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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP has a throat Infection but I’m a c**t

143 replies

Mostaggrieved · 16/04/2025 06:35

Just been called a c**t. How lovely.

DP 43 hasn’t been well since Sunday, had sore throat and fever. Stayed in bed all day Sunday - our DD2 was just getting over a sickness so me and her popped over to my mums for a few hours to let him sleep.

Monday comes, I’m at work so arrange my mum to come to help as he’s still not well, I get home from work - DP off to bed I look after DD bathtime bed etc.

Tuesday, DD at nursery I’m on AL and he’s off. I get up with DD get ready fed and watered take to nursery. Get back DP asks me to make a GP appt so book it. He goes back to bed - I clear up do washing etc then take his lordship to the Doctors - throat infection. Pick up antibiotics bring him home make his soup whilst he groans through every mouthful. DP then back to bed (can I have a hot water bottle please, can I have a blanket please, can I have a cold bottle of water, can you go back and put some squash into it please)

finally goes to sleep - at this point it’s worth saying I have been up early and through the night for the past 3 weeks dealing with a sick and therefore stroppy toddler, working, studying. Also 5 months pregnant with a high risk pregnancy. DP also has a snoring issue so much so the neighbour has commented which has been exacerbated by sore throat, I decide I’m going to have a nap myself and take an hour before picking DD up from nursery, DP still in bed. Go and get daughter, come back.

DP still unable to move. Sitting on sofa in vegetative like state. Get DD bathed put her to bed which is an hour and a half of me lieing next to her staring at the ceiling until she drifts off. She’s asleep, cut her nails then put her into her bed.

Get up, come into front room - go to put toast on as starving. “Can you make me some toast please” yes okay make toast give it - then make my toast. I decide to call it a day get shower get into bed.

5am this morning my daughter has already clambered into our bed in middle of the night. DP gets up sulking saying he’s not well and DD is snoring (pot kettle) and goes to the sofa, Waking DD up. DD awake now and grumpy and also in front room - DP “oh please give it a rest I’m not well” DD scared of dark so upset about light - so DP walks back into bedroom “fine I’ll go back in the bedroom” tells me I’ll have to get up with DD.

I said “and who is the toddler in this situation”. He shouts back “I have a throat infection” I then say well sometimes you just have to get on with it don’t you like I have to, cast your mind back to amount of times I’ve been sick and your life goes on as normal and I just have to get on with it” then he shouts “oh fuck off you cunt I have a throat infection”. I said if you didn’t take the piss usually then it wouldn’t be so bad but you need to grow up.

I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic but this is now day 4 and it’s a bit boring. And I feel a bit taken the piss out off. Every day normally I get up get baby ready take her to nursery and go to work. Every day he gets up gets himself ready and goes to work. When I’m at work and he’s off I’m still expected to get up get ready get baby ready fed watered whilst he stays in bed until I’m literally walking out the door.

I’ve been sick multiple times due to whatever has been bought home from the nursery but life goes on! Me and DD now in the front room on episode 4 of peppa pig. I’m livid about calling me a cunt. He made a comment last night about the hoovering (as I’d had my first nap in about 2 years on my day off, just got over a sick toddler and now another one, also as I said 5 months pregnant) and he’s unable to move any part of his body. Considering hoovering the bedroom right this very second seeing as it’s as urgent as he made out. The tumble dryer could also do with going on.

I just know this is now what I have to deal with the entire day on top of my DD who is going to be overtired from 11am due to being woken up by my 43 year old DPs tantrum. (She refuses to nap)

OP posts:
abracadabra1980 · 16/04/2025 09:06

Hopefully he's had the really nasty throat virus the has been going round and it seems the majority of people where I live, have had.... his 'razor blade' throat will eventually affect his voice box and he'll be unable to talk, therefore he'll be unable to call you a c* again for a while. The first (and last) time my exH ever called me that name, I left him.

Mudkipper · 16/04/2025 09:07

And also, if he were that ill, he wouldn’t be trailing around asking for sympathy. I’ve had a couple of viruses that knocked me sideways and I went to bed and stayed there, couldn’t move.

