Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What do you wish people would stop romanticizing, because you’ve lived the reality of it?

1000 replies

HazelMaker · 18/04/2025 13:11

The 1990s

OP posts:
Pluvia · 19/04/2025 23:12

Weddings. Big weddings are a business. If you really love each other, a small intimate wedding that isn't all about your hair and your dress and the colour of the bridesmaids' shoes but about each other is far more authentic.

NotDarkGothicMama · 19/04/2025 23:16

The gender wars. My MH, friendships and credit card balance were fucked. We bloody won though!

Maitri108 · 19/04/2025 23:16

SixtySomething · 19/04/2025 23:11

Could Russia have been one?

Absolutely not.

TooBigForMyBoots · 19/04/2025 23:19

The "Troubles".

I've been guilty of this myself. So I can't be too much of a cow about it. The "funny" stories. The "we got on with it" notions. The songs.

They're survival mechanisms, not good times.

ElephantCharm · 19/04/2025 23:20

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 18/04/2025 15:30

Who romanticises that?

Many think it's admirably stoic, selfless and the right thing to do, seemingly oblivious to the lifelong damaging impact that growing up in an unhappy household will have on the children.

0ohLarLar · 19/04/2025 23:21

Work travel

Films depict business class flights and nice hotels, being entertained in swanky restaurants, visiting central tourist districts in glamourous cities like New York or Paris. Arriving home to cheerful children and a clean home.

Reality: standard class rail fare, 3 nights in a premier inn near milton keynes, logistics are a nightmare with childcare, you miss your home & family. Bored shitless in said hotel room from 7pm every night. Or if actually sent abroad: standard class flight at 4pm on a sunday - give up half your weekend getting to airport etc, sent to business park in new jersey, or office complex in random bit of beijing. Do not speak local language and have zero time to actually see any of the area. Jet lagged, get a red eye back and expected at work straight from airport.

Arrive home to defeated partner who is shattered from doing all the pick ups & drop offs single handedly around commute. Daughters hair hasn't been brushed in 3 days, house looks like a bomb has hit it.

PeanutPies · 19/04/2025 23:23

Friartruckster · 18/04/2025 13:15

This, and children, and family. So much hard work and little reward.

This one 100% - I do not subscribe to the view that marriage is magical and children are the fairy dust- mostly it’s just a thankless task and for many women(sadly) it just stops you reaching your potential or living the life you want.

CyanMaker · 19/04/2025 23:24

Love at first sight

IainTorontoNSW · 19/04/2025 23:24

Ownedbykitties · 19/04/2025 20:25

the myth that Baby Boomers had it all and life was so very easy for them.

Hear, hear.

My mum and dad were not post WW2 "winners" in Prime Minister Menzies new conservative order for Australia. Dad was an orphan of the Depression Era who was set loose as a 16 year old during 1943 as he became too old for the orphange. He joined the Army and got a small stipend late 1945 to go to technical college to learn painting and signwriting. Mum's family was a rural family right on the breadline when farm produce was being rationed "for the troops"; she packed off (as the youngest of five kids) to Sydney as a telophonist at 16yo.

They met and married in the early 1950s eventually having four children. I was the eldest.

I could see what a struggle it was to live through the 1960s for mum and dad feeding a six person family on about $40-$45 per week.

As soon as I hit 17, I left home to ease the pressure on the family's meagre budget and secured a university scholarship five months later.

I lived frugally and worked as hard as possible to have the career and income I felt I needed to succeed. I learned to avoid credit and debt and largely only lived to a budget.

My smartest move was to put a set amount aside every week for a retirement "nest-egg" from my mid-20s onward.

I purchased a moderate lakeside home forty years ago and owned it outright in under 10 years (back when interest rates were 18%-19%). Very few nights out in the 1980s & 1990s ... every spare dollar into paying for the home and its modest comforts. Always, year by year, making sure of building the nest egg as well.

Dad passed in 2001, Mum in 2023.

Once retired, I began drawing on what was now a very useful sized nest egg from a life of living as debt-free as possible. Since 2019, my lakeside home has been modernised and refreshed.

I never had it ALL but I had enough and planned to stay on top ... rather than have the tougher life that my parents had endured. Nothing was necessarily easy EXCEPT the knowledge and the will to not need to rely on others financially.

Just starting my eighth decade on the planet with few worries and the ability to be generous when necessary with knowledge and support for my grandchildren and their parents.

So, when the whingers (under 40yo) who want to live in an oversized $1.5 million McMansion in a well-heeled suburb blame me and others for the high cost of Australian real estate, I remind several of them that they could live in three bedrooms with ONE living area and ONE bathroom and borrow way, way less. They could live with free-to-air TV and maybe just one subscription channel rather than $200 per month of six providers. Similarly, it is not necessary to buy lunch at work (nearly) every day ... nor to have a restaurant breakfast every second Sunday.

