Would you judge someone for choosing to have a c section?

[ProudOtter]

I’m just curious as to why you would judge someone for choosing to have an elective c section?

For background I’ve decided I’d like to ask for a c section for baby number 2. Some people have made comments about me being insane, or that I’m missing out of giving birth “properly”

I am curious as to why some people have this view.

My first born was semi elective c section, was rushed into an induction due to minor fetal distress and escalated a bit so had to choice to attempt vaginal birth or go for a C-section and I chose the c section. Positive experience and no regrets.

No the after recovery can be horrendous ! Never the easy way out ! Xxx

Of course it’s the norm.
Some people really have no idea what they’re talking about before they start throwing their opinions around.

Elected for C-section because being induced with my first born caused me to need a blood transfusion, so being induced wasn’t an option for my second and I’d have required an emergency section if things slowed down. I decided that a planned C-section was better than an emergency one. He came much earlier so ended up being a semi-planned section!

I didn’t have much judgement but people felt it was okay to ask me why I’d decided to have it. My son was also slow to breastfeed and the midwives said that was because the section had delayed it, turns out to be tongue tie and they hadn’t spotted it (why do they always do these checks in the middle of the night?!)

would I do it again, yes. Recovery so much easier than recovering from a second degree tear and blood transfusion. Totally agree with the dark ages comment. Isn’t nine months of pregnancy enough suffering?! Happy Mum=happy baby.

Air conditioning could help with the hot part.

Of course it also applies to the above. Well, if we’re talking about illegal drugs then they’re illegal for everyone, not specifically pregnant women. That said, people aren’t generally prosecuted for personal usage. Is it advisable to smoke, drink and do drugs? No. Is it still a woman’s choice to make? Absolutely.

You can make whatever choices work best for you, according to your own values. Other women are at liberty to do the same.

OP: I can’t imagine caring in the slightest.

I had C section when my baby was breach and I was very happy for c section as also I was secretly hoping for it anyway even before pregnancy.
And yes I was and I am still judge with these ,,women,, who always have to say and judge!
I mean what and what’s it’s their business????
If someone asks me about the birth and I say , they always make a face…

@ProudOtter Some women martyr themselves OP and want to win the birth Olympics. A C-section isn’t an easy option, it’s just a different option. It’s major surgery with risks but so is vaginal birth.

If you want an elective section, learn the risks, advocate for yourself and let your midwife know what you want. I had an elective section, largely due to health reasons but not technically “necessary” and it was a wonderful experience that I felt in control of. Good luck with whatever you choose.

No, never. Don't give twats who judge your birth choice the time of day; they're just not worth the head space.

What I would say though, is that mothers need to develop a thick skin anyway, as we're judged by everyone for everything.

I wouldn't judge you UNLESS you tried to argue the case that C-section birth/ recovery is so much worse than a vaginal birth. All birth is hard, the recovery can vary hugely person to person and I would never try to argue that X was harder than Y, but have heard people on both sides of the birthing fence try to. Whatever is most comfortable for YOU is all that matters.

Luckily all the obstetricians I’ve been treated by and the NHS in general disagree with you.

Out of interest, why would you judge them? Perhaps they’re judging you for choosing to take the risk of your vag getting ripped up and permanent incontinence? Or perhaps they’re judging that you want to be a martyr and feel pain and they want to have a painless birth? Or perhaps they don’t give a hoot about how you choose to give birth because it’s a personal choice

100% yes. But I would never comment it make my feelings known.

No.

I would judge someone who was so insistent on one way of birthing when it is objectively not in the best interests of the child- such as a home birth when the pregnancy is high risk, declining a c-section to try a prolonged natural birth because you want that experience etc.

If a person’s selfish choices cause harm to an innocent baby, I will judge that. Anything else, of course not. Happy mum, safe delivery, happy baby.

I would never judge any individual woman, ever, for whatever birth choices they make.