Sgreenpy · 16/04/2025 09:07

Honestly the problem is that he doesn't help with your child at all, not that he's ill.
This is the problem you need to sort out when the 'throat' infection is gone (tbf tonsillitis as an adult can be awful).
You need to take turns getting up with your child, doing the school/nursery run, bathtime etc. When the new baby arrives this is super important.
Also perhaps your DC needs some sleep training- 1.5hrs lying with her is not going to be achievable with a newborn.
If your DP does have sleep apnoea, this needs sorting out. Make an appointment with GP to get the ball rolling.
Good luck xx

Panfish · 16/04/2025 09:13

Imagine this environment being the one you raise your children in

Stressedoutforever · 16/04/2025 09:15

If he's shouting at you it's not a throat infection
Dh has had them twice, once when ds2 was born (he was sat in the hospital with me wincing) but he still had to get on with it, after 10 days he got antibiotic where the doctor was amazed he was functioning and the second when he still went to work as he couldn't afford it unpaid
He's being an absolute arse to you and I'd be reading the riot act

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 16/04/2025 09:16

Why are you still with him? Why did you choose to have another baby with him after he was a 'brat' last time (and is a brat generally)? Why do so many women vent about these appalling fuckwit men repeatedly on MN and then just stay with them and put up with the same shit for decades?

Catwoman8 · 16/04/2025 09:16

What a pathetic man child, can't even make his own GP appointment. The first thing to do is stop pandering to him now, there is no way I'd be making hot cups of tea and toast to someone calling me that ,he can do his own!

DBSFstupid · 16/04/2025 09:16

I wonder if the OP will come back to comment. She's probably overwhelmed.

BeeCucumber · 16/04/2025 09:17

These types of threads are so depressing.

Panfish · 16/04/2025 09:18

He was a total nightmare when DD was born he could not handle the 2 hour wakes.

and you thought… let’s go for another!!

Panfish · 16/04/2025 09:19

BeeCucumber · 16/04/2025 09:17

These types of threads are so depressing.

Aren’t they

Barely formed adults having children

Panfish · 16/04/2025 09:20

You’re on AL? What did you have planned pre this shit show?

Boomer55 · 16/04/2025 09:20

Mostaggrieved · 16/04/2025 06:35

Just been called a c**t. How lovely.

DP 43 hasn’t been well since Sunday, had sore throat and fever. Stayed in bed all day Sunday - our DD2 was just getting over a sickness so me and her popped over to my mums for a few hours to let him sleep.

Monday comes, I’m at work so arrange my mum to come to help as he’s still not well, I get home from work - DP off to bed I look after DD bathtime bed etc.

Tuesday, DD at nursery I’m on AL and he’s off. I get up with DD get ready fed and watered take to nursery. Get back DP asks me to make a GP appt so book it. He goes back to bed - I clear up do washing etc then take his lordship to the Doctors - throat infection. Pick up antibiotics bring him home make his soup whilst he groans through every mouthful. DP then back to bed (can I have a hot water bottle please, can I have a blanket please, can I have a cold bottle of water, can you go back and put some squash into it please)

finally goes to sleep - at this point it’s worth saying I have been up early and through the night for the past 3 weeks dealing with a sick and therefore stroppy toddler, working, studying. Also 5 months pregnant with a high risk pregnancy. DP also has a snoring issue so much so the neighbour has commented which has been exacerbated by sore throat, I decide I’m going to have a nap myself and take an hour before picking DD up from nursery, DP still in bed. Go and get daughter, come back.

DP still unable to move. Sitting on sofa in vegetative like state. Get DD bathed put her to bed which is an hour and a half of me lieing next to her staring at the ceiling until she drifts off. She’s asleep, cut her nails then put her into her bed.

Get up, come into front room - go to put toast on as starving. “Can you make me some toast please” yes okay make toast give it - then make my toast. I decide to call it a day get shower get into bed.

5am this morning my daughter has already clambered into our bed in middle of the night. DP gets up sulking saying he’s not well and DD is snoring (pot kettle) and goes to the sofa, Waking DD up. DD awake now and grumpy and also in front room - DP “oh please give it a rest I’m not well” DD scared of dark so upset about light - so DP walks back into bedroom “fine I’ll go back in the bedroom” tells me I’ll have to get up with DD.

I said “and who is the toddler in this situation”. He shouts back “I have a throat infection” I then say well sometimes you just have to get on with it don’t you like I have to, cast your mind back to amount of times I’ve been sick and your life goes on as normal and I just have to get on with it” then he shouts “oh fuck off you cunt I have a throat infection”. I said if you didn’t take the piss usually then it wouldn’t be so bad but you need to grow up.

