To regret moving DP in to my house

[JadeySmiles]

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

If you're determined to give him another chance then I suggest using some sort of chore sharing app.

These apps specifically track who does what, for example FlatUp! or 'House Chores Cleaning Schedule' app.

Then it will be crystal clear how things are shared and if you're both pulling your weight.

I also wasn’t going to reply, but in the hopes pure weight of numbers will help convince you: if he cared about you at all, he would not need a rota. If he was a good man, he’d listen to your concerns and act to support you, not make smart-arse juvenile comments, or slope off to the pub/games console to avoid conversations he doesn’t like. Leaving aside the issue of the mortgage, why on earth would you want someone who shows you such little respect to be any - let alone a significant - part of your life?

It will only get worse, and if you were mad enough to have children with this bloke, you would be the only one doing all the hard work - domestic, emotional, financial, intellectual, and practical - of bringing them up, too.

We'll see you in a year or two OP. When he's on the mortgage despite nothing changing. When you're still doing it all except now you have a baby and you're now struggling to keep up with the blow job rota.

This with bells on re the mortgage. The end result is that you lose your home.

This sounds more and more like an abusive relationship and he’s in the grinding you down stage. The next is isolation/control and that’s why he wants to be on the mortgage.

Omg this.

What the fuck.

Why are you doing this to yourself?

All this thread has done is remind me to assign some more domestic chores to my (very young) sons!

Oh honey....you already are being that silly. A 'blow job rota', is he 17? I'm physically shaking my head reading your updates.

Has he cooked you ANYTHING since he's been there?

A blowjob rota? Jesus fucking christ. My vagina has literally clamped shut. I'd be dumping him for that, let alone anything else

And he was bold enough to criticise what you'd cooked? Well stop that shit right now, cook for you and let him sort himself out if hes going to be like that. What a twat

Yep, me too. Apart from being vile as a stand alone comment, it sends a certain message doesn’t it ? He has no respect for OP and doesn’t take any of her concerns seriously. I’d have moved him back out within the week !!

Ewww
dont lie for him op, if your friends ask you say ‘erm… some teething problems actually. He may not actually be staying long if he doesn’t pull his finger out, he seems to have me confused with his mum which is soooo unsexy.’

OP. Your boyfriend has two main priorities at the moment. One is to get housing security for himself, easily, conveniently and with no hassle, and, once that is achieved, finish the job off by establishing the same arrangement as he had with his mother, entrenched in his mentality and the whole way he lives his life from the earliest age, just this time with guaranteed sex and as he likes it done.

Whatever he may profess to say, he is too silly, evasive, dishonest, spoilt, self-centered and childish to engage in a loving, mature relationship, and will avoid any meaningful challenge, discussion or issue either by buggering off, or getting petulant, or getting flippant, or getting vindictive, or responding with some bitchy comment, or throwing a red herring back at you such as your cooking. This is not a person you could be married to, still less engage into the lifelong commitment of birthing and bringing up children without getting into a terrible, miserable situation, financially as well of course, and one not at all easily got out of.

For heaven's sake, cut your losses and get him out of your house.

@JadeySmiles doesn't know how much a man can lie to get what ge wants. You are going to get a very rude shock once he gets what he wants.

The only correct response when you had the discussion with him was - 'God I'm really sorry, you're right I haven't been pulling my weight. Lets draw up a rota now, how about I do x, y and z' .

But no, he wants you to tell him what to do (i.e. be a nag); deflect and talk about a blow job rota and deflect again because he will feel different when he is on the mortgage.

However nice you say your partner is, he certainly isn't emotionally mature. You will waste so much of your life 'nagging' him to do his fair share, you will waste so much of your time thinking of ways to 'just make him understand' what he should be doing. You are not his mother. You don't need to take on a project of trying to change him. Let some other sucker do that. There are plenty of emotionally mature men who can look after a home without all this shit.

I see he will be on the walk, my guess is you won’t say that to them. So say, very honestly ‘turns out dp thinks a chore rota should come with a blowjob rota, so we have some settling in to do. And a lot of chores.’

wait for him to try and laugh it off.

She wants to see fir herself. I just hope doesn't impregnate her to tie her down

I actually despair reading threads like these.

'Simple' - and yet he HASN'T done! He's already shown you what he's like. Unfortunately OP, you've also shown him what you are like and he'll continue to take advantage. When you go for that walk and your friends ask how it's going, tell them the truth and LISTEN to what they say.

IMHO this is also a major issue. If he eats meat, would OP (as a vegan) want meat stored in the fridge or the smell of cooking meat permeating her home?

Talk to you friends, and If they ask, be honest and say you’re having teething problems over household chores. However, you’re planning to sort it out later. See how dp reacts - supporting or sexist?

Jesus, what a fucking slimy, greasy bit of shit he is. Is there something really wrong with you, OP? Wtf has happened in your life that you haven't thrown him out already. Is getting a fuck that important to you that you debase yourself like this?

My fanny would be drier than the sahara desert. The more you say, the more of a disgusting misogynist bit of shit he is. How can you look at yourself in the mirror?

Absolutely this!

without all this shit

Quite literally. Left in the toilet. Presumably, for OP to clean up

He DOESN'T love you. He never did. He's a cocklodger. He went after you because you have your own home.

Don't you get it?

Remember to teach them to clean the toilet. Apparently if they don't know how to do it by the time they are nearly 30 it's less embarrassing to let someone else clean your shit up that ask for instructions. Previous thread in case you didn't see that little gem.

You're deluding yourself. Stop mothering him. He doesn't need a rota. Do you need a rota to know you need to do housework?! No decent man needs a rota.

It's your life, if you want to live it like this then do so. Personally, it wouldn't be for me. I can only presume you are very young and lacking in relationship experience to think this is in any way normal or acceptable.