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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DP has a throat Infection but I’m a c**t

143 replies

Mostaggrieved · 16/04/2025 06:35

Just been called a c**t. How lovely.

DP 43 hasn’t been well since Sunday, had sore throat and fever. Stayed in bed all day Sunday - our DD2 was just getting over a sickness so me and her popped over to my mums for a few hours to let him sleep.

Monday comes, I’m at work so arrange my mum to come to help as he’s still not well, I get home from work - DP off to bed I look after DD bathtime bed etc.

Tuesday, DD at nursery I’m on AL and he’s off. I get up with DD get ready fed and watered take to nursery. Get back DP asks me to make a GP appt so book it. He goes back to bed - I clear up do washing etc then take his lordship to the Doctors - throat infection. Pick up antibiotics bring him home make his soup whilst he groans through every mouthful. DP then back to bed (can I have a hot water bottle please, can I have a blanket please, can I have a cold bottle of water, can you go back and put some squash into it please)

finally goes to sleep - at this point it’s worth saying I have been up early and through the night for the past 3 weeks dealing with a sick and therefore stroppy toddler, working, studying. Also 5 months pregnant with a high risk pregnancy. DP also has a snoring issue so much so the neighbour has commented which has been exacerbated by sore throat, I decide I’m going to have a nap myself and take an hour before picking DD up from nursery, DP still in bed. Go and get daughter, come back.

DP still unable to move. Sitting on sofa in vegetative like state. Get DD bathed put her to bed which is an hour and a half of me lieing next to her staring at the ceiling until she drifts off. She’s asleep, cut her nails then put her into her bed.

Get up, come into front room - go to put toast on as starving. “Can you make me some toast please” yes okay make toast give it - then make my toast. I decide to call it a day get shower get into bed.

5am this morning my daughter has already clambered into our bed in middle of the night. DP gets up sulking saying he’s not well and DD is snoring (pot kettle) and goes to the sofa, Waking DD up. DD awake now and grumpy and also in front room - DP “oh please give it a rest I’m not well” DD scared of dark so upset about light - so DP walks back into bedroom “fine I’ll go back in the bedroom” tells me I’ll have to get up with DD.

I said “and who is the toddler in this situation”. He shouts back “I have a throat infection” I then say well sometimes you just have to get on with it don’t you like I have to, cast your mind back to amount of times I’ve been sick and your life goes on as normal and I just have to get on with it” then he shouts “oh fuck off you cunt I have a throat infection”. I said if you didn’t take the piss usually then it wouldn’t be so bad but you need to grow up.

I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic but this is now day 4 and it’s a bit boring. And I feel a bit taken the piss out off. Every day normally I get up get baby ready take her to nursery and go to work. Every day he gets up gets himself ready and goes to work. When I’m at work and he’s off I’m still expected to get up get ready get baby ready fed watered whilst he stays in bed until I’m literally walking out the door.

I’ve been sick multiple times due to whatever has been bought home from the nursery but life goes on! Me and DD now in the front room on episode 4 of peppa pig. I’m livid about calling me a cunt. He made a comment last night about the hoovering (as I’d had my first nap in about 2 years on my day off, just got over a sick toddler and now another one, also as I said 5 months pregnant) and he’s unable to move any part of his body. Considering hoovering the bedroom right this very second seeing as it’s as urgent as he made out. The tumble dryer could also do with going on.

I just know this is now what I have to deal with the entire day on top of my DD who is going to be overtired from 11am due to being woken up by my 43 year old DPs tantrum. (She refuses to nap)

OP posts:
Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 16/04/2025 07:26

What a prince among men.

You say DP so presumably not married. What is the financial situation? Are you on the mortgage? Deeds? Or renting? I would be seriously re-evaluating what he brings to the relationship and considering whether it would be better to go it alone.

Imbusytodaysorry · 16/04/2025 07:27

Sameoldsameoldsame · 16/04/2025 06:39

Your dp sounds awful. Sadly you are having another child with this waste of space. You need a serious chat.

This .

GeorgeA12 · 16/04/2025 07:28

How can he eat toast with a throat infection. Sounds like he is playing you up. Has he lost respect for himself or depressed?

Whyx · 16/04/2025 07:28

GeorgeA12 · 16/04/2025 07:28

How can he eat toast with a throat infection. Sounds like he is playing you up. Has he lost respect for himself or depressed?

I thought this too...and shouting?!

BellissimoGecko · 16/04/2025 07:30

Why oh why are you having another baby with this useless, unpleasant, lazy waste of space? Why??

he sounds absolutely fucking awful. What does he bring to your life? What do you think your life will be like with 2 dc? Why are you putting up with doing all the work now?

I’d leave him.

Peripop · 16/04/2025 07:31

Omg fuck this dude, if he was single would he just perish in his own filth, unable to make toast or book appointments for himself? No. And the name calling? Gah i'm so angry for you...you're pregnant!!

TheBuffetInspector · 16/04/2025 07:32

I looked after 2 kids on my own until I got hospitalised with a quinsy as GP receptionist said they wouldn't do antibiotics.

I was cooking and crying my eyes out, I couldn't swallow, I was drooling out of my mouth. I couldn't speak.
I wasn't marytring myself and I'm not trying to sound like I deserve a medal, but for fucks sake - he's called you a cunt?
You've taken kids to your Mum's to let him rest?

What a selfish self pitying nasty cunt he his himself.

