To regret moving DP in to my house

[JadeySmiles]

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

This is getting really, seriously creepy now.

OP, your spelling is American - you don't live in the town of Stepford, Connecticut, do you?

I came back to the thread, hoping you’d remembered who you were before this dreadful creep sneaked into your life. Sadly you’ve gone full blindfold.

When you were growing up, is this how you imagined life would be with somebody who loved & respected you?

Of course it isn’t. You have a choice: single, single & look to date again, or allow a man to eradicate you whilst shitting in your toilet that he’s managed to convince you he should own half of?

OP you say you are going to take all the advice on here on board....I hope that includes the bit about not putting him on the mortgage ?? Take off the rose coloured specs and give your head one mighty big wobble.

The day a man laughs in your face if you tell him you don’t want to clean his shit stains of a toilet should always, always be the day you break up with him.

This ^. OP if you didn't fancy him so much would you put up with him?

Any credibility OP ever had has well & truly gone with that last post. What a joke 🙄

I don't think that putting him on the mortgage means he gets half the equity if they split. Wouldn't she have to put him on the house deeds for that, since they're not married? And not being married, would he even be entitled to anything? What's to stop OP from having him pay half the mortgage for a while and then kicking him out?

He should be paying OP rent.

Just found this helpful article:
https://www.family-lawfirm.co.uk/blog/unmarried-couples-owning-property-together-the-law/

To be fair she still found him attractive (enough that she was worried about putting him off her!) after he laughed in her face and asked what she expected as the woman in the house when she said she wasn’t happy about scraping his excrement off the loo 🤷🏻‍♀️

Move cautiously op. This sounds like hes doing it for show. He wont keep it up

I’m definitely going to be cautious and judge actions carefully x

This. I’ll stop following the updates now because IMO it doesn’t ring true, credibility has been lost and atp posters are wasting their time and effort on this persons “story”.

My cousin has done exactly this. Hope it works out OK for her.

I know I’m opening myself up to a lot of ‘I told you so’s’ but I do genuinely need some advice here.

I’ve asked him to move out. I didn’t end up going out yesterday so was here when his friends were round. They made a tight mess in the kitchen and my partner said ‘it’s okay, Jadey will clear up’ as if I’m some sort of skivvy.

When he got home, he crashed in at 2am and was sick in the downstairs bathroom, all over the floor which I discovered this morning.

He says he has no where to go and I will need to wait for him to find somewhere..

Can’t he go to his mums? Hotel?

He can go back to where he came from. He has friends who crashed at yours- he can go to theirs.

No, his parents downsized which is why they have money spare for him.

No Jadey, you have told him to leave so he has to leave.

His mother has a house so he can kip on her sofa. He's working so he can pay for a travelodge. Tell him if he doesn't pack his bags and leave NOW then you will be calling the police to remove him. And mean it.

Well done @JadeySmiles - now hold hard to your boundary. Doesn’t his mum have a sofa he can kip on? Isn’t there a travel lodge in your town? He’ll insist on staying for now, then a bit longer, then another reason… no. He’s fucked it up and he needs to face the consequence.

It’s not like this has come out of nowhere, you have been saying your rules and he’s stuck two fingers up at you.

Do you have any friends or relatives (preferably male, as this guy doesn’t respect women) to help you enforce the boundary? At the least he needs to go elsewhere now, and arrange to collect his belongings later on.

He’s an adult who clearly has family and friends. He has options, just not ones which are more appealing to him than leeching off your goodwill.

He's done you the biggest favour of your life, Jadey. You'll really value a decent man and an equal, respectful, mutually supportive relationship all the more after this debacle. Tell him to book an AirBnB, a hotel, have his mother take him in, but you will not tolerate any more of this in your home.

Then they’ve got money for a hotel. Is there any chance he’d become violent? Have you got family or a mate who can be with you?

OP, this is a blessing.
He really does think you are a skivvy.

Tell him you want him out and will call the police if he doesn't pack his shit together now.

He is utter scum.
Treat him like it.
Tdxt him that you want him to leave YOUR home immediately.

Then he cannot deny he was asked.
Call family, friends, whoever you have to come to your home to help him leave.

Get your key from him to spare you changing the locks.

Not your problem: he had somewhere to live but because he's not house trained he's now homeless. He can live with his parents or rent a room as a lodger in the short term. Change the locks, pack his stuff up and arrange a time he can collect it when you've got friends there to provide support.

You have to be firm, because if he can stay now as he has nowhere to go, that means he can stay tomorrow as well, and all week- he has no incentive to arrange somewhere else unless you force him to go, and he won’t- he’ll bed in and manipulate you.

No point debating this with him. It’s his problem to solve.

Wait for his next work day and book a locksmith to change everything. Dump his stuff at his parents house. Block him. He deserves nothing less.