DP has a throat Infection but I’m a c**t

[Mostaggrieved]

Just been called a c**t. How lovely.

DP 43 hasn’t been well since Sunday, had sore throat and fever. Stayed in bed all day Sunday - our DD2 was just getting over a sickness so me and her popped over to my mums for a few hours to let him sleep.

Monday comes, I’m at work so arrange my mum to come to help as he’s still not well, I get home from work - DP off to bed I look after DD bathtime bed etc.

Tuesday, DD at nursery I’m on AL and he’s off. I get up with DD get ready fed and watered take to nursery. Get back DP asks me to make a GP appt so book it. He goes back to bed - I clear up do washing etc then take his lordship to the Doctors - throat infection. Pick up antibiotics bring him home make his soup whilst he groans through every mouthful. DP then back to bed (can I have a hot water bottle please, can I have a blanket please, can I have a cold bottle of water, can you go back and put some squash into it please)

finally goes to sleep - at this point it’s worth saying I have been up early and through the night for the past 3 weeks dealing with a sick and therefore stroppy toddler, working, studying. Also 5 months pregnant with a high risk pregnancy. DP also has a snoring issue so much so the neighbour has commented which has been exacerbated by sore throat, I decide I’m going to have a nap myself and take an hour before picking DD up from nursery, DP still in bed. Go and get daughter, come back.

DP still unable to move. Sitting on sofa in vegetative like state. Get DD bathed put her to bed which is an hour and a half of me lieing next to her staring at the ceiling until she drifts off. She’s asleep, cut her nails then put her into her bed.

Get up, come into front room - go to put toast on as starving. “Can you make me some toast please” yes okay make toast give it - then make my toast. I decide to call it a day get shower get into bed.

5am this morning my daughter has already clambered into our bed in middle of the night. DP gets up sulking saying he’s not well and DD is snoring (pot kettle) and goes to the sofa, Waking DD up. DD awake now and grumpy and also in front room - DP “oh please give it a rest I’m not well” DD scared of dark so upset about light - so DP walks back into bedroom “fine I’ll go back in the bedroom” tells me I’ll have to get up with DD.

I said “and who is the toddler in this situation”. He shouts back “I have a throat infection” I then say well sometimes you just have to get on with it don’t you like I have to, cast your mind back to amount of times I’ve been sick and your life goes on as normal and I just have to get on with it” then he shouts “oh fuck off you cunt I have a throat infection”. I said if you didn’t take the piss usually then it wouldn’t be so bad but you need to grow up.

I don’t mean to sound unsympathetic but this is now day 4 and it’s a bit boring. And I feel a bit taken the piss out off. Every day normally I get up get baby ready take her to nursery and go to work. Every day he gets up gets himself ready and goes to work. When I’m at work and he’s off I’m still expected to get up get ready get baby ready fed watered whilst he stays in bed until I’m literally walking out the door.

I’ve been sick multiple times due to whatever has been bought home from the nursery but life goes on! Me and DD now in the front room on episode 4 of peppa pig. I’m livid about calling me a cunt. He made a comment last night about the hoovering (as I’d had my first nap in about 2 years on my day off, just got over a sick toddler and now another one, also as I said 5 months pregnant) and he’s unable to move any part of his body. Considering hoovering the bedroom right this very second seeing as it’s as urgent as he made out. The tumble dryer could also do with going on.

I just know this is now what I have to deal with the entire day on top of my DD who is going to be overtired from 11am due to being woken up by my 43 year old DPs tantrum. (She refuses to nap)

My husband had a severe case of tonsillitis and didn't act like that! He was still trying to get on with things as best he could, you need to think if the roles were reversed would he be as nice as you have been? If not then I'd be questioning the relationship to be honest, you shouldn't be treated as a servant because he has a sore throat, tell him to grow up and you're not his mother

If he was truly suffering, he wouldn't have the energy or the ability to make demands on his wife. Let alone start hurling abuse at her.

@Mostaggrieved Just tell him to get out.
I got so angry earlier as I met my daughters Dad in my mid 20s. He was 10 years older than me.
I was young, I was pretty, I was intelligent, I had a decent job in IT, I was half way through a Computing degree with the OU. I was also raising my son alone.

Being called a cunt was such a daily occurrence over the years that it didn't even register. It became normal. I gave up my job after a couple of years because the accusations were wearing me down. It was pretty much a male dominated environment back then.
I stopped going out as he'd get insecure being 10 years older. I stopped seeing my Mum.
We never lived together in 6 years but all I did was stay home, get depressed, pile on weight. He didn't actually see me once for 3 months. He'd always disappear in the Sumner because he had' gigs'. Woo local pub...
It never worked when we were together and it was always my fault. Of course. Well, after having lots of gynae problems early on and scans showing scarred tubes and fibroids and 6 years of unprotected sex.. Just at my lowest... That's right!
Well baby came and 3 weeks post section, he had me on the floor punching my head, calling me a cunt! I used my hand to protect my head. He broke it. Imagine lifting a newborn with a mashed bruised yellow, purple and green hand.

I finally had enough had him fucking arrested and removed from the house. Baby wasn't even once month old, but the sense of relief. Temporarily. We're still connected, baby is 16. She's always had contact with him when he's bothered.
He still calls me a cunt. He still tries to bully and gaslight me.

The difference now is, I couldn't give a a shit. He's been in my life for half of it and thinking like that makes me sick.

BUT

I shall never ever regret splitting for good when baby was 3 weeks old.
A house of peace, or house of laughter, a messy house if I so chose (I didnt rinse the dishes properly apparently and that could cause him cancer - he'd say that to me with a fag in his mouth, the dickhead)

When you think you have to settle, or when you are so lost that you accept abusive behaviour as the norm then you don't realise just how lost you are. You don't even know it until something truly awful happens. The verbal turns physical or something happens to one of the children.

