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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What do you wish people would stop romanticizing, because you’ve lived the reality of it?

1000 replies

HazelMaker · 18/04/2025 13:11

The 1990s

OP posts:
ThatSchoolOfficeLady · 19/04/2025 16:52

Snow. Weddings. No personal experience, but I suspect, van life.

LlynTegid · 19/04/2025 16:52

I agree with the OP about the 1990s.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 19/04/2025 16:56

Rummageabout · 18/04/2025 21:00

En-Suite Bathrooms. Every escape to the country house hunter gets excited about the ensuite to the Master Bedroom, a 'must have' on the tick list. They're a crap idea, you can't use them cos who wants to take a crap or even a piss a few feet away from your beloved, semi conscious partner. Or mess about trying to quietly open the door so as not to disturb your other half. Try to contain a load of fart funk , or wee aroma to escape embarrassment. The noise the disturbance and the disgust. Nope you end up going to the 'family' bathroom two closed doors away with alot more confidence and far less disruption.

My bathroom is downstairs. I would love an en-suite. Try having to drag yourself up and down stairs for a wee when you’ve got flu, or even worse when you need to make a dash due to a D&V bug.

Abracadabra12345 · 19/04/2025 16:56

Summer

JudeGarret · 19/04/2025 17:14

Ashipcalleddignity · 18/04/2025 13:41

Cancer. Everyone doesn't suddenly rally round you and send you flowers and casseroles. Most people won't even text cos they don't know what to say. Most people have to keep working through treatment or face severe financial hardship. That and the expectation that we all need to be brave and positive and run marathons. It fucking sucks.

I agree with this whole heartedly. It’s a very lonely and isolating experience. The world doesn’t stop just because yours has.

FiftyDoorbells · 19/04/2025 17:21

scalt · 18/04/2025 13:29

Lockdown. And we must firmly resist and defy any attempt by the government to say “it wasn’t that bad” when they want to use it again.

I genuinely enjoyed lockdown, and know a few others who felt the same way, not the worrying about catching an unknown disease part, but the empty roads, furlough, quiet skies.

CookingFatCat · 19/04/2025 17:23

KewTitles · 19/04/2025 11:51

How my home city looked in the 70s/80s. It was significantly redeveloped around the turn of the century, much for the better. Yet I belong to a group for sharing memories and photos and the number of people mawkishly lamenting “I miss the old town. It had character.” Not in the (now demolished) concrete shopping centre where there were more drug dealers than decent retailers it didn’t!

Yes, I get you. Is it Birmingham because the city centre was a shit hole, the bullring indoor and outdoor markets totally foul and the underpasses to get anywhere put the fear of god in me.

OhWhistle · 19/04/2025 17:37

The 'past' as in steampunk and cosplay. I don't want to die of a fever while my husband profits from slavery and there are nearly no women in positions of authority. Dressing like you don't have the vote doesn't appeal.

LBFseBrom · 19/04/2025 17:38

FiftyDoorbells · 19/04/2025 17:21

I genuinely enjoyed lockdown, and know a few others who felt the same way, not the worrying about catching an unknown disease part, but the empty roads, furlough, quiet skies.

I did too, loved not having to mix with people, pleased myself, had everything delivered. I was just so wonderfully private. Ah, those were the days! I was also able to do quite a bit of good, for others, from behind my computer, discreetly.

FairBrickBiscuit · 19/04/2025 17:43

FiftyDoorbells · 19/04/2025 17:21

I genuinely enjoyed lockdown, and know a few others who felt the same way, not the worrying about catching an unknown disease part, but the empty roads, furlough, quiet skies.

Me too. It’s definitely in the top 3 happiest periods of my life.

Dappy777 · 19/04/2025 17:43

Being young. We really, really romanticise this, especially in mawkish American TV shows and movies (The Wonder Years, Stand By Me etc). For many people the teens and twenties are great. They really are full of laughter and friendship and travel and parties and endless summers. For many others, however, it’s a horrific time. I hated my teens and twenties. Like a lot of people I was lonely, frightened, bullied, and filled with shame and self-loathing. My social anxiety was crippling. I also suffered bouts of depression and often wished I’d never been born. Adults forget how horrible young people can be. Teenagers especially are f-ing vile to each other. I suspect a lot of people secretly hate those years. But you sound like a ‘loner’ and ‘loser’ if you say that.

