To be annoyed at work colleagues

[justanotherimperfectmum2025]

My 4yo DD’s nursery are doing a sponsored egg hunt for Claire House. We were given a sponsor form for people to fill in pledges to then give to the nursery on the day of the event. I brought the form into work (I’ve been there since September 2021) to generate some money 2 weeks ago on 31st when I came back so work from maternity, (that’s when we were given the form by Nursery). I sent a message to the whole team (we have a group chat on what’s app) with a pic of it and the date of the event, and the date of when I would collect. This is the message it read:

“Jess’ nursery is doing a sponsored egg hunt for Claire House. I If you can afford to give anything you can please, it would be much appreciated, no pressure! The egg hunt is on the 16th, so I can collect when I’m last in before that date on the 14th. Thanks! I’ve left it on top of the reception desk whenever you have a chance. Thanks.”

I thought it was nice, polite, not demanding and had stated all the facts clearly. I even reminded them the day before I was due to collect

“To all the staff who have kindly put their name down to sponsor Jess in her Nursery’s egg hunt for Claire House, can you please bring the money to work tomorrow as it’s my last shift before the egg hunt on Wednesday. Thank you”

Only 2 people put their names down out of the whole lot. One was my manager which I thought would have added more weight to it.

AIBU to expect slightly more than that and feel annoyed that not that many put their names down after giving them notice? The money isn’t even for me or my DD, it wasn’t even for the nursery, it is for a charity.

Family have helped out too, though, I’m not disregarding or invalidating their contributions and I appreciate times are hard everything is going up and everyone is tightening their belts (ours included), but they had no problem giving money for someone’s retirement , and as much as I’m not taking it as a personal attack, I cannot help but feel like it’s partly popularity contest, if I was more ‘pally’ with some of the more well liked members of staff, or the louder, more extroverted ones, that more people would have put their names down?

The only thing that worries me is that where my place of work and DD nursery is based is in an affluent, ‘posh’ area, so all the children’s parents will all have high end, higher paid jobs, and if they do the same thing I did, they’re all going to come with money into the £50-100’s, and I’ll look like a cheap dick head with only something like £20-30 quid. I’m going to feel awful or judged if I’ve not raised as much as the other parents have.

AIBU to be annoyed/disappointed
or
IABU to have hoped for more?

sorry for the long post!

Please be kind

Thanks

Christ you've doubled down

Has anyone else ever left a child's sponsorship form? No? Then there's the protocol.

I can't believe you're actually comparing your child, who very few if any of your colleagues have even met, doing a 'sponsored' Easter egg hunt to a colleague they work with every day who is retiring after however many years of service.

Grow up and get a grip.

The protocol is not to bother your work colleagues with this at all. You pay for your child’s silly little sponsored activity. They pay for their kids’s silly little sponsored activities. That’s it.

Oh, come on. Not everyone is made of money. I actually think putting this kind of pressure on parents who are already burdened with significant childcare costs was not really fair of the nursery in the first place.

I honestly couldn’t look any of my colleagues in the eye if I’d sent either of those messages. Totally cringe. I wouldn’t sponsor even if it was a close colleague, but I would put in for a retirement, it’s totally different! I choose what charities I help and won’t be guilt tripped by work people.

We’ve done things like food bank collections at work which is a little different as people can put in what they can afford without others knowing how much they donated..

I hate all these sponsored things which people just treat as competitive popularity contest. Your main reason for doing this is - checks notes - to compete with the other parents and “not look like a dickhead” Nice

This.

I think you may need to consider how many sponsored events your dear child will be participating in through life , Will you expect people to donate on every occasion, the sponsored silence in year one, the sponsored walk for whatever in year two. I understand it’s disappointing but maybe your colleagues are too busy donating to their own charities and children. People only retire once, donate or don’t . Make peace with the fact that your child is only important to you. And trying to keep up with the other parents will get you no where. I wish you luck in your future because you sound like you only want the best for your child.

How is that relevant to your work colleagues?

They’re also doing a raffle and asking for presents, so it’s not like they don’t do things like this themselves as a work place. Be interesting to see what happens…..

But you’re presumably not taking the present request to your daughter’s nursery and asking the staff and the parents of the other kids to donate, because your work raffle is nothing to do with them. Just like how your daughter’s nursery egg hunt is nothing to do with your work colleagues.

This

It also irritates the hell out of me when people expect sponsorship money before the event. It used to be that you'd sponsor for so much per xyz and pay when it was all added up, and to my mind giving upfront lends too much of an opportunity for the sponsored one not to bother

I've known it happen too many times ...

I honestly think the days of sponsored whatever are over. The time has passed.

I think probably the “sponsor me to go on a holiday trecking with llamas in Peru” demands killed it all off.

