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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To find this bizarre? Friend and soap

593 replies

SplodgePocket · 15/04/2025 18:56

A friend came around earlier as I had a half day. Before she left, she said she was just popping to the loo. I then heard her call a minute later, “Splodge? There’s no soap”.

I have a dispenser, so I assumed it had run out and called back that there was some on the side of the bath. There was a pause and she called back, “No, not here”. I knew it was there so replied, “Just against the wall, behind the shower screen”. Again, a pause before a bewildered “No…”

I was completely confused now, as I knew very well it was there. I went through to the hall and she was standing in the doorway looking baffled. I went in, looked behind the screen and sure enough, there it was. I handed it to her and said, “Here, see?”

She burst out laughing and said, “Ohhhhh!! It’s shower gel!!” I was a bit confused and replied, “Well yes; soap, shower gel… whatever”. She was smiling at me a bit like I was a child who’d made a comical mistake. She said, “You said soap. This is shower gel. Show-er gel.” With the last bit really slowly, like she wasn’t sure English was my first language.

I was really taken aback. Who is this bizarrely literal? Surely it’s all pretty much the same thing? I thought maybe she was looking for a bar of soap and this was what had confused her somehow, but surely when you couldn’t see it you’d think “it must be the stuff in the bottle”? And even if you didn’t, wouldn’t you just have used the shower gel anyway?

I’ve never noticed her take things so literally before. Is it me or is this just really odd?!

OP posts:
FiveTreeHill · 16/04/2025 18:11

18 pages and a whole lot of faff could have been prevented if OP had just said use the shower gel 😂

Shower gel and soap are pretty similar but if someone was insistent there's was soap I'd be pretty baffled too if they had simply meant use the shower gel

Bbq1 · 16/04/2025 18:17

It feels a bit personal using somebody else's shower gel. Plus you were being pedantic, Op by repeatedly shouting up that there is soap there when it was in fact, shower gel.

Gwenhwyfar · 16/04/2025 18:20

SplodgePocket · 16/04/2025 01:18

Do I have to write a haiku or a sonnet to explain this again? Or express it through interpretative dance?

I did not know the soap dispenser was empty. I don’t know how many ways there are to say that. If I had known that, I would have filled it. I wouldn't have moved the shower gel because there wouldn’t have been any need.

Yes, but then when your visitor tells you there's no more soap you tell them to use the shower gel instead and that it's in the shower. Problem solved.

WellINeverrr · 16/04/2025 18:27

Yeah if someone spoke to me like I was slow in my own house then I'd be showing them the door rather than the soap.

Sleepington · 16/04/2025 18:28

Mnetcurious · 16/04/2025 17:33

If the op spoke to her with the same exasperation and belligerence that she’s used in her posts here, I’m not surprised the friend matched her rudeness.

Agree

Alwayswonderedwhy · 16/04/2025 18:31

Yeah, she was being a bit daft. If there was no soap by the sink I'd just use the shower gel without making a fuss. It'll do exactly the same job as soap or hand wash.

Beautifulweeds · 16/04/2025 18:44

They are all to wash with so wouldn't have even asked and used it anyway. Xx

Beautifulweeds · 16/04/2025 18:45

Why is shower gel personal?

Funnywonder · 16/04/2025 18:51

RecklessGoddess · 16/04/2025 17:52

Shower gel is absolutely not soap, it's shower gel just as your friend said. I would never have even considered using shower gel in someone else's house to wash my hands, unless told it was all there is available!

So what magical potion is shower gel if it isn’t soap? Guess what people used in the bath or shower before gel came along? A bar of soap. Same as the one that sat on the sink (but with a few pubes stuck to it.) Shower gel and liquid soap are interchangeable. There may be a bit more moisturiser in hand soap, or an antibacterial agent, but they are basically the same. They get you clean.

