To regret moving DP in to my house

[JadeySmiles]

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

I actually do believe it, and I’m deeply sad for the op.

Oh Lord. I'm out. Good luck to you, you'll need it.

Hes showing you who he is with his words. Take heed

Yes and unfortunately, @JadeySmiles is showing him who she actually is through her deeds - repeatedly giving him another chance, excusing sexist comments etc. I really do hope OP succeeds, he sees the error of his ways and things end happily, but I won't be holding my breath.

This is like watching a slow moving car crash. It's making me feel sick, sad and full of despair for how utterly awful your life is about to become, invited by your own hand.

I can't read it any more.

Yep and if on the off chance this is real and not a wind up thread, the OP is showing him exactly who she is - a needy, desperate, doormat who will cling on to a man at any cost. He knows he can continue to mug her off with absolutely no consequences.

It's quite astonishing. So much so that we're all unable to believe it can be real.

The OP'S use of laugh emojis when relating this utter that's behaviour is the worst bit.

Not to mention thick as mince 🙄

Exactly how I’m feeling too. My tween and teen DC are clearly far more capable than OP’s manchild. Helps that they have a dad who respects me and what I do for the household!

Oh lord OP I don't know you, I've never met you, but I would bet my own house that you can do better than this cocklodger.

You deserve better than this, this man is treating you terribly and you keep trying to fix it but you can't, because you can't make a relationship by yourself.

It’s like the footballer in Blackpool for the stag night thread. It was like pulling teeth.

Are you dumb, or desperate?

Weaponised incompetence has entered the chat then.

OP I hope you have some good, honest friends. You’re going to need them when you end up having a baby with this idiot.

I’m sorry you think it’s the best you can do and I hope someone manages to snap you out of sleepwalking into such a shit situation.

It has been painful to hear you defending and continuing to want a man who shows disdain for you.

The day a man laughs in your face if you tell him you don’t want to clean his shit stains of a toilet should always, always be the day you break up with him.

Good luck OP, you’re gonna need it.

Remember, for children the blueprint of relationships is the one we as their parents show them. You’d be teaching a boy that it’s ok to expect a woman to be in change of cooking and cleaning because she has a vagina and that any contribution is ‘helping’ her not just pulling your weight. You’d be teaching a girl that she should hold on to a man at any cost, even if he laughs at her for not wanting to clean his excrement and asks what she expects because she’s a woman.

What a depressing vision for the future.

I said this before but it bears repeating.

These jokey comments where he gets in before you with your friends... these are him testing the water. What can he get away with, will they pull him up on what he says or will they let it go.

It is NOT because he thinks they're jokey/bants types people or because he thinks they think exactly like him. He is pushing boundaries to see exactly what he can and can't say.

I bet if they were to pull him up on it, he'd start objecting to spending time with them, try to stop you seeing them (in subtle ways though). I also bet that these people think he is a prick but are staying quiet as they don't want to upset you.

Ask them - send them a text 'I didn't really like X's joke today about me getting used to living with a man or what he said the other week about not cleaning the toilet because he's a bloke. Tell me honestly, do you think he's a bit of a prick? Am I making a mistake here?'

See what response you get, if they're good friends, they will be honest.

@WiddlinDiddlin precisely and this is where the isolation stage of an abusive relationship rears its ugly head.

Red Flags. Get rid of him. X

I’m out, there’s none so blind as one who will not see. You’ve had ample advice but you’re sure you’re right.

My darling, if you are for real, and not a journalist or a lurking male trying to stir us up, then all I can say is I wish you well. You seem to be clinging onto this substitute for love, even though it's cutting your fingers. You seem to need to put yourself through this tough life lesson inspite of the hundreds of concerned intelligent women begging you to walk away. You matter. Even if your past, your childhood, other people have made you believe otherwise. Being eventually dumped by a crap boyfriend can be devastating but walking away from a crap boyfriend feels amazing. Trust me.

Good to hear he’s pulling his weight, and got a bit of a fright. It appears he was being thoughtless, lazy, and taking you for granted. I hope the good behaviour continues OP, and sounds like it will as he doesn’t want to lose you! All the best!

What was his response when you sent him back to do the buts he had missed?

He just got on with it x

Thank you, I’m going to take all the advice here on board though and make sure he keeps this up and doesn’t just do it for a week or so before reverting to how he was before x

And how attractive did you find him after having to tell him something a teenager should know?

He was in a vest with his arms out so quite a bit actually 😅

Sorry too much wine tonight!! X

Ffs OP. He’ll do it for months to get his name on the mortgage. Wine and arms out be damned. As we’ve all been saying from the start you’ll be back here when you’re 1-2 kids in and he’s doing fuck all but he has a stake in the house. See you then!