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Original poster

What do you wish people would stop romanticizing, because you’ve lived the reality of it?

1000 replies

HazelMaker · 18/04/2025 13:11

The 1990s

OP posts:
cardibach · 18/04/2025 15:16

notwavingbutdrowning1 · 18/04/2025 15:14

I think on the one hand romanticising can be based on generalising from your own experience - so someone who had a great time at university might say, 'Oh, being a student is the best time of your life', when what they mean is they personally had the best time of their life . And there's romanticising something because you've never actually experienced it.

Show quote history

Yes, that sounds likely about responses on this thread - though in this particular case it’s not just my experience informing my view. Thinking though - it’s not what I’d consider romanticising if you’ve done it. It’s describing your experience.

SendBooksAndTea · 18/04/2025 15:19

BuzzYourGirlfriendWoof · 18/04/2025 15:13

Definitely agree with university. “Best days of your life”…utter BS!

Also being responsible for a property with a large garden; strimming for hours each week?? No thanks

We've a large garden, but we prefer it wild. Never use a strimmer, just mow a couple of times a year in places. Love it!

DBSFstupid · 18/04/2025 15:20

FastFood · 18/04/2025 13:48

Being a Parisian

Are you an actual Parisian? born and brought up there?

Thepeopleversuswork · 18/04/2025 15:20

@BatchCookBabe

But I hated being single. It's fine if you have had a long term relationship/been married for some years, but being perma single is no fun

I feel exactly the opposite of this. I find being in relationships unbearably stifling and feel much more “myself” single.

I am in a relationship now with someone who feels the same and we deliberately give one another masses of space. Relationships kill romance and instil a dreadful inertia into people.

I came on to say marriage is the most overrated thing in the world. Serves a useful financial function but makes everyone concerned feel like they are in a constant state of irritated torpor.

Cynic17 · 18/04/2025 15:20

Families.

Friartruckster · 18/04/2025 15:20

Big breasts 😵‍💫 Got’em. So self conscious about them. And the requirement for a bra - both an antidote and a poison. The no choice but to wear one.

Kaftanesque · 18/04/2025 15:20

Being self employed. Working with animals
It's hard work in all weather's.

CharloMoulin · 18/04/2025 15:20

cardibach · 18/04/2025 15:06

Romanticised how?
DD went to a Welsh medium primary as a non Welsh speaker and was fluent fast. She then did Welsh medium to the end of KS3 and mixed thereafter. Her experience was generally great, though that was largely because her primary was truly excellent - but I suspect that’s the same for any great school experience whether Welsh medium or not.

Show quote history

Cos people say they’re great - they’re SHITT.

wheresmyshoe · 18/04/2025 15:21

A tumbledown cottage tucked away in the countryside.
Dragging my bins 100m up an unmade drive to the main road was not fun. The freezing draughts howling through the lead lattice windows were horrible and the electric only useless storage heaters and immersion for the water were horribly expensive. It was rented and we were so cold and broke that we used to eat dinner in bed. It was well understood with our landlord that you put up with it or left so he could rent it to the next romantic fool to fall for its beauty in summer.

AllPlayedOut · 18/04/2025 15:22

The only reason that I feel sorry for only children like me is because we have to put up with ignorant comments like the ridiculous ones expressed on this thread.

Personally I loved/love it and I’ve been a carer for 3 family members and yes it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done but having worked in care and from personal experience, care more often than not falls more on one person in a family regardless of how many siblings you have. I’d be far more resentful if I had siblings who could help but didn’t.

Whoarethoseguys · 18/04/2025 15:23

The 1960s and 70s

CharloMoulin · 18/04/2025 15:24

I’ve said only child up thread

However, reality is I’ve met many only children that as adults are much happier, more popular, more confident and successful than a lot of people with siblings I know.

I have concluded that these only children had parents with very different personalities to mine own…

PoachedCloud · 18/04/2025 15:25

Cantabulous · 18/04/2025 13:46

The 1980s - great music, but racism, riots, homophobia, constant threat of nuclear war, and - my God - it was open season for abuse/murder of women and girls 😢 and an unrelenting battle as a woman to have even the chance of a good career

Yup! July 1981. I had just turned 18, Toxteth riots on the TV, 2 million unemployed and The Specials "Ghost Town" at number 1 in the charts.

godmum56 · 18/04/2025 15:25

squashyhat · 18/04/2025 13:42

Being more content as you get older. I have several chronic health conditions and am full of aches and pains. I have lots of regrets about what I haven't done in my life but I'm aware that I'm far over halfway and running out of time. I'm terrified of death but equally terrified of living too long and mouldering away in some godforsaken hellhole of a care facility. Bollocks am I content.