I do agree with pp’s that all this could have been avoided if the OP had said to use the shower gel, but the friend still sounds a bit dim for not figuring it out. And she was very rude in her response. I couldn’t be arsed with someone who spoke to me in that mocking tone.

pollymere · 16/04/2025 18:52

I have bar soap next to my sink. I wouldn't want people putting dirty hands on my shower gel... And it wouldn't cross my mind to use shower gel to wash my hands on someone's bathroom, sorry.

Eldermillennialmum · 16/04/2025 18:54

If it's in a shower gel bottle I'd be looking for a soap dispenser bottle

linsey2581 · 16/04/2025 19:17

I wash my hands with shower gel if I run out of soap what’s wrong with that?
For those of you saying I would never use shower gel to wash my hands then what do you wash your hands with in the shower? You would put the gel on your sponge/ cloth and clean your body, surely your hands are being cleaned with the shower gel.

4kids2cats · 16/04/2025 19:48

If I found myself in someone’s bathroom
and couldn’t immediately find soap I would definitely help myself to a tiny squirt of shower gel and wouldn’t bother doing all the shouting etc 🤷‍♀️

knor · 16/04/2025 20:08

Hmm bit confusing but I think you’re in the wrong OP. Shower gel isn’t antibacterial so doesn’t really do anything for your hands after using the loo. I’d recommend buying some proper antibacterial soap

Ilovesunshine22 · 16/04/2025 20:12

But shower gel isnt antibacterial

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 16/04/2025 20:13

DappledThings · 16/04/2025 14:59

Why are you so confused by the idea that sometimes people aren't completely organised and therefore don't always have supplies in? Sometimes things get overlooked. It's hardly an unusual situation.

If somebody doesn't choose to prioritise being able to wash their hands after using the toilet in their home - never once thinking to pick up a bottle or two of handwash or bars of soap to keep ready during any of numerous trips to the supermarket over a month or two (unless they're also too disorganised to ever buy any food either) - I guess that's their lookout.

Presumably such a person would be equally too disorganised to ever think to buy toilet paper or toothpaste and would have to find an alternative solution for those too (or otherwise just go without)?

What would they do if they were similarly too disorganised/not bothered to buy any shower gel either? Grim.

DappledThings · 16/04/2025 20:24

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 16/04/2025 20:13

If somebody doesn't choose to prioritise being able to wash their hands after using the toilet in their home - never once thinking to pick up a bottle or two of handwash or bars of soap to keep ready during any of numerous trips to the supermarket over a month or two (unless they're also too disorganised to ever buy any food either) - I guess that's their lookout.

Presumably such a person would be equally too disorganised to ever think to buy toilet paper or toothpaste and would have to find an alternative solution for those too (or otherwise just go without)?

What would they do if they were similarly too disorganised/not bothered to buy any shower gel either? Grim.

Edited

Yes, you're right. A one-off failure to check levels of soap in a dispenser definitely means they are deficient in all areas of cleanliness. Anything other than a 100% track record in never ever running out of one kind of toiletries means they are constantly failing to provide themselves with all other toiletries and should be shunned by society. Extrapolating from a one-time slip to assuming they are deficient in all aspects of personal cleanliness is definitely completely reasonable and not at all hyperbolic.

Shmee1988 · 16/04/2025 20:30

This is a bit nuts. When we are little we are taught to wash our hands with 'soap and water' not shower gel and water. Doesn't everyone have a little hand soap pump or bar of soap on the sink for hand washing? It would never ever occur to me that you meant to remove the 'shower gel' from the bath and use it as 'soap'. Sorry OP, I do think YABU on this one.

Mayana1 · 16/04/2025 20:31

SplodgePocket · 15/04/2025 18:56

A friend came around earlier as I had a half day. Before she left, she said she was just popping to the loo. I then heard her call a minute later, “Splodge? There’s no soap”.

