Just found out I’m pregnant..

[oopsie273]

Sorry I’m in panic mode !!

Me and my partner are 27 and rent a small one bedroom flat in an expensive area. We’re on a combined salary of around 62k. We both work full time and never remotely.

I was late so did a pregnancy test and it’s come back positive. About 4 weeks.
We both agreed that we are mentally ready to start a family but feel we are not financially or situationally ready. We don’t have any savings, we practically live pay check to paycheck.
Partner said he would suffer a lot of financial stress to support us 3 if I went on maternity leave as he earns less than me.

I think deep down I know the right thing to do but it’s really upsetting me. Partner says I should see it as a positive as we are able to have kids and will be when we are ready. He said it’s also positive that it’s given us motivation to save money for the future as we know this is what we want.

Also our parents do not live local enough for us to be able to lodge there for a bit, for example.

Im just in panic mode I guess but feeling the biggest range of emotions and have no one else to talk to as we don’t want to tell anyone yet! I feel sad and resentful that the current way of the world is making something so positive seem impossible.

Like previous posters ultimately this is your choice,but with combined 62k (regardless if before or after tax) surely you could save between mow and babas arrival,also could take out a zero % credit card on maternity. We saved loads.both times.before baby's arrival- mo coffees out,always bringing a packed lunch etc..if finance is the only reason you can do It. I.also belive you could be entitled to u iversal credit while.on mat leave if you've mo savings.

And a baby doesn't need a bedroom for years, so don't worry about needing more space.

We were in London too, until recently we stayed there, but eventually gave up and moved out for more space a couple of years ago. The kids are teens/tweens now. When they were small our little London place was perfect.

The right thing to do is not what upsets you. You will middle through if you go ahead with this pregnancy and you will not regret your baby. Maybe he/she was meant to be.

As previous posters have said, this is not a case of dropping a baby into a 62k salary household and just buying a secondhand pram/reusable nappies. Childcare was more than our mortgage payment for over 3 years (if you have a September to December baby it's many more months to fund too) and that was with me working part time. You can save up enough to get through maternity leave between now and December but the preschool years are tough.

That said, I would probably keep the baby if I was over 25.

I had a surprise pregnancy at 27 and terminated. I was married but we just weren’t ready for numerous reasons.
Had a planned pregnancy 5 years later.

look if you’re not ready for it then don’t go through with it. It’s a massive deal and will change your life. The circumstances have to be right imo.

I would be giving serious thought to how long, realistically, it’s going to take me to become in the “right place”.

Is it realistic to believe your joint income will rise significantly within 5 years? Or is it a dream/hope? Do you realistically see yourself being able to buy a bigger home within 5 years in the area you live in? If not, could you move elsewhere & afford a two bedroom place now?

Lots of people move “home” nearer to family when they start families. Is this realistically something you see yourself having to do? If yes, you could do that now.

There is no right & wrong, it’s totally your decision, but I was 21 when I got pregnant with my eldest. DH was 22. It certainly wasn’t the “right time” but it worked out & DC1 is now 28. Sure there were compromises but only you can decide if you want to make them.

The right thing to do is what is right for the potential new human being and for being a responsible member of society: Only reproduce on a planned and prudent basis when all of the basics (education, career, finances, housing, contingency planning for illness, divorce, disability, etc.) are in place.

She won't be on 62K if he splits. Or have an easy time finding another partner with a child in tow, or furthering her career, or buying property.

Outlier.

I have a number of friends who had abortions in their 20s and went on to naturally conceive 2, 3 or 4 children. One was 44 when she had her first, with no medical intervention, IVF, etc.

Abortion is just a miscarriage prompted by the mind, rather than the body. It happens millions of times a year around the globe, along with probably 100 million miscarriages. If every fertilized egg were to be carried to its possible fruition, we'd have extincted ourselves long ago. Our bodies were designed to reject a certain percentage of fertilized eggs and embryos.

He sensibly means have a termination now and save up for the future like responsible people do, rather than winging it with few resources.

I don't think there's ever a good time to have kids OP. If you don't want an abortion then don't, if the Mr didn't want kids yet then he should have taken care of that

Theres paternity leave and since you're so early on you can start to save most of your pay to pay for maternity leave. Get used to the one salary for a bit. Make changes in outgoings.

