To think I can't be the only person who doesn't know a single trans person

[VioletSpeedwell]

Seriously.

The news is full of people worrying about how the SC ruling will affect people who identify as trans.

Where are they? Not in my office (large organisation), my family or social groups. I don't come across any in the village where I live or when I go into town.

DD is at university and doesn't know any trans people.

Surely, I can't be the only one?

I live in a small town and there’s at least 4 or 5 I see around regularly (and yes, it’s very easy to tell)

I work with one. DD has a trans friend and has two trans teachers over the last 7 years. One of the cashiers in the office licence down the road is trans.

Yes, they're a minority, but not a vanishingly small one.

Every day at work it seems someone (always a man) decides he wants to be called she.

I'm quite happy to call Dave "princess twinkle toes" or whatever other ridiculous name they all seem to choose at work (honestly, not one of them is "normal" or not ugly) and I couldn't care less if he wants to wear a dress. I don't recognise them as female though.

Recently one of them joined a group for women experiencing menopause because he was about the right age and also "wanted to experience it". The group stopped because of it which is a real shame for the women who found it helpful. He didn't mean it maliciously but it's not a safe space to share experiences anymore. Obviously the women in the group couldn't say that so had to hide behind various reasons for it closing. If they'd said "this is a group for women to discuss the health of women so no men allowed", they'd have been put through the disciplinary process.

I'm struggling to keep my mouth shut at times over it.

The husband of a friend is also now her wife.

At least 3 of my daughter's friends are trans apparently. Although if you don't have some sort of LGBT label at her school, then you're a nobody.

My autistic daughter is also asking her friends to call her he and wants a chest binder. We're moving soon, including her school so I'm really, desperately hoping things are different at her new school.

It's really not sad. Young women don't owe "being pretty" to the world. And I'm sure they look absolutely fine. And if they don't, it doesn't matter at all.

That's the 5 that you can tell on though, there could be hundreds of others that you can't lol

I've also known some extremely masculine women.

I'm very lean and muscular, because of that I'm somewhat flat chested. a women I knew assumed I was trans, I'm not.

These trans boogie man threads are so dull. People claiming they have "seen one" around there area as if they have spotted some fabled mythical evil they had only heard about before. They are just people, they aren't bothering you let them do what they like.

Honestly, are you able to explain what's so very sad about being excluded from things designed for a different kind of person?

How's it different from white people being sad they can't access grants or awards for black people, or adults wanting inclusion with children? (Both of which have happened more than once, by the way).

It would be sad if the law said men can't wear dresses or call themselves Trixie, or if they could be denied housing because they wear dresses. But this is not what happening, 'trans' people do in fact have special protections.

You shouldn't feel like you have to stay silent about this. The man transgressing boundaries and joining groups he shouldn't is completely in the wrong.

I know this.

I also know I need to pay the mortgage and what will happen if I don't stay quiet.

I know 2 from work. One was my direct report. Back then He was a biker bloke. Big, beardy, quite angry and aggressive. Now he is a she. I still wouldn't want to share toilet facility with her. She could literally hurt a woman easily especially with that temper.

Yep I work with a trans female. It’s just occurred to me I have no idea which toilets she used. But I couldn’t really give a stuff.

I'm sorry you're working somewhere toxic. I certainly wouldn't suggest saying anything, but I would recommend keeping notes on what is said about this, in case it is important in the future (either for you or for another colleague).

What is the difference?

It doesn't matter, does it? It would have mattered to the tourist blokes if they'd ended up in bed with the 'women' they pulled and had no idea - but, since so many such blokes react violently to the deception, the 'trans women' would tell them at some point between after-dinner drinks and sex.

I was sometimes mistaken for a man in Brazil, particularly in areas were women were much smaller than me. My best friend in London was flat-chested, short-haired and wore trouser suits. She was often called 'sir'. Didn't bother either of us, god knows why misgendering's supposed to be the most horrendous thing that could happen to a person.

And, yes, most women can correctly identify a man most of the time. It's hard-wired, for heaven's sake, the survival of the species depends on it. Babies and dogs can correctly sex an adult human on first meeting.

If one or two 'pass' as the opposite sex and don't cause ructions, so what? They're practising a large-scale deception but, as long as they do no harm, they just get along like that. I mean, there are people who 'pass' as doctors and only get found out when they hurt a patient. Some people identify as being of a different ethnicity or having a disability. It's all deception but some get away with it.

One of my neighbours is transgender.

I can bet my life on one thing though - I do not believe in the slightest that your DD has nobody at her university that's "trans".

Well clearly she doesn't know all 40,000 students!

She and her friends from school, college, uni, part time jobs just don't know any trans. Hence my point that there aren't nearly enough of them to justify the problems they create.

I know two, one trans man and one trans woman. You would not know either are trans, both in their 30s going about their daily lives working and in happy relationships.

I have twin children who are now 25.

most of their friend group at school have identified as some combination of trans, non binary, gender queer and various other things that I didn’t quite dare ask what it was over the last ten years.

they have mostly all now stopped and gone back to their original names and pronouns.

which honestly is a relief because I’d ask after them and I’d say how is River doing in her vet degree and be told that he wasn’t called that anymore and deadnaming someone was evil.

i stopped asking after a while.

The transwomen I have encountered have very obviously been men dressed as women. Their body shape, physique, mannerisms etc are male.

How can you tell?

I know three trans women. All are autistic.

I hate the language about them letting themselves go. No woman needs to aspire to look pretty or to dedicate some minimal amount of time to grooming beyond basic hygiene for health.

I wouldn't be able to help wondering though whether they had taken refuge in deliberately looking more androgynous due to some past trauma or sexual assault. Some girls do do that.

Really, what's the difference?

One of my oldest school friends was previously female (and still is, if you go off the latest supreme court ruling). He has undergone full gender reassignment and has a GRC. I would be shocked if pretty much anyone guessed he was born a woman. He's high up in the police force and a good looking man, expecting his first child with his wife. For those lacking in sympathy for trans people, I suggest you look up people like Alexis Blake. I'm completely understanding of the need to protect women, particularly in prisons and local toilets, but I also think trans people have every right to feel safe and protected too.

Some people on this thread seem to have been confused between transgender and transvestite. They're two very different things. I don't personally have an issue with either.

Transvestites don't demand the right to be in women's spaces?

I rarely leave the house but I know three. Two are transwomen, and one is a transman. One is a neighbour, one works at the shop at the end of my road and one works at the shop just round the corner from the other end of my road.