These days people just donate directly to a charity.

YABU to expect your work colleagues to contribute to this. This is a personal event, if you had mentioned it in an off hand “Jess is doing a sponsored egg hunt” and a colleague offered to add their name thats fine.

As a parent I get all sorts of requests from my sons school, clubs etc plus contributing to birthdays and general fundraisers at work. I would not be happy to be expected to also pay for my colleagues children's events.

Eggxactly. Sponsored events are supposed to be hard, challenging events, not fun things every child will do anyway. The nursery do not care how much money you bring.

We have had 5 yes 5 collections this month at work with 3 staff leaving, one big Birthday and a poorly colleague. We are a small team of NHS Nurses and whilst I have given (felt like I had no choice) I feel like it is too much to constantly be asked to give money at work. Some folks just don't have it, or have things they woukld prefer to spend their money on. Another then asked for donations for her cousin doing a charity run - waaaaaay too much and not a chance I will give.

I never took any sponsorship for my son into work - family and very close friends only - at wok I have sponsored colleagues doing the marathon for charity, a triathlon etc and contributed to the cancer tea afternoons etc

When my son was trying to raise funds for cancer research by doing a local 10 mile walk I extended the people he asked to those that he knows really well in our small road

I'm just conscious that you can't sponsor everything - I already do 3 charities each month they are meaningful to me

I cannot help but feel like it’s partly popularity contest, if I was more ‘pally’ with some of the more well liked members of staff, or the louder, more extroverted ones, that more people would have put their names down?

I believe there is truth in this. I have observed this over time.

With respect, kids are fairly Frequently coming home with these sponsorship type forms. People are so busy juggling so much in life parenthood, running a home, working full time, life admin, trying to be a partner, a child, a mother,a friend... It's overwhelming and with all due respect a colleague's nursery Easter collection is not going to be on their radar. They likely read your message and their brain knew they could move on, that is not going to be a priority for them.
Not to mention that many people have standing orders to charities and don't really sponsor extra things going on. Your four years olds nursery event might be a big thing in your life at the moment but it isn't and shouldn't be expected to be for your random colleagues.

The only thing that worries me is that where my place of work and DD nursery is based is in an affluent, ‘posh’ area, so all the children’s parents will all have high end, higher paid jobs, and if they do the same thing I did, they’re all going to come with money into the £50-100’s, and I’ll look like a cheap dick head with only something like £20-30 quid. I’m going to feel awful or judged if I’ve not raised as much as the other parents have.

Quite aside from the rather bizarre competitiveness with other parents, I highly doubt any of the parents with "high end, higher paid jobs" brought the form in to work. They will just throw a few bob in themselves and that will be that.

When my dc were at that stage, we sponsored them and their grandparents sponsored them sometimes. Neither dh nor I ever asked colleagues, neighbours or friends to sponsor them. Dh and I have well paid jobs, as do our colleagues. They never ask us to sponsor their dc either. It would be a major faux pas to do so.

I think most parents just stick £10 or £20 in the envelope themselves and don't ask anyone.

Not only are yabvu to ask, you expect those that have been daft enough to agree to it to pay up before the event??!
WHat if she doesn't do it, or doesn't complete it? Will you return the money, or expect them to give money anyway.

You clearly don't think a lot of your colleagues - why don't you leave and get a job as a chugger?

Did they contribute to a maternity leave gift by the way?

Jesus Christ. It’s an egg hunt, which is fun, that someone far removed from them is doing. Not like she’s sky diving or something.

A sponsored egg hunt…whatever next.

I’m cringing for you OP.

I wouldn't share this sort of thing with colleagues and I wouldn't sponsor a colleagues child for an egg hunt! If someone was doing something amazing like 20 marathons in 20 days I would consider sponsoring but otherwise no. I give lots of money to charity, but of my own choosing
I work in a huge organisation so it would get a but much if everyone was sending round these forms

I don’t sponsor children for stuff like this and I don’t ask. I just sponsor them £10. I personally find it irritating to be asked at work People are frequently asked for all sorts, I prefer to give to charities I choose not to sponsor people running, walking , shaving heads, dry January, having a jolly abroad or children standing on one leg or having a sponsored silence.

This!! 100%

That's natural though isn't it. Of course you'd be more likely to contribute to someone you are closer to or like more. If my work friend had a sponsored event, I'd obviously be more likely to give them money than a colleague I'm on hello and goodbye terms with. Why would people the OP isn't "pally" with sponsor her child who they don't know from adam?!

Of course you're unreasonable. You're expecting your colleagues to fund your desire to keep up with the joneses and apparently not look a dickhead.

This shit gets very tiresome in the workplace.