What do you wish people would stop romanticizing, because you’ve lived the reality of it?

[HazelMaker]

The 1990s

Romcoms have a lot to answer for.

On the flip side, I think having siblings can be heavily romanticised. Yes some people have good relationships with them but many people like me are completely indifferent to them or not close at all. And it's working in adult social work that made me comfortable with having an only child. More often that not, I see the care of elderly left to just one sibling anyway and I seem to come across endless cases of absolute horror stories of families falling out etc.

And I know many people, friends and cousins who are only children none of whom have any undesirable personality traits and are happy well adjusted adults. Of course I understand some people don't like being an only children but it's certainly not the same for everyone!

@Lascivious , I had my children youngish , 2 have autism and I’m totally knackered . So I agree

I’ve been happily married for 35 years. I don’t think it’s overrated and we are still very much romantic partners.

Who romanticises that?

Emigrating to Australia and expecting it to be the golden life.

Like everything else, it will suit some people but not everyone. So seriously, seriously do your homework first.

My mum said she stayed with my Dad or she’d be kicked out of church

Yes but did she romanticise it?

Some people think it’s better to keep a shitshow marriage together than face community gossip

Retirement

Snow.
Finding your 'tribe'.
The 1990s.

She was very critical and looked down her nose at families who’d split so I’d say yes

Being more comfortable with yourself and gaining self esteem as you age. It baffles me when people say this. To the contrary, I am just a shittier uglier version of myself. I didn't need to wait 40 years to have self esteem I used to have it always but life is what wears it down. I have to work much harder to reassure myself that im good enough now than I ever did.

being an architect

International travel for work

I just ignore all of that. The things I like about Christmas are the food, the break from the normal routine, the tree (nothing that fancy, but we have some nice decorations bought here and there over about 40 years), a few special TV and radio programmes and having something to brighten up a dark time of the year when the weather is often awful. We have more or less stopped giving presents in our family. I buy my Mum something and we transfer money to our adult children. They usually buy my husband and me token gifts like a box of chocolates. I don't really send cards any more either. All very streamlined. Easier to do with adult children, I know.

@godmum56

I had a wonderful marriage and miss my late husband every day.

I am sorry for the loss of your husband. And don’t get me wrong I love my own partner to bits…

I just don’t think cohabitating relationships bring out the best in people. They are pretty important for child rearing and financial stability but they are shit for communication, emotional intelligence and excitement. They make the participants feel stifled and drained and women in particular tend to lose sight of themselves. And they make people feel bored and limited by each other. Or they do me anyway. I would never get married again in a million years. The thing that saves my own relationship is we both know we could bail if we wanted to.

Edinburgh, Scotland in fact.
it is not romantic if you live here, grey, wet, cold, miserable

Oh I disagree. It’s wonderful.

Got sidetracked with my previous reply. Also over-romanticised, given my own life experiences:

• going to university. Enjoyed my studies, but uni broke me socially.
• working in academia. Always thought I'd fit in well as I'm very bookish and love doing research, but it turned out I actually wasn't 'academic enough' for my colleagues and I felt like an outcast the whole time I was there.

(Yes, I do realise there's a running theme emerging here. I'm almost definitely neurodivergent, have only realised it in recent years, and it made socialising incredibly difficult when I was younger.)

Having a third child

Being in a relationship with someone from large working class Irish Catholic family

Being a twin.

Well I don’t find it grey cold wet and miserable - bug I’d be happy if less romance meant a little less tourist overload

I really did not like Uni but as a very academic child it was a given not an option, I actually fancied a certain course at a Poly but was laughed out of the Careers teachers office. I didn't really enjoy most of Uni and Thank God it was back when it was free
Only good to come of it was that I met DH