut things out to save money? Would you be financially better off if partner did shared parental leave? Can you compress hours for childcare when you go back?

It feels like you want to continue with the pregnancy, so I think you need to go through your finances properly. If you really can’t afford it after that, whilst still a painful decision for you, you know you will have thoroughly looked at it.

It does sound like your partner might be pushing for this more than you. So this could be a cover and he doesn’t want children so there is a conversation to be had there and what are you going to do to improve your financial and living situation?

carseatonholiday · 18/04/2025 17:31

Didimum · 18/04/2025 17:30

Kindly, it’s not shocking – that’s above statutory maternity pay.

What is your partner’s parental leave policy? Can he do the longer stint with you going back to work?

What are your fixed outgoings against your take home pay? The biggest impact you can make is moving to a cheaper area.

There is no shame or blame in whatever choice you make.

Show quote history

Shocking as in bad. Yes it is. The UK has among the most poorly paid parental leave

Ilovecakey · 18/04/2025 17:33

Season0fthesticks · 18/04/2025 17:29

That's what I was thinking!
I have 4 kids and me and my partner don't earn 62k combined! Not even half of that!

Show quote history

Yes I have 4 too and have nowhere near that amount. People on here are unbelievable sometimes. I saw a post the other day of someone saying they are barely getting by on 100k or something like that

WhatMe123 · 18/04/2025 17:33

Personally if you wait for the right time to have a baby......it never comes. Always something else to wait for.
If you want a baby I'm sure you'd work it out 😁
However your body, your choice op 💐

Sharrison88 · 18/04/2025 17:34

It sounds like you’re not ready. I had an abortion years ago and got pregnant again years later when I was ready and I have no regrets on that. Why bring a child into the world if you would be stressed and couldn’t afford it? You don’t have to go through with it. I would contact BPAS. The earlier the better. At this stage its cells. Then make sure you’re fully being safe until you are ready…

Didimum · 18/04/2025 17:36

carseatonholiday · 18/04/2025 17:31

Shocking as in bad. Yes it is. The UK has among the most poorly paid parental leave

Show quote history

Knowing what statutory is, there is not much excuse to be ‘shocked’ by it, regardless of how the UK performs internationally.

Rklap · 18/04/2025 17:36

Could you ask either set of your parents whether they would be able to give you any money to help you get through a maternity leave?

It seems as though society has got to a very strange place if you are a secure partnership on a good combined salary aged 27 - but feel like you have to abort for financial reasons.

I knew a couple in this situation - they aborted with a view to having a baby in the future - they were similarly aged. What actually happened was the woman couldn’t get over the abortion and they spilt up, both broken. There is never often never an ideal time to have a baby so think really carefully and ask both sets of parents to help financially before aborting.

FrogsAndDaffodils · 18/04/2025 17:36

If you want the baby, have the baby. There's always a future where you are in a better position. But to be honest, with some budgeting/potential benefit top up you will manage.

The baby stage isn't expensive materially. You can use second hand, and manage. As revous poster said, you have 9 months to get saving/budgeting etc.

LetsWatchTheFlowersGrow · 18/04/2025 17:39

Rklap · 18/04/2025 17:36

Could you ask either set of your parents whether they would be able to give you any money to help you get through a maternity leave?

It seems as though society has got to a very strange place if you are a secure partnership on a good combined salary aged 27 - but feel like you have to abort for financial reasons.

I knew a couple in this situation - they aborted with a view to having a baby in the future - they were similarly aged. What actually happened was the woman couldn’t get over the abortion and they spilt up, both broken. There is never often never an ideal time to have a baby so think really carefully and ask both sets of parents to help financially before aborting.

I was just about to say this.

If you were my daughter, and I knew you wanted this baby, I would be more than willing to help you, both practically and financially Flowers

justkeepswimingswiming · 18/04/2025 17:41

There’s never a right time to have a baby. If you want it, do it. You won’t regret it. Just budget better.

Daffodilsarefading · 18/04/2025 17:43

I actually agree that 2 27 year olds in a stable relationship earning 62k between them should be without doubt able to go ahead and afford to have a child. I think it’s shocking that hard working people find themselves in this predicament. Yet plenty of people who don’t work, and are not in a stable relationship go on to have several children. I know I will get flamed for saying that but how on earth have we got to this state? No wonder many people chose not to work and chose a life on benefits.
If I were you op, I would try and go ahead with the pregnancy. Easier said than done though.

TY78910 · 18/04/2025 17:43

doodleschnoodle · 18/04/2025 17:31

Have you actually sat down and looked at your budget? Considered moving to a cheaper area? I’d recommend working through it properly, especially as you said you’re mentally ready.

Was going to say this. You found out today - that’s emotionally a very heightened state you’re in. You are 4 weeks - you have at least another 8 to think calmly.

My two pence is this - work out if you can move, save. With those salaries you are also entitled to government support. Do some research.

letsnotIRL · 18/04/2025 17:45

62k ?!?! Me and my DP have 2 small DC, I'm a SAHM and we barely bring home around 39k !! We manage comfortably. If you're not living close to family anyway then I would look to moving somewhere cheaper, with more bedrooms lol

WaltzingWaters · 18/04/2025 17:46

I feel that in a good partnership with a good combined wage you could make some changes (move to a cheaper place/area?) and have the baby. Get things second hand- no need to spend much at all on baby gear as it’s all outgrown so quickly.

Of course if it really isn’t the right time financially and you’ll be too stressed then don’t go through with it. But it is a good wage you both have and I feel it may be harder having the abortion if in every other way you are ready.