It's up to you, but some men like to put stuff off until there's no time left and it'll eat away at you marriage in resentment if you feel forced to terminate.

I agree with the first half. But I don’t agree with the second half of your comment. The child already exists. Too much planning would mean no child is ever born. We live in a country with free healthcare and education and, while the future is always somewhat uncertain, there’s no reason to believe this couple, who want children together, couldn’t give this child a good life.

This is incredibly hard and the internet is not so great a place to decide. Your body, your choice at the end of the day.
you have time to think so take that time for yourself so that whatever you choose is as right as it can be for you alone

Same could be said for any of us.

Even if she was earning 60K a year herself and he left then she would still struggle to juggle everything and meet someone new.

Preparing for every eventuality I don't think is realistic or nobody would ever have kids. None of us can ever tick every single box.

I had mine in my late 20s, working full time, above minimum wage but stupid hours and no hope of ever earning big money.

I was married (he had a stable career earning a decent wage), joint owned a house so we said let's go for it because things are unlikely to get much better financially.

To be fair this was 11 years ago and my husband was probably earning £40K back then, we owned a house that had enough bedrooms but I didn't tick the career box and would never have been able to support myself and a child on my salary then or even in 10 years time without claiming benefits.

My own fault for choosing a stupid industry but someone has to work on hospitality.

I'm not saying that to persuade OP to go ahead but just to look at the bigger picture and realise nothing will ever be perfect.

You’re in a very good position relative to most people. Dh was earning £18k and I was on a PhD studentship when we had our first (very much planned). I only got maternity allowance, no full pay even for 9 weeks. And we’ve never had any family support with childcare or anything else.

It sounds like you need to make some adjustments in your budget. We make only a bit more than you now, but afford a mortgage on a 5 bedroom detached house with land, 3 cars, 2 school age children, a dog, a horse and assorted other animals, plus holidays. It may mean moving and new jobs and cutting back, but it’s very doable if you are otherwise wanting to have a baby.

I do believe things happen for a reason.

I don't think anyone is saying that having an abortion causes infertility. What we're saying is that even if you've conceived once, you cannot count on conceiving again, especially several years later. There are many couples who struggle with infertility, have to spend loads of money on IVF, and still, sadly, can't have children.

There’s a vast spectrum between “perfect” and utterly unprepared. Young, unmarried, low income, no maternity leave and no savings. And a reluctant partner.

I would plead with you to go ahead and keep your baby, you are in a loving relationship and want a child, you could opt for shared parental leave (look into it), yes babes are expensive but there are always a way round things xx

Just to let you know. You will probs be eligible for universal credit while you’re on maternity leave. And then if you go back to work (depending on the hours), UC might pay 85% of childcare. It’s worth trying to figure it out if you really want the baby. Also there’s no harm in moving to a cheaper area, as long as there are good schools nearby

I was like you, but I was 25.
have your baby.
I can’t imagine my life without my child

and I think if I ever chose not to have my baby, I wouldn’t be able to overcome it

I didn't know it could be that bad. Does the state not give 18 weeks?

No! 9 weeks full pay is more than many get

Sorry you're going through this , OP, it's really shit.

My two cents is this - I've been in a very similar situation to you (in 2019). After much deliberation, my (now) DH (then DP) and I decided to have an abortion with a view to - like you - saving more money and actively trying to conceive a few years down the line. Well, abortion day came and ... we just couldn't go through with it. So, we had the baby who has grown into our (almost) 5 year old DS who is the light of our lives, along with his sister who arrived (planned!) in 2023.

It's not easy by any stretch but I agree with PPs saying that you will probably never feel 'ready' financially to have a baby. But, once they're here, you make it work.

That being said, only you know the details of your financial position, whether you are able to make cutbacks whilst maintaining a decent standard of living and if the addition of a baby would be viable for you. I don't think it's fair necessarily to bring a baby knowingly into poverty. Is there scope for career progression / salary increase in the near future for one or both of you?

Really not an easy decision and I wish you the best of luck with it xx

Married? Is this the 1950s?