To regret moving DP in to my house

[JadeySmiles]

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

True. He needs to provide himself. He’s failed!

what everyone else is saying!

Tell him to move out OP.

👏👏👏

You would have to be insane to put him on your mortgage. If you ever feel tempted, see your doctor immediately and ask for urgent help.

Tell him to move out. Of course that will end the relationship. He wants your house. He wants you to do all the housework. His nice guy mask is slipping. Get him out now.

I bet he would not dump you he wants half your house. Have you met his mum? Does he work? What proof have you seen there is money from mum? Please kick him out

It's absolutely no surprise that mummy is providing the deposit.

You posted on here as you knew this wasn't right listen to us

I don't believe mummy providing deposit why do you need deposit if jadey already owns house

You should dump him. You now know he’s a misogynist who doesn’t know how to clean and doesn’t care to learn. Even though you both work he see’s his role as “helping out a bit” with cleaning.

You know in your heart you’ve made a mistake. Tell him he needs to go to his mum’s while you rethink the relationship. Watch him promise to change and love bomb you. Then dump him.

@JadeySmiles
Bloody hell!!!!
Please listen to what everyone on here is saying and what you know deep down is true.
You've hooked a Grade A cocklodger who need chucking back into the penis pool.
He's shown you what he is, believe him.
He's after your house, he wants a nice big slice of everything you've worked for.
This man child is not a keeper, he's a taker.
I've had two very long term relationships (never married) and I never put either on my mortgage although they lived with me, I didn't want to end up in a situation where I could lose my home.
My dsis is going through court now fighting her ex whose trying to force the sale of her home, making dsis and their shared disabled dc homeless.
Chuck him out, if he dumps you I'd take that as a win.
The fact that you think he'll dump you shows that this relationship is not based on his love for you but on what you can provide.
Save yourself ❤️

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be.

Oh no! No! No! No!

He is trying to become a barnacle in your life. Once he is on the mortgage (and/or on the deed) it will be even harder to get rid of him and by that time he will have thought of even more excuses to be a lazy slob.

He has shown himself to be lazy, a user and a misogynist. Why are you still considering keeping this waste of space in your life, OP? Raise you standards. You deserve better than to be leeched off of by a man who thinks of you as a house hold appliance and sugar mamma.

Is he really so charming and good looking that his laziness and uncaring attitude towards yourself makes up for all the extra cost and work he is causing you?

@JadeySmiles I don't think you realise how bad this can get. Him dumping you is actually him doing you a favour. As they say in my culture, this man is going to show you PEPPER!!!. end this NOW!. listen to those of us who have been there. You just don't understand how bad he is going to get if he is already like this now!

He will become so hostile, you won't believe it!. You will have an enemy living I your house once he gets his name on your property!

I despair.
That a bright, young woman who owns her own home is so desperate for a man that she turns into a doormat.
You are worried he will dump you?
Let him.
The CF.
His first relationship? He’s got some lessons to learn he’s like a fucking teenager.
Send him home to mum.
With his PlayStation.

Thanks for all the replies, I’ve read back. Had a awful nights sleep thinking about what to do next, I really don’t want to but I think I’m going to need to approach him with a list/split today and if he outright refuses then I’ll have to be even more firm.

I appreciate all the advice re. Mortgage and can assure you that he won’t be added to this until we’re in a good place and he is pulling his weight. I will look after myself in that regard as it is my home and I’d never want to lose it.

It’s hard because DP has always been such a caring and supportive partner, we had the best times before he moved in, and we’re compatible in every area. He is the only man I’ve ever imagined being able to have babies with and I just want him to be on a similar page as me with the house work.

Sorry forgot to add - I have met his Mum, she is really caring and supportive. She can be a bit OTT sometimes, but it comes from a good place.

WHYAREYOUNOTDUMPINGHIM?????

Get the fuck rid of him, what an absolute prick. 😩

God bless you. You are such a lovely young woman.
But you are literally sitting with a begging bowl.
A grown man who loves you wants to provide. He wants to prove he is a good partner. He wants to step up.
He does not treat you like this.
Its great having fun dating but it’s not the same as building a future with common goals.
Please don’t waste your time. So many of us have and it never works.
Build your self respect. There is someone better out there. It took me a while but when I did, the difference. An equal partner, someone who proved himself worthy.

OP why are you planning to be with a man who is only interested in his own comfort ? The house is yours. He’s using that as an excuse not to pitch in with the chores because he doesn’t feel ‘comfortable’, and now he’s come up with some issues with his funding to try to rush you into putting him on the mortgage.

So when he’s actually on the mortgage and you ask him to do stuff you will be ‘a nag’ - he’ll eventually force a split, and you’ll lose your home. As previous posters have pointed out most women would be running for the hills with any one of the behaviours you’ve described here, so why are you still invested ?

Wake up and find your anger. Recognise him for the lazy, moody, entitled, coercive, cocklodging man child he is and kick him out before you lose your home to him.

Not a keeper, based on your replies.

Sulks to try and get part ownership of your house.

It is not your job to direct his efforts in the home.

He is literally telling you who he is. Believe him.

So for couple of months he was caring until he moved in then changed to get half your house made you feel don't leave me

It won't work. He probably won't all out disagree. He just won't follow the rota. It's going to be a miserable situation. He will call you a nag. I guess you want to see with your own eyes. Just make sure you dump him when he doesn't change. Don't keep trying to make him do stuff if he doesn't keep to the rota. Don't let him ground you down.

He sounds like a big man child, get rid of him.

“. Had a awful nights sleep thinking about what to do next, I really don’t want to but I think I’m going to need to approach him with a list/split today and if he outright refuses then I’ll have to be even more firm.”

Sorry, I know it seems like mn is bullying you, and I know it’s not easy but how are you going to be ‘more firm’. Shut down any mention of mortgage.

You also believe that cleaning shit and housework is women's work? Well, good luck then