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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse to take responsibility for DP's dog walk before work

128 replies

italianprincess · 13/04/2025 21:30

DP has just got a new job which has fixed hours. She has to be at work for 9am Monday - Friday. It is a 20-25 minute drive to her new job. In her previous job she had a lot more flexibility, worked from home and could pretty much choose the hours she worked.
I have always had a job where I have to be in the office by 10am at the latest but I prefer getting in for 9am so that I can finish at 5pm rather than 6pm. Most people in my office arrive between 8 and 8.30am but I'm rarely there that early. It takes me an hour to get to work (40 minute drive and then 20 minute walk from the car park).
Until now DP and I have had an agreement where she walks the dog first thing in the morning Monday-Thursday and I do Friday-Sunday. The Friday has worked for me because I often work from home on a Friday and then I'm off work on Sat and Sunday.
DP has now said that she will be unable to walk the dog in the mornings due to starting her new job. She doesn't start her job officially for a couple of weeks but she is going into work tomorrow for a training course which starts at 9.15am. She has asked me if I can walk the dog in the morning, but I've said no. I don't want to set a precedent where she expects me to walk the dog every morning of the week just because she now has to work from 9am, which I've had to do the whole time. Her response to my refusal was 'well I don't know how he's going to get walked then because I have to be at work for 9.15am'. She has 40 minutes less of a commute than I do and people all over the world manage to walk their dog before starting work in the morning.
AIBU?

OP posts:
pelargoniums · 14/04/2025 06:55

If DP is PT and presumably walking the dog in the afternoons 5x a week as well, maybe OP should do 5x morning walks a week. Take it in turns on the weekend.

Really need clarity on whether it’s DP’s dog or their joint dog, though. And why they got a dog as they don’t appear to like dogs.

Lovelyview · 14/04/2025 07:26

Ilovelurchers · 14/04/2025 01:02

My first thoughts are that the relationship sounds quite unpleasant and almost competitive, with little compassion or understanding shown to each other, but instead this almost legalistic approach ("precedents" etc).

Seconelyz for the purposes of this post I am going to assume that both of you find the need to walk the dog early before work an unpleasant shore? I am actually with you on this, I love our dog but I also love my sleep and morning routine. Whereas dog walks on the weekend are totally different - fun, relaxed, no rush, you can take as long as you like - it's one of the main pleasures in having a dog, and i assume if you didn't enjoy leisurely walks with it, you wouldn't have the dog.

I assume that when your partner agreed to the current arrangement, she did not work out of the homez so it made perfect sense for both of you that she walk the dog most week days, while you get to enjoy the pleasure and privilege of a relaxing weekend dog walk. Nice of her - she sounds like a supportive, understanding partner who was happy to prioritise your needs and happiness.

Not you both work and need to leave at similar times in the morning, it would be grossly unfair for you to insist on still only doing the fun, relaxed dog walks, whereas four days out of five your partner has to get up early (while you lounge in bed?) to perform the unpleasant chore of a rushed early morning dog walk before work. What gives you the right to pull this kind of rank on her? The fact that a different arrangement was made when both your circumstances were entirely different? That is so not cool OP, and if she accepts it, she is a mug. But why do YOY want to do this to her? Do you always prioritise your own happiness and needs, and entirely disregard hers?

I am amazed that anybody has said you are in the right. Almost to the extent that I wonder if I have misread the situation somehow? (Please accept my apologies and correct me if my understanding is wrong). Or maybe other people aren't understanding you? As you are vague in your posts about times, but it seems to me you will both now need to leave the house around 8:20/8:30. But you don't care about that and stoop think she should get up much earlier almost every morning, which you should enjoy the weekend walks?

The only possible fair solution is that you split monday-Thursday between you, alternate Friday, and enjoy Saturday and Sunday walks together, as a chance to strengthen your relationship and learn more about what makes the other happy......

I agree. I think @italianprincess has left it deliberately vague and hasn't clarified anything so they can show their partner all the, frankly, nasty and ill informed comments abusing their partner. As @Ilovelurchers and I said upthread. It might be both their dog - the op says it's the dp's 'dogwalk' not dog, they haven't clarified if the dp does more afternoon walks and haven't clarified if there are any children to look after.

