To regret moving DP in to my house

[JadeySmiles]

Hi all, the previous topic isn’t accepting new posts so I thought I’d update here.

We have had the conversation about split of
chores, DP said he can chip in ‘as and when needed’ but he didn’t have a suggested split as I hoped which was frustrating.

He says he feels a bit awkward with getting stuck in given he doesn’t own the house and thinks he will be more comfortable once he is on the Mortgage and asked me when that will be. I said I want to wait and see how things go over the next few months as we get used to living with each other.

He was a bit funny with this and suggested I’m backtracking on an agreement. But we didn’t ever set a timeline. He says his Mum has
told him the funds she/his Dad are gifting are currently in a low paying interest account and if he doesn’t take them soon they’ll fix them for a year so he needs to hurry up if he wants them.

I said this doesn’t change my feelings and we need to see how things go. He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. I told him he’s welcome to cook for us tomorrow!!

He might, for a while. But look at how much work you are having to put in to get him to shape up and be a basic level decent human being. He's not a project, and if he is, then it's him who should be doing the work, not you. And he isn't. If he was prepared to make the effort he would have done so already. Surely you deserve better than this man child?

All he said was ‘what about a blow job rota’ 🤮

He seems to be sulking now and has been on his games console in the spare bedroom since dinner, which he criticised and said he’s getting fed up with the same vegan meals. 😶

And he’s the only man you’ve wanted to have kids with? With kindness, maybe raise your standards in men.

And you should not be drawing up a rota or giving him a list of jobs to ‘chip in with’. He’s a man, not a child.

Is this the guy who leaves his own shit in the toilet?

So when you pointed this out to him, did he?

Nope.

You are making a choice not to listen. To him, or the Mumsnet hive mind.

Good luck with it all, I'm out.

Just carry on as you are. Have two or three children, get a dog and then come back in a few years and tell us all how it’s going. Good luck.

Agree!
He isn’t there for the women or even has respect.
He is there for half a house or more !

Why would you even wait for him to “dump you “?
This is a joke now .
Tell the user to leave !!

You'll soon find out how much he doesn't love you then.

Oh OP, why would you want a man who you have to talk into pulling his weight? That's just... not sexy. And the fact his reaction wasn't 'yes of course! And enthusiastic' and instead was annoyance? Come on, he's a big child. Even if he did find himself annoyed, a mature adult man would have caught himself and gone 'i am being silly thought, so need to get over myself' and that's not what he did is it...this isn't rocket science or some massive thing you're asking that he needs time to wrap his head around...

The mortgage has absolutely nothing to do with cleaning up after himself. Tell him to take his parents money and buy his own property.

Oh please, we understand perfectly.

Manchild has latched onto a homeowner and the bank of mum and dad are going to fund the purchase of his financial interest in the property. He avoids all the work and expense of setting up his first home, it's all done for him, and the property comes with a live in maid. What a smart investor he is.

Do you understand that he will then own 50% of your house which means that if you split up he will take his contribution to the deposit and 50% of the equity, which is fair and reasonable but could you afford to buy him out? If not you will have to sell your house.

He absolutely isn’t going to pull his own weight. You are waiting for glittery unicorn poo.

He will say all the right things for a bit and then you’ll be back here bemoaning your lot again. If you stay with him, you’ll have kids and he won’t ever lift a finger. Is that REALLY what you want from your life?

He's behaving like a child but I think you're right to give him one more chance OP. If he steps up now, all good. If not you'll know you tried your hardest.

@JadeySmiles a baby and a good man . Do you hear yourself ? Do you hear what others can hear ? You really aren’t listening to the ignorant pig you are with and your aren’t listening to posters . “He is a wrong one “ and he is telling you he is !

He will tell you what he thinks you want to hear.

Good God this thread is depressing. You are still banging on about a rota when he has made it abundantly clear he isn't interested in chores or you. He wants a home with full service provided. Where is your self respect. He treats you like a doormat because you act like one.

Did you read the bit where he doesn’t feel comfortable about pulling his weight because he’s not been put on the deeds after two months and is sulking and complaining about OP’s cooking? This prick doesn’t need another chance.

I'd have had the real ick with him by now. Let him buy and clean his own home. He thinks you're housekeeper material, OP. 🙄

If he loves me as much as he says then he will pull his weight - simple.

If he loved you as much as he says he wouldn't be behaving in such a disrespectful and manipulative manner.

He's told you who he really is, what are you doing wringing your hands about making charts?

Flogging a dead horse.

You're worrying about him dumping you if you assert yourself. He's got you right where he wants you then.

It would be madness to consider having children with this man. I don't know why you haven't dumped him yet.

Bloody hell @Gimpee you are incredible. I can see why you’re so keen for @JadeySmiles to listen to you. You have literally lived through the shittest situation and survived. You are very inspiring to me.

@JadeySmiles - put it this way. If your partner was a girl friend staying with you and not helping, sharing cooking, leaving a mess - you would be irritated surely? You wouldn’t be thinking of signing over half of your most prized possession but you’d probably be wondering if she was a good friend and whether you should even see her again?

I’m guessing you’re blinded by good sex with this guy or a fear of loneliness and can’t see his true colours and what lies ahead for you.

I strongly believe that if a relationship with anyone is consistently making you feel worse, rather than lifting you and making you feel secure/ warm/ good about yourself/ -
then it isn’t a good relationship. It is a BAD relationship. This for me includes friends and family.
You are not describing to us any moments of joy and happiness he’s bringing you.. so really what’s the point of him?

Just say to him “it’s not working for you anymore, you don’t want to be his mum, deal with sulks, criticisms on your cooking, or clean up after someone and you’d like him to leave your home today.” Say “he’s no longer making you feel happy or good about yourself and he has the next few hours to pack and leave”. Be firm.

Then you have a few more days over Easter to sort yourself out and pull yourself together. Yes, you will feel rubbish initially and probably cry a bit - but you will have been strong and ultimately you will feel calmer and less angry and worried inside.

I hope you have a friend nearby who can visit or you can do something nice with. You will find someone else at some point and will hopefully have learned to put a higher value on your own happiness and needs. Meanwhile learn to enjoy being with yourself and your friends. Good luck x

I'd be telling him living together isn't working out for you and ask him to leave. If his parents are gifting a deposit he can buy his own place.

In what world do men who sulk and behave like spoilt children change their behaviour after “one more chance”? 🙄

I think you can tell him straight that man babies are very unattractive and you think you'll lose interest in the sexual side of the relationship if you have to clean up after him or remind him to do his share. Tell him that had he not lied to you about cleaning his own place, you'd never have suggested he move in with you. Best he moves out and works on himself a bit more: if he loves you, he'll take this as a warning that he needs to do much better.

I think this must be a fake thread as noone is this stupid.
If it's real you need to woman up. The time spent flogging this dead horse could be spent with someone who would actually be a good life partner and father.

You are waiting for the relationship to be in a good place but unfortunately I don't think it ever will be. He may change for 5 minutes to keep you on board, but that isn't ever going to last for long. You may feel sad for a short while but will be grateful in the long term if you get rid.

JFC every update gets worse but you’re determined to keep wearing rose tinted specs to hide the massive red flags

This bloke must have a platinum dick that ejaculates champagne for you to tolerate his entitled crap.

Another on the long line of MN threads of women so desperate to have a man that their bar is so low it’s subterranean- absolutely fucking depressing in 2025 that useless men still get a free pass by women