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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What do you wish people would stop romanticizing, because you’ve lived the reality of it?

1000 replies

HazelMaker · 18/04/2025 13:11

The 1990s

OP posts:
Lozza59 · 19/04/2025 18:02

Windowtothe · 18/04/2025 13:20

Marrying men

Bloody right 🤣

Mummadeze · 19/04/2025 18:02

Owning a shop, really stressful with erratic income when I tried it. Teenage years, very tough for me. Romantic love, a constant source of disappointment.

asrl78 · 19/04/2025 18:03

Cantabulous · 18/04/2025 13:46

The 1980s - great music, but racism, riots, homophobia, constant threat of nuclear war, and - my God - it was open season for abuse/murder of women and girls 😢 and an unrelenting battle as a woman to have even the chance of a good career

Wasn't the threat of nuclear war in the 1960's? The 1980's was my childhood and I don't remember any threat of nuclear war then.

Roxietrees · 19/04/2025 18:03

asrl78 · 19/04/2025 17:54

If it is that bad why are so many people married? I'd expect a country full of divorcees if marriage was really almost entirely work with little reward, that or you are doing it wrong.

There is a country full of divorcees. The ones that are married just aren’t divorced yet

MAFSsaddict · 19/04/2025 18:03

Thatcher’s Britain. Caused so many issues we are living with now. Cost of privatisation, particularly the water companies but transport also. Shortage of housing also due to her selling off council homes. But primarily as a kid who lived the first half of my childhood in the 70’s, I am remembering the equity, comprehensive schools with swimming pools, subsided/free access to music, drama, the arts, meaning I could for several decades work in my dream job. Just wouldn’t happen now. The reason we have talent like Maxine Peake, Victoria Wood, Julie Walters, Stephen Graham etc is because of the times they grew up in. Makes me sad.
This is the tip of the ice berg, and yes I know Labour weren’t perfect but they did make things fairer for a long time.

Picle · 19/04/2025 18:06

Living in the New Forest. Beautiful area, ruined by small minded, judgemental, bully neighbours/locals who are hostile, unwelcoming and even aggressive to 'outsiders' and those new to the area. Nimbyism everywhere too. Waterside and Beaulieu areas particularly bad for it.

asrl78 · 19/04/2025 18:06

Happilyobtuse · 18/04/2025 14:06

Especially in the UK! Not so much in other places.

I strongly disagree. I've eaten out frequently at some excellent places in my pocket of SE England.

SoOxon · 19/04/2025 18:07

Roxietrees · 19/04/2025 18:03

There is a country full of divorcees. The ones that are married just aren’t divorced yet

and the married ones have to find out for themselves, no short cuts allowed

ADifferentSong · 19/04/2025 18:08

Dontlletmedownbruce · 18/04/2025 15:34

Being more comfortable with yourself and gaining self esteem as you age. It baffles me when people say this. To the contrary, I am just a shittier uglier version of myself. I didn't need to wait 40 years to have self esteem I used to have it always but life is what wears it down. I have to work much harder to reassure myself that im good enough now than I ever did.

Yes I find this to be a cliche too

Roxietrees · 19/04/2025 18:08

Having mental health problems…and being a nomad - travelling the world with no purpose. Exciting at first then lonely as fuck

Clarabell77 · 19/04/2025 18:11

Windowtothe · 18/04/2025 13:25

Eating out. Nearly always shit.

I’ve recently started thinking this. Takeaways too. I’ve wondered if the quality of food has diminished or I’ve got more picky over the years..

LifeBeginsToday · 19/04/2025 18:12

Living in a flat right in the city centre. It's expensive, with noisy neighbours and the lease runs short, costing tens of thousands to extend, with a feckless freeholder who won't maintain the building but rakes in the fees.

LexiiRH · 19/04/2025 18:13

OCD.

Arran2024 · 19/04/2025 18:13

Adoption. I have two adopted daughters. Many people think adopters are angels.