I also hated pop culture. As a teen in the 1990s, I had to pretend to find an ignorant moron like Liam Gallagher profound and interesting. In reality, most pop/youth culture is worthless drivel. Now, at last, I can stop pretending to be interested in pop stars and celebrity gossip and reality TV.

Since my mid to late 30s I have grown happier and happier every year. There is no longer that horrendous pressure to be partying and having fun. I’m an introvert. Now I’m in my 40s people no longer care what I do. They no longer ask if I’m going out at the weekends. At last I can be myself. It’s bliss.

Teyrn880 · 19/04/2025 17:46

Being a writer. The hours. The self-doubt. Your self esteem being reliant on what other people think of your work. The obsessive nature of it. The shi££y money and waiting months and months for a contract to be signed and paid. Seeing absolute crap pedalled by celebs selling for millions…

Jayne35 · 19/04/2025 17:52

Oddly nothing, I hated school and being a teen, awful years of worrying about everything and what everyone thought of me. Loved the 90s grunge club scene and don't feel I have romanticised those years. Maybe the years when my kids were young as I remember it as easier than it actually was.

SoOxon · 19/04/2025 17:52

Living in France

LillyPJ · 19/04/2025 17:52

Teyrn880 · 19/04/2025 17:46

Being a writer. The hours. The self-doubt. Your self esteem being reliant on what other people think of your work. The obsessive nature of it. The shi££y money and waiting months and months for a contract to be signed and paid. Seeing absolute crap pedalled by celebs selling for millions…

Oh yes - all those celeb novels being churned out. It's annoying because a) most of them must be ghost written (how on earth would they have the time to write?) and b) there are better writers out there who are being done out of a job. In fact, Celebrity anything annoys me! (Celebrity Bake Off, Celebrity Gogglebox, Celebrity Landscape Artist...)

LalaPaloosa2024 · 19/04/2025 17:53

TomatoSandwiches · 18/04/2025 13:21

SAHM, it's not really a choice if you've been forced to do it because your child is so disabled there's no appropriate childcare available and they spend enormous amounts of time in hospital every year.

I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. It must be very challenging.

asrl78 · 19/04/2025 17:54

Friartruckster · 18/04/2025 13:15

This, and children, and family. So much hard work and little reward.

If it is that bad why are so many people married? I'd expect a country full of divorcees if marriage was really almost entirely work with little reward, that or you are doing it wrong.

Notsure54 · 19/04/2025 17:55

Sex relationships pregnancy and having babys

catlover123456789 · 19/04/2025 17:57

House renovations. The before and afters on instagram are absolutely nothing like the reality.

asrl78 · 19/04/2025 17:58

Arniesaxe · 18/04/2025 13:28

To be fair I don't think people romanticise thar?

I agree totally. I remember being a teenager and smothering myself in vaseline before bed to stay warm.

That is usually older people trying to one-up the younger generation with the "we had it much harder than you, stop whinging, we're well aaaaard" attitude.

ThatAmberQuoter · 19/04/2025 17:58

When people say blood is thicker that water.

BlueTitShark · 19/04/2025 17:58

asrl78 · 19/04/2025 17:54

If it is that bad why are so many people married? I'd expect a country full of divorcees if marriage was really almost entirely work with little reward, that or you are doing it wrong.

Statistics are showing that very soon most (as in more than 50%) of women will be single (as in not married or with a partner) by 2030.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 19/04/2025 17:59

I’m pretty sure that I totally romanticise the 70s/80s/90s. Sure there were a lot of good times, and things were simpler then, but I’m quite sure I look back with rose-tinted specs and life wasn’t all a bed of roses at the time.

asrl78 · 19/04/2025 18:00

Bestbefore2030 · 18/04/2025 13:35

Schooldays are the happiest days of your life.

For those who weren't regularly bullied.

Lozza59 · 19/04/2025 18:00

XenoBitch · 18/04/2025 13:19

Being in a mental health hospital. Some people seem to think it is just a little break away from your responsibilities

Wow they must be incredibly naive!

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