I have a dispenser, so I assumed it had run out and called back that there was some on the side of the bath. There was a pause and she called back, “No, not here”. I knew it was there so replied, “Just against the wall, behind the shower screen”. Again, a pause before a bewildered “No…”

I was completely confused now, as I knew very well it was there. I went through to the hall and she was standing in the doorway looking baffled. I went in, looked behind the screen and sure enough, there it was. I handed it to her and said, “Here, see?”

She burst out laughing and said, “Ohhhhh!! It’s shower gel!!” I was a bit confused and replied, “Well yes; soap, shower gel… whatever”. She was smiling at me a bit like I was a child who’d made a comical mistake. She said, “You said soap. This is shower gel. Show-er gel.” With the last bit really slowly, like she wasn’t sure English was my first language.

I was really taken aback. Who is this bizarrely literal? Surely it’s all pretty much the same thing? I thought maybe she was looking for a bar of soap and this was what had confused her somehow, but surely when you couldn’t see it you’d think “it must be the stuff in the bottle”? And even if you didn’t, wouldn’t you just have used the shower gel anyway?

I’ve never noticed her take things so literally before. Is it me or is this just really odd?!

I actually don't use shower gel to wash my hands. Soap has antibacterial ingredients and having very dry hands I sometimes use the moisturising soap. I would not use shower gel either. Just don't feel comfortable touching someone else's shower gel. I wouldn't like someone would touch mine also.

DappledThings · 16/04/2025 20:32

Doesn't everyone have a little hand soap pump or bar of soap on the sink for hand washing?
Yep, pretty much everyone. Including OP.

BloodyHellBob · 16/04/2025 20:33

@SplodgePocketI’ve read your OP and voted and was amazed that apparently you were being unreasonable! I have this vision of a little empty liquid soap dispenser and a bottle of shower gel being the only things in your bathroom and your poor friend wailing at the absence of any soap or even soap-like product, bless her! Won’t you think of the bum bacteria?!

Your friend is clearly a bit mad (in my humble opinion) and you’re not being unreasonable.

Mayana1 · 16/04/2025 20:34

IfYouPutASausageInItItsNotAViennetta · 16/04/2025 20:13

If somebody doesn't choose to prioritise being able to wash their hands after using the toilet in their home - never once thinking to pick up a bottle or two of handwash or bars of soap to keep ready during any of numerous trips to the supermarket over a month or two (unless they're also too disorganised to ever buy any food either) - I guess that's their lookout.

Presumably such a person would be equally too disorganised to ever think to buy toilet paper or toothpaste and would have to find an alternative solution for those too (or otherwise just go without)?

What would they do if they were similarly too disorganised/not bothered to buy any shower gel either? Grim.

Edited

I don't think it's only down to be disorganised. I thought Covid had taught us all how important washing our hands is. And with antibacterial soap, of course. You would assume that we learned the lesson. Looks like some still didn't.

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 16/04/2025 20:35

SplodgePocket · 15/04/2025 19:03

Well, liquid soap. But it’s pretty much the same thing.

Can I ask those of you saying you’d never wash your hands with shower gel why it’s different to using it on the rest of your body?

Well if your guest had just had a poo would you really want them picking up something you keep your shower gel in with currently unwashed hands? Obviously we know you would be fine with that, but most people wouldn't because.... hygiene..

SplodgePocket · 16/04/2025 20:38

OhCalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 16/04/2025 20:35

Well if your guest had just had a poo would you really want them picking up something you keep your shower gel in with currently unwashed hands? Obviously we know you would be fine with that, but most people wouldn't because.... hygiene..

Edited

Well how would it be any more hygienic for her to touch my soap dispenser?

OP posts:
Mayana1 · 16/04/2025 20:40

SplodgePocket · 15/04/2025 19:02

You see this is exactly my thinking! It’s all pretty much the same thing! What do people think is in soap that isn’t in shower gel, or vice versa?

Antibacterial ingredients. Remember Covid? Did you use shower gel or antibacterial soap and hand sanitiser?

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