Edited

I do think though that i am less likely to put up with shit and i have and do things how I want them. I am less likely to accept discontent if I can change it.

bringincrazyback · 18/04/2025 15:25

Surferosa · 18/04/2025 14:14

I haven't lived it as per se but people seem to romanticise multi-generation living as being some sort of utopia and the answer to everything. I work in adult social work and have come across a few situations like this, usually people from different cultures and they've all been without exception ended up an utter shit show. Scenarios such as toddlers and adults with advanced dementia living under the same roof with no care packages in place because it's the expectation that family will look after the elderly. Except its never the whole family, it's usually one poor woman or two, completely and utter burnt out and on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

And a lot of people seem to romanticise as well, the 40s and 50s where people had big families and all lived close together. All my grandparents came from large families of over 10 children and they all lived in very small flats with outdoor toilets. And when all the children grew up and had their own families, there was no grandparent help as the great grandparents had so many children they couldn't possibly dedicate time to them all to help out and siblings were so busy with their own families they had little time to help others out.

My mums own mum worked in an early morning cleaning job while her children slept in bed at home alone which would obviously never happen now. My other grandmother did night shifts as a nurse. While both grandparents were then at home during the day, their main job was housework and cooking without all the modern appliances we had now. Kids would be turfed out onto the street to play.

I feel even though I work full time now my son gets more 1:1 time with me than my parents did with their parents too. My parents say the same even though they hold absolutely no resentment and very much loved their own parents, just a different time!

So true. People do romanticise it. We don't have DC but we moved my parents in with us 10 years ago so that we could be on hand to help as they aged. Having them close at hand has had its pluses as they used to be a 3-hour drive away and I didn't see them much, but it's definitely had its minuses as well. I'm now into my eighth year of parent caring and pretty much on my knees. At the moment, even without kids in the mix, I definitely fit the description of burnt out and on the verge of a breakdown. I'm about to go part-time at work, which will make all the difference, but it isn't easy, especially as I have my own health issues.

I often feel people give me too much credit. They have a habit of smiling and saying 'Aah, that's nice' when I tell them about the living set-up, but the reality is nowhere near as rose-tinged as some people make it out to be. I do my best and we have help from carers, but it's accompanied by a lot of guilt because I can't always be the perfect carer myself.

CharloMoulin · 18/04/2025 15:26

A mum who’s a successful career woman

cardibach · 18/04/2025 15:26

CharloMoulin · 18/04/2025 15:20

Cos people say they’re great - they’re SHITT.

Show quote history

No, some of them are shit. As are some English medium ones. And any other type you care to mention. Did you miss that my DD went to a truly excellent one? It’s not whether they are Welsh medium or not that determines their excellence or shitness.

godmum56 · 18/04/2025 15:26

Thepeopleversuswork · 18/04/2025 15:20

@BatchCookBabe

But I hated being single. It's fine if you have had a long term relationship/been married for some years, but being perma single is no fun

I feel exactly the opposite of this. I find being in relationships unbearably stifling and feel much more “myself” single.

I am in a relationship now with someone who feels the same and we deliberately give one another masses of space. Relationships kill romance and instil a dreadful inertia into people.

I came on to say marriage is the most overrated thing in the world. Serves a useful financial function but makes everyone concerned feel like they are in a constant state of irritated torpor.

I had a wonderful marriage and miss my late husband every day.

mildlydispeptic · 18/04/2025 15:26

Brexit

CharloMoulin · 18/04/2025 15:26

Parents who stay together despite being in very clearly dysfunctional marriages

Twiglets1 · 18/04/2025 15:27

HeddaGarbled · 18/04/2025 13:18

“In other cultures, families look after their old people”

Translation: women do.

VeterinaryCareAssistant · 18/04/2025 15:27

Marshtit · 18/04/2025 14:25

a new baby

a new puppy

Both of these are wonderful.

CharloMoulin · 18/04/2025 15:27

Being the child of 2 upper middle class, university educated parents

godmum56 · 18/04/2025 15:27

SendBooksAndTea · 18/04/2025 15:19

We've a large garden, but we prefer it wild. Never use a strimmer, just mow a couple of times a year in places. Love it!

Show quote history

same here. Mine isn't acres large but its big enough to have trees and large shrubs. I'd walk away from my house in a heartbeat but the garden would be hard to leave.

MabelBayleylivesinWigan · 18/04/2025 15:28

Christmas is utter crap for so many reasons.
I worked in retail and the stress and the tiredness was ridiculous. Then idiot here went and trained as a chef and Christmas was even worse.
I still hate it, I cannot stand the ‘romance, the magic, the most wonderful time of year’ and trying to cobble together enough money to afford crap sold in the shops. The lights are pretty, it helps with the dark time of year, but that’s where it ends for me.

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