However, there are three things that bother me about c-sections:

1. If birth was properly resourced in our society, we would need fewer of them. Birth is so awful largely because of the way birth is approached (e.g. too many inductions, not enough excellent and very experienced midwives, bad hospital environments)
2. It's beneficial for babies to come through the birth canal and be exposed to those bacteria
3. For some people, it's empowering to have a vaginal birth in a way that it's not for a C-section, and it's a shame some people don't get to have that opportunity because of not having enough support

I suppose I have sort of a bias but I've worked as part of a Placenta Accreta Spectrum (PAS) specialist team.. what I've seen would deter many from opting for a c section. I equally understand SO many c sections are necessary for a myriad of reasons, from medical, fetal, previous awful births, mental health. But having seen the aftermath of repeated sections ie PAS and the devastation that can cause.. I think I do subconsciously judge people for choosing one 'for no reason.' I probably sound unreasonable because who is to judge what's a good reason and what isn't, it's subjective.

I've had an emergency c section myself and hated it for so many reasons. It was complicated. I hope to never have one again. And I also fear PAS. I think anyone having a baby needs to be VERY well informed about all of the stats of every mode of birth and make a true informed decision. I really believe the majority of women aren't fully informed. No mode of birth is without risk and I recognise that too.

PAS is going to become a lot more common in years to come, and in fact already has. It's quite frightening to think about really.

I am pretty amazed that you allowed the conversation!

1. For some people, it's empowering to have a vaginal birth in a way that it's not for a C-section, and it's a shame some people don't get to have that opportunity because of not having enough support

Yawn.

PAS is going to become a lot more common in years to come, and in fact already has. It's quite frightening to think about really.

why is that @Lavenderandlemons?

What I love about the “baby comes first comments” when it comes to birth choice and breastfeeding is

A happy and well baby needs their mother to be happy and well to look after them. I have had previous trauma due to pregnancy losses so yes, admittedly I have no medical need for a C-section but the reality is the thought of going through vaginal birth gives me so much anxiety (it’s very uncontrolled and there was a chance my first son could of been very unwell had I gone through with vaginal due to his heartrate)

I know by opting for an elective c section, I can be a better mother for my second born.

Just like those who judge woman who formula feed, whilst I agree breast milk has more benefits sometimes deciding to formula feed can be just as beneficial for the mums mental health

Why would you judge though?

So, you would judge me for having elective sections when my body, my medical choices and my children have nothing to do with you?

Genuinely, why on earth would you judge me for a personal medical choice which has no impact on you?

Not rtft but no I couldn't give a fuck whether someone's had a vaginal birth, a c section, sneezed a baby out or pulled it out their actual arse. Anyone who has an opinion is a cunt who needs to be reincarnated over and over until they've lived a million different lives to gain some perspective

I certainly wouldn’t judge someone, but after a very traumatic c section experience myself I always find it interesting that someone would actively choose that route if not medically advised.

The last thing I want to do after giving birth is be on a horrible NHS ward for several nights with 4 to 6 other Mum’s with newborns, no husband to help with baby, communal showers, nurses coming in to you every 15 minutes 24/7. Awful. I know you could have to stay on a ward after a vaginal birth but you know you’ll definitely have to after a c section.

Pushing a baby out your vagina doesn’t make people better than anyone. Being a good parent is what matters, so no YANBU at all!

PAS is going to become a lot more common in years to come

Especially as being an older Mother ( over 35 ) is considered a significant risk factor ?

To be completely honest, I can absolutely understand why those who have had traumatic emergency c sections can’t understand why anyone else would want to go through that and I’m sorry you had a hard time.

The reality is most woman who have elective c sections these days stay in for one or two nights. I was in the same amount of time as my friend who had a vaginal birth. My friend who just had her baby born via c section went home just over 24 hours after birth

This isn’t anything to do with c sections in general and merely your specific circumstances with your hospital.
With both my sections I was home 24 hours after surgery began, the first one was in the evening so that was the only night I spent and the second section was in the morning and I was in a private room straight from the recovery ward and that night. Both times my DH was with be that entire time.

When my D-in-L decided to have have an elective C section, I judged (not to her face) - it was not for any medical reason.
Now I know that I was completely wrong and it was a fantastic idea!