Stop running round trying to appease him and please him because you never will. He looks upon you with disdain. He doesn't care about you. He wants you where you are. He wants to control you.
He wants to call you a cunt and he expects you to accept that you are cunt.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing. You sound like a very capable, competent, organised mother with your own Mum for support.

Ditch the real cunt in this scenario. He's only bringing you misery. That's what he wants. Control and abuse.

Cunt has no meaning to me now. It's just a word.

It's one word though that is just sprouting in your relationship whilst you are pregnant with his child.
Unfortunately with words, usually come actions.

You take action.

You take VERY good care of you and your children.

God, he sounds horrendous.

I wouldn’t tolerate anyone calling me a C, regardless of the circumstances.

I agree. Why did you get with him and start a family OP? ( not meant unkindly )

You’re having another child with him? Why?

I had a throat infection a few months ago and I felt awful, really dreadful. I could barely function and had to draft in support for some of the day as it was half term at the time. However, I am a single mum so had no choice but to parent as my ex had the sniffles so couldn't possibly have the children.

I think you have been sympathetic throughout and I get the resentment as you are tired. When he's better you need to have a serious word about how he talked to you and that he can't abdicate all parental responsibilities because he's ill.

Wouldn’t matter if my partner had a slight cold or on death’s door, if he called me a cunt he’d be out the door. Why is the bar so, so low, especially when kids are involved.

Well, he's told you to 'f' off, so I'd do exactly that, keep out of his way and ignore any requests for anything he wants as you're keeping away from his as requested.

If the throat infection is so bad, what has the GP said?

Has he actually taken any Paracetamol or Ibuprofen or gargled with warm salt water in all of this? I'm afraid I give very short shrift to any male in my household who groans and lies around with any pain or illness until they have maxed out on pain killers/hot water bottles on site of pain/whatever self help is recommended by NHS website!
Like you, I had years of just having to get on with it so I don't see why men don't have to.

I don't think I'd have brought a 3rd child (yes I'm including your DH) into the household in your circumstances, but as it's already happening, you need to draw up a timetable/planner of exactly what jobs your DH will be responsible for going forward.

You’re better than me, I’d have lasted 2 days max of sympathy. What a massive baby.

He sounds awful, but in his defence I have once had a really bad throat infection and I felt so awful. Definitely wasn't just an average sore throat, my tonsils were giant balls of pus and could hardly swallow.

I had one of these. Including the gown of doom. It didn’t get better. Did nearly all the childcare and housework. I also worked full-time, and studied. He had a lovely life. Played football. Met his friends. Went to the gym twice a day! Did no housework at all. And about 15% of the child related duties. Went to the pub. Had lie ins Saturday and Sunday (apparently I didn’t need to lie in as I like getting up early). When I complained about him going to the gym twice a day while I was getting the kids ready, picking up from school, feeding them, etc., he told me I was just trying to take away something because I knew he enjoyed it. And also he didn’t enjoy going. He went out of necessity. So it therefore didn’t count as leisure time. And also it was in order to be healthy. And did I want him to die young??!!! 😳 Everything attempt to get him to pull his weight was met with manipulative arguments like that or deflection so he didn’t have to admit how lazy he was. I also got called a c*nt, regularly. He was never going to change. I finally accepted that. And now we are divorced. We actually get on pretty well now as it happens. Help each other out. He pulls his weight. He has to! I’m not there anymore.

And during that time you were well enough to be out of bed, want toast, shout and swear and call your loved ones a cunt?

No, I thought not because you were properly poorly.

I'd be a c**t and get rid of this waste of O2 !!!

Look, you need to stop running around after him. its probably ingrained in him from childhood.

Next time he's ill like that, let him get on with it. He can make his own doctors appointments and fetch his own drinks/food. As for right now, just stop. Being called a cunt is line stepping behaviour.. just stop.

Hero doesn't start with a c and end with a t.

Just in case your keyboard is broken.

You know they’re not all like this don’t you? There are loads of men out there who can suffer through an illness while pulling their weight at home and with children, make their own GP appointments and not be verbally abusive.

Bet you couldn't eat Toast though. This arsehole can and expected the OP to make it for him after calling her a cunt.

I wish l could be a man when l was ill. Being waited on, flouncing about, going on about how ill l am, not taking responsibility for anything etc etc. Back in the real world lm female and have to suck it up

I’d be leaving him to rot and not lift a finger for him from now on.

Will he be magically well enough to go down the pub/cycling/football over the bank holiday weekend I wonder?

Prick.

@BustyLaRoux I just cracked up seeing your username 🤣 shouldn't laugh, serious post and I'm glad you get on better now.

It got me thinking though...

What about

GustyBaloo? 🤣 Sorry. I am actually taking myself to sit in the corner.

You’re staying in this relationship hoping he’ll grow up.

He’s staying because he doesn’t have to grow up.

Nothing will change unless you stop pandering to him (which will either make him change ,want to leave himself or become so awful you will have to) or you leave him.

Otherwise this is your future. 2 actual children and a whiny man baby that doesn’t support you and hurls abuse at you when you’re not mothering him well enough.

I’d guess his mum babied him when he was ill and he’s reverting to that. Time for him to grow up. You’re not his mother.

I can’t claim credit. I think Marge Simpson might have said it. I don’t know why but it stuck in my mind for about 20 years. I love it. I’m glad it’s struck a chord with you too! 🥰

I’m afraid to say, but this is very likely spot on!