Your "plight" is NOT my fault, GenX and GenZ! Grow up and sort out your own 5h1t and your future.

Katemax82 · 19/04/2025 23:27

Arran2024 · 19/04/2025 19:21

Home made birthday cake. Usually really dry and falling apart.

I made some amazing cakes for my oldest when he was a toddler. Probably couldn't do it now though

XenoBitch · 19/04/2025 23:29

Batch cooking. It is great if you like lots of old and cold food.
I like a bit of variety.

Rainallnight · 19/04/2025 23:29

Adoption.

This is a brilliant question, OP.

Puncturedcouch · 19/04/2025 23:41

Windowtothe · 18/04/2025 13:19

Moving to Cornwall.

Chance would be a fine thing these days!! Even the Cornish born & bred can't afford to buy in Cornwall now

Dandelionsarefree · 19/04/2025 23:44

Dappy777 · 19/04/2025 22:23

One odd English trait (and I say English rather than British because I’m not sure this applies to the Scots) is a lack of bluntness/direct speech. English people will often say they find foreigners ‘blunt’. They call the Dutch blunt, the Germans, the French, the Russians…almost everyone. But that’s because the English are so endlessly non-direct and non-blunt. English culture is saturated in irony, puns, sarcasm, and double meaning. They will do anything rather than state a simple order or fact. Also, English people often smile or laugh and foreigners will have no idea why. It’s bewildering. To English people, simply stating a fact is considered rude.

I remember a Polish woman who worked with me being given instructions by her English supervisor, who said something like “if you could just put that over there and then, if you’ve got time, but don’t worry if you haven’t, could you move the desk back where it was. Sorry to dump all this on you just before closing but we’re short staffed today and so I don’t have much choice.” By the end, the poor lady was utterly confused and another Pole had to translate it into blunt/direct English: “put that there, and then move the desk there.” 😄It seems a uniquely English thing, though maybe other countries share this. Do they? I don’t speak Italian, but I’ve often wondered if Italian culture is a bit like that. Or maybe Japanese.

Yes, I think its an English thing. Not sure if British. Its an Irish thing as well.
For a foreign person from "the continent" like myself it's tiring having to read between the lines all the time. Why not to say things clearly, as they are? It's just so much easier to know what the other person wants/ thinks.
I am in many meetings every week and sometimes it's just exhausting!

XWKD · 19/04/2025 23:48

Being young and "carefree".

Puncturedcouch · 19/04/2025 23:49

Arniesaxe · 18/04/2025 13:28

To be fair I don't think people romanticise thar?

I agree totally. I remember being a teenager and smothering myself in vaseline before bed to stay warm.

Did it work??....

Puncturedcouch · 19/04/2025 23:50

Puncturedcouch · 19/04/2025 23:49

Did it work??....

Didn't you stick to the sheets?? ...:D

KimberleyClark · 19/04/2025 23:51

LillyPJ · 19/04/2025 22:21

Bully for you!

Is it so unusual?

Dutchhouse14 · 19/04/2025 23:52

School years being the happiest time of your life - I was bullied and was miserable, my twenties were much better.

Babies - didn't know what hit me!

Long marriages - marriage takes work and compromise it's rarely being happy, 100% of the time

Owning your own home - my parents were the first in our family to achieve this but as pensioners can't afford the maintenance so it's in a state of despair

Almost18 · 19/04/2025 23:54

MatildaTheCat · 18/04/2025 13:15

‘When I was a child we had to scrape the ice off the inside of the windows. No central heating back then!’

It was bloody miserable living in a draughty old house with minimal heating.

Not something people can really say nowadays. They had no central heating but usually a roaring fire or gas heater going. Nowadays many can't afford the central heating but have no fire either!

Majesticalling · 19/04/2025 23:59

Owning a classic VW camper.
Holidaying in a classic VW camper.
Camping.

Dpresst · 20/04/2025 00:00

Living

Bravemama · 20/04/2025 00:08

USA Road trip/Van Life

MrsWinslowsSoothingSyrup · 20/04/2025 00:15

Baking with small children

TunipTheVegimal24 · 20/04/2025 00:18

"Having a career". Employers like to romanticise how interesting and meaningful it is, so they can pay you less and still have you doff your cap and be grateful (and often have paid thousands in uni fees for the privilege). In reality, it's just getting up early and rushing about, to sit in an office full of people you don't care about and shuffle numbers about on a spreadsheet. Or something else equally dull & unfulfilling.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.