I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic but this is now day 4 and it’s a bit boring. And I feel a bit taken the piss out off. Every day normally I get up get baby ready take her to nursery and go to work. Every day he gets up gets himself ready and goes to work. When I’m at work and he’s off I’m still expected to get up get ready get baby ready fed watered whilst he stays in bed until I’m literally walking out the door.

I’ve been sick multiple times due to whatever has been bought home from the nursery but life goes on! Me and DD now in the front room on episode 4 of peppa pig. I’m livid about calling me a cunt. He made a comment last night about the hoovering (as I’d had my first nap in about 2 years on my day off, just got over a sick toddler and now another one, also as I said 5 months pregnant) and he’s unable to move any part of his body. Considering hoovering the bedroom right this very second seeing as it’s as urgent as he made out. The tumble dryer could also do with going on.

I just know this is now what I have to deal with the entire day on top of my DD who is going to be overtired from 11am due to being woken up by my 43 year old DPs tantrum. (She refuses to nap)

Sore throat or not, I couldn’t put up with anyone calling me a cunt.😒

A complete no-no.

Nevermindthebuzzard · 16/04/2025 09:21

Please don't have a 3rd child with him - this new baby is already being born into a shit relationship. The writing is on the wall for your relationship. Why have you run around looking after him? It's only a sore throat.

YourWildAmberSloth · 16/04/2025 09:22

I read it as 3 children, which is even worst!

Pricelessadvice · 16/04/2025 09:22

Why did you think having a second child with this prince was a good idea??

Pancakeflipper · 16/04/2025 09:30

If my DP called me a c* he'd be off the sofa and out the door. That alone would be a deal breaker for me.

Start setting higher standards of behaviour otherwise your relationship is doomed.

MiniPumpkin · 16/04/2025 09:32

Disgusting language.
sorry but he may be very ill but I don’t believe he is not able to call gp, get his own water, then he’s got the cheek to ask you to add squash. Thats just ridiculous

MrsMariaReynolds · 16/04/2025 09:33

He has shown you the type of person he is time and time again. About time you believe it. He won't change.

HuskyNew · 16/04/2025 09:36

Mostaggrieved · 16/04/2025 07:01

I have made comment about when the new baby comes to him. He was a total nightmare when DD was born he could not handle the 2 hour wakes. I had to stay in hospital a bit longer and the ward sister said to him they don’t usually let dads stay on the ward but mums exhausted and poorly so as they’d given me a room they’d be happy for him to stay. He declined as he thought the hospital room was too hot.

I did resent him for that but slowly got over it and put it down to just not coping as a first time parent.

He is a brat. He’s never been able to cope with any form of sickness but he really must grow up. I also think he may have some sort of undiagnosed sleep apnea which needs addressed as part of the reason our DD is waking up is due to the snoring rattling through the entire house (and next doors)

I won’t allow it with this baby though he’s already been warned.

I appreciate he may be unwell but it’s hard to not compare it to the times I’ve not been right but just had to get through it.

he is a sight as pp mentioned in his dressing gown of doom on - an old pair of my slippers and his daughters pink elephant blanket. There’s groaning sounds made with every movement of his body and my sympathy has completely run out

What do you mean you “won’t allow it”?

you’re allowing it now, without a tiny baby wearing you down. NOW is the time to step up, don’t give your poor post partum self the responsibility, it’s not realistic

TwentyKittens · 16/04/2025 09:37

I won’t allow it with this baby though he’s already been warned.

I just don't see you following through on this. He treats you like shit so why wait another four months.

Foreheadthing · 16/04/2025 09:38

Copperoliverbear · 16/04/2025 07:08

If he was my husband I’d have told him in no uncertain terms if you every call me that again that sore throat will be the least of your worries, you overgrown man child and be careful when you’re asleep someone doesn’t strangle your sore throat and from now on look after yourself as I have enough to do, you have a sore throat not an amputated leg.

This

muggart · 16/04/2025 09:44

What a pathetic little man.

Please, OP, know your worth and stop pandering to this. You deserve better.

ShouldIEvenBother · 16/04/2025 09:44

Men like this do not change. If you want a better life for yourself and your children, you need to start planning to leave. It will be hell on earth once the baby arrives - do you have family you can turn to, OP?

ConnieSlow · 16/04/2025 09:46

So you knew he was a terrible first time father but ignored that gigantic flag and then decided another child was a great idea.
and now he’s verbally abusive, so I’m not sure what you are expecting ? Either time to make some tough choices or stay and live this way.

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