Just found out I’m pregnant..

[oopsie273]

Sorry I’m in panic mode !!

Me and my partner are 27 and rent a small one bedroom flat in an expensive area. We’re on a combined salary of around 62k. We both work full time and never remotely.

I was late so did a pregnancy test and it’s come back positive. About 4 weeks.
We both agreed that we are mentally ready to start a family but feel we are not financially or situationally ready. We don’t have any savings, we practically live pay check to paycheck.
Partner said he would suffer a lot of financial stress to support us 3 if I went on maternity leave as he earns less than me.

I think deep down I know the right thing to do but it’s really upsetting me. Partner says I should see it as a positive as we are able to have kids and will be when we are ready. He said it’s also positive that it’s given us motivation to save money for the future as we know this is what we want.

Also our parents do not live local enough for us to be able to lodge there for a bit, for example.

Im just in panic mode I guess but feeling the biggest range of emotions and have no one else to talk to as we don’t want to tell anyone yet! I feel sad and resentful that the current way of the world is making something so positive seem impossible.

It’s nowhere near being “a baby” at this stage.

Are you trying to say that if a woman has a miscarriage, she shouldn't be upset because "it's nowhere near being a baby"??

Your partner doesn’t seem to think the situation would work, do you think it could work?

To be fair to the poster

rent is insane in London so that wage can feel like not a lot

people saying babies are cheap, childcare can be 1k plus a month for years so no babies aren’t cheap. When I had a baby me and my partner were on 75k a year and really struggled due to nursery costs. And no we didn’t eat out, go on holiday, buy new clothes, have a massive house or have a car.

Those that say just move, some jobs are really scarce outside of London. Plus it’s really hard to get a job or change job as the market is so competitive so the chances of them both getting a job in a cheaper area is small

saying can you ask parents for help, some people have parents with no money or don’t have a good relationship with their parents

yes a one bed flat is fine for the first year of a baby’s life but whose to say in a couple of years that their financial situation will suddenly be better?

im not saying have the abortion but it’s easy to say, just go ahead, everything will be fine when it’s not your years of financial stress and if you don’t have the money for childcare you don’t have it.

Your circumstances may not have been the same as hers

Got pregnant at 26, with my now DHs baby. Similar situation so aborted. Birth control failure so thought we’d find it “easy” when we were ready. Started trying at 30 when in a better financial situation. Took us 3 years, two losses and a high risk pregnancy before DC arrived. Time waits for no woman. Where there is a will, there is a way. Go for it!

You'd get statutory maternity pay for the 30 weeks after the 9 weeks, and you'd also get child benefit. It's not loads of money but it does start to add up.

If you're considering a termination, I can highly recommend getting some counselling from the abortion provider in your area - this is likely to be either BPAS or Marie Stopes (now called MSI Reproductive Choices). It's free, over the phone and you can have as many sessions as you like. They are unbiased and are there to help you process your feelings and reach the decision that is right for you.

Personally, I had some counselling with MSI and I ended up keeping that pregnancy, but it was completely invaluable to me in reaching my decision.

I had an unplanned pregnancy at 27. I'd been with my partner 3 years. It was the wrong time and I had an abortion at about 7 weeks.
Have never regretted it - indeed I have barely thought about it.
Went on to have a much-wanted child at 34 (with same man, and got pregnant straightaway).

I’d move to a cheaper area as you’ll need a 2 bed and like someone else said stop any luxury spending buy everything second hand that you can safely do for baby minis mattresses / car seats / breast feeding is free !

Why will things get better in a few years if you are living wage to wage slip? How can you save for a baby then? I suspect he might not be as keen on children as you think. Your body though.

Well The op is over ten years older than I was when I had my first and better off too and this has worked out for us. Waiting until you're in your thirties is not always a great idea I know many who did that and now struggle to conceive and are having to go through ivf which isn't always successful

If you have any doubts at all about having an abortion, don’t do it. Forty years ago I was in a very similar situation to you, and it is far and away the biggest regret of my life. I had a breakdown in the aftermath, my relationship barely survived, and I remain convinced that my life would have been much better if I hadn’t had that abortion.