See also parenting children with additional needs (my daughters have autism and one has epilepsy). Again, I'm an angel apparently.

PoppyTonthere · 19/04/2025 18:13

Large, multi generational family get-togethers which, romanticists would have us believe are happy, jolly events where all the family muck in, have fun and generally enjoy each others company without judgementalism. The reality that I've endured is that they're hotbeds of jealousy, irritability and one-upmanship, regardless of occasion or venue. But that's possibly just my family, mainly my narcissistic mother. Probably why we rarely see each other anymore. Thankfully.

beesandstrawberries · 19/04/2025 18:15

If you listen to artists like Charli xcx shes romanticising cocaine use and the party and drug lifestyle. All these young kids and teens are listening to this type of music and buying vinyls with powder inside to replicate coke. Listening to the lyrics about doing lines and watching concerts of her literally doing it during her sets.

I’ve been in that lifestyle, I’ve done it myself and watched people have legit addictions. I’ve messed up my nose, thought I was going to die on many occasions from a heart attack. It’s scary stuff and I’m exhausted of so many celebrities showcasing it as if it’s ‘fun’. People die, it messes with your body, your brain, your mental health. People who are addicted lose their jobs, their homes, their families. Its not fun when you’re lying there with your heart beating out of your chest thinking it’s the end.

DasMama · 19/04/2025 18:16

Giving birth… I believed all the whole hypnobirth narrative, the push towards natural birth and no intervention, decided to ignore all real facts… giving birth is brutal for many.

Fioratourer · 19/04/2025 18:18

Living happily ever after. Marriage is hard it’s not all roses. Social media doesn’t help.

Dandelionsarefree · 19/04/2025 18:23

Windowtothe · 18/04/2025 13:19

Bohemian childhoods.

Can you expand more on this, please? I'm genuinely curious as my own childhood was really strict.
I would be one of those people romanticising your childhood.

localnotail · 19/04/2025 18:23

This would only apply to the people living in the former USSR countries but I so wish young Russians, in particular, stop romanticizing life in the Soviet Union (a massive thing in Russia!). It was shit, awful, poor and degrading for everyone except for the party/ cultural elites and their families. To me its like romanticizing North Korea. Idiotic.

TheWombatleague · 19/04/2025 18:24

asrl78 · 19/04/2025 18:03

Wasn't the threat of nuclear war in the 1960's? The 1980's was my childhood and I don't remember any threat of nuclear war then.

I think in 1979 & 1983 we were minutes away from nuclear war, because of error rather than by design. Also Threads came out in 1984, When the Wind Blows in 1986, so it was still a concern.

Rachand23 · 19/04/2025 18:29

Moving to Spain to live, it’s Sooo much better than the UK…..

Err, no! Done it several times (for various family reasons) it’s shit! Living in some pokey 10th floor flat, unending heat for 24hrs (this is the South) sweat dripping off you. Endless form filling, paying for a bank account, bottled gas…. Nothing to do other than go to the beach … yeah even that sucks eventually. No paid employment, having to wait till 10pm for your dinner… 😜

Rachand23 · 19/04/2025 18:32

Yes I agree! We moved there from London once realised I hated the area within 3 days!

Cantabulous · 19/04/2025 18:34

asrl78 · 19/04/2025 18:03

Wasn't the threat of nuclear war in the 1960's? The 1980's was my childhood and I don't remember any threat of nuclear war then.

Sad to say the threat very much dragged on into the early 80s, when I was at uni. I was a cold in the 60s and was blissfully unaware too!

ShockedandStunnedRepeatedly · 19/04/2025 18:34

Dandelionsarefree · 19/04/2025 18:23

Can you expand more on this, please? I'm genuinely curious as my own childhood was really strict.
I would be one of those people romanticising your childhood.

I imagine neglect, inadequate education, falling down houses, warped boundaries, sexual assault…

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