You can show him that from me. Snivelling little shite. Throat can't be that bad if he can bandy round the insults.

GeorgeA12 · 16/04/2025 07:32

I think he is probably looking for attention. My dad used to do things like this with my mum but it has the opposite effect.

Maray1967 · 16/04/2025 07:33

Get him told. Anyone who swears at me gets no food, drinks or phone calls to the GP. That is it.

I’m petty enough to take my old slippers off him as they’re mine…

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 16/04/2025 07:33

I've just had a throat infection.
8 days of barely being able to talk and living off of protein shakes because and paracetamol because I couldn't swallow any food. It was incredibly painful and I felt awful

If he truly was that sick he certainly wouldn't be able to make toast, moan at your daughter and Shout at you calling you the most vile, horrible name.

He is a disgusting man who seems selfish in every respect.

A selfish father, husband and neighbor.

How can you even share a bed with such an immature, verbally abusive, sulky man?

Isthisit22 · 16/04/2025 07:34

Why do you put up with it then?

S0j0urn4r · 16/04/2025 07:34

Whyx · 16/04/2025 07:28

I thought this too...and shouting?!

Exactly! You can't eat toast with a throat that bad. What a total arse.

consistentlyinconsistent · 16/04/2025 07:37

I'm shocked that you have actively chosen to have another child with this man who sounds like he has repeatedly shown you who he is over the years. You'll be ground down for the rest of your DC's childhoods and possibly beyond.

MakingPlans2025 · 16/04/2025 07:39

It is fundamentally unacceptable to speak to you like that. The first time my husband called me a cunt was when I started planning to leave.

Ariel896 · 16/04/2025 07:41

I can’t believe after how he treated you when you were ill with your first baby, that not only you stayed with him but you went on to have another baby with this pathetic piece of shit. What positive qualities about this useless cunt made you think hmmmmmm I should definitely have another baby with him?!?!! I’m genuinely baffled

AmazingBouncingFerret · 16/04/2025 07:41

What does he actually bring to the relationship? Other than money? Which you could get via child maintenance payments and then your life would be a lot more pleasant from the sounds of it.

Barney16 · 16/04/2025 07:45

Has someone asked already, is he wearing the dressing gown of doom? ( I think that's the right phrase) I'm sorry he's being such a twat OP. I wouldn't be running around after him. He's a grown man.

DeffoNeedANameChange · 16/04/2025 07:45

This throat infection isn't the issue here.

Tonsillitis can be really hideous as an adult, and I'd usually be pretty forgiving about him being grumpy with it, especially when woken up at 5am by a needy toddler. But it sounds like it's his behaviour all the rest of the time that's the real problem....

Sameoldsameoldsame · 16/04/2025 07:47

ToKittyornottoKitty · 16/04/2025 07:09

Except you’ve already allowed it, why? What makes you think he will change when you add in another small human? You’ve not addressed the issue before getting pregnant again, and now you’re pregnant it’s ’when the baby comes I won’t allow it’ so you’re delaying it again. Why not start insisting on changes right now? He isn’t going to have a personality transplant at some point in the future OP

This.

It's occurred already and another young person on the way before it's dealt with. The outcome isn't looking good, doormat, separation or inlikely the brat grows up.

Pigeonqueen · 16/04/2025 07:51

He an absolute arsehole. You would do well to leave him now when the kids are still small enough not to remember being a family with him. This is only going to get worse.

I’ve had tonsillitis and glandular fever at the same time before (alongside my complex autoimmune issues) and still cared for my then toddler Ds who has autism and complex needs. Yes I felt like absolute shite but had no family help so just had to get on with it. He’s being an absolute dick.

BogRollBOGOF · 16/04/2025 07:53

He needs to take some responsibility for his own health, particularly for the sleep apnea/ snoring. There's a major respect issue going on anyway but if his sleep quality is awful, as well as affecting the rest of the household it will be aggravating everything else.

He needs to grow up fast because his current behaviour and attitude are intolerable.

MummyJ36 · 16/04/2025 07:57

When you said you were 5 months pregnant I lost it.

Are you able to move out a week or so and stay with your mum to get some actual support? If my DH ever called me the c word I don’t think I could come back from that.

MummyJ36 · 16/04/2025 07:59

Also I had tonsillitis (I’m assuming this is what he has), felt like s**t but still had to get on with daily life. As soon as I started in the antibiotics I felt loads better. He has zero fucking excuse at this point. Also what an absolute loser asking you to book him a GP appointment like a baby!

LumpyandBumps · 16/04/2025 08:16

I still can’t come to terms with him groaning eating soup and then wanting TOAST.
I’ve had my fair share of throat infections and toast can feel like razor blades. I am also pretty sure that when I was really bad I wouldn’t have cared if the house was looking like ‘hoarders’ let alone noticed that a bit of hoovering was needed.
No matter how ill he thinks he is there is no justification for taking it out on you.

TheFatCatsWhiskers1 · 16/04/2025 08:21

I can understand feeling grumpy about being woken up when you're ill, but telling you to fuck off and calling you a cunt is inexcusable. I'm afraid I would take him at his word and leave, but I don't have children to consider.

How on earth would he cope if he were single? Would his mum come round and nurse him? Confused I spent three weeks very ill with tonsillitis and glandular fever and had no one at all to look after me. It was awful but I just had to take care of myself the best I could. His throat can't be that bad if he's demanding toast. I could barely manage an ice lolly.