TheseCalmSeas · 14/04/2025 07:39

2dogsandabudgie · 13/04/2025 21:42

The poor dog. You both sound immature. You need to discuss this and come up with a solution. I don't know why people bother getting a dog if they work long hours and the dog is left on it's own.

Agree with most of this.

Seems really immature from both sides.

I had 2 dogs, started at 9am with 30 mins commute and would just get up early enough to walk them. It’s not rocket science. HOWEVER my partner would have covered any walks had I requested it because that is PARTNERSHIP.

Usernamesarenoteasy · 14/04/2025 08:28

I start work at 6am. I have an hours commute. My dogs are still walked for minimum half an hour before I go to work.

2dogsandabudgie · 14/04/2025 08:33

Mydietstartstomorrow · 14/04/2025 06:46

Why? Where in the dog owning rule book does it say the dog has to be walked first thing?

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Of course the dog needs to be walked before the OP and her partner go to work in the morning. To not walk it is cruel.

Queeneel · 14/04/2025 08:38

Why does the DP work part time?

Hayley1256 · 14/04/2025 08:42

Why can't she get up earlier?

Inertia · 14/04/2025 08:45

Who does the dog belong to? If it’s partner’s dog, then partner needs to take responsibility and get up earlier.

If it’s a shared/ family dog, then you figure out a fair arrangement following a change in circumstances.

If it’s your dog, you sort it.

Naunet · 14/04/2025 09:06

I'd like to know if there are kids involved and who deals with that in the mornings.

Shorkie · 14/04/2025 09:11

Why can't she get up earlier?

I am in work for 8:30am every day, have a 30-40 minute commute.. I get up at 6am, out the door for 6:15am to take the dog on a 40 minute walk each morning. Get back, have a coffee, quick shower, put makeup on, get dressed. It never feels particularly rushed either.

If she takes food to work, she just needs to get her stuff sorted the night before.

It can be done! If you do it once, it'll turn into twice and then before you know it you'll be doing it all week.

HelenWheels · 14/04/2025 09:18

why don't you compromise
you do one extra morning

Naunet · 14/04/2025 09:26

Also, why do you get only 3 days, 2 of which are the weekend? Sounds like you need to re-split the days and make it a bit more fair.

Pricelessadvice · 14/04/2025 09:31

She gets up earlier to do her share of the dog walk. It’s not rocket science.

I have a yard of horses to do before work everyday. If I have to be in work earlier, then I get up earlier to ensure the horses are all fed, turned out and mucked out beforehand. If that means it’s a 5am start, so be it.

KittensSchmittens · 14/04/2025 09:41

Good lord, DH and I fight over who gets to do the dog walk. It's a precious bit of peace, quiet and exercise in the fresh air. Walking the dog will make you live a longer, healthier life 🤣 Maybe a change of perspective is needed.

thornbury · 14/04/2025 09:48

I am at work by 7, have a 30 minute commute, and I have already walked the dog before I leave home. It's very doable. All you need is an alarm clock, a dog, suitable clothing and a front door. Your DP needs to get a grip.

Eastertidings · 14/04/2025 11:24

It's not confusing? It literally says in the title it's DPs dog. IDK what world you all live in but in my world a pet is basically the owners hobby. Nobody gets to buy a pet then tell me I'm responsible for 50% of its care just because I live in the same house. I like dogs, but in this scenario I'd only be offering to walk the dog occasionally, when I felt like it. There'd already be more housework to suck up because of muddy paws, wet noses, shedding hair and coat grease. All of which gets everywhere. It's not like there's no compromise involved in living with a dog.

Naunet · 14/04/2025 11:26

Eastertidings · 14/04/2025 11:24

It's not confusing? It literally says in the title it's DPs dog. IDK what world you all live in but in my world a pet is basically the owners hobby. Nobody gets to buy a pet then tell me I'm responsible for 50% of its care just because I live in the same house. I like dogs, but in this scenario I'd only be offering to walk the dog occasionally, when I felt like it. There'd already be more housework to suck up because of muddy paws, wet noses, shedding hair and coat grease. All of which gets everywhere. It's not like there's no compromise involved in living with a dog.

No, it says DPs dog walk, that's not saying its her dog.

Kitjo · 14/04/2025 11:40

Don’t either of you like the dog? It should be a great thing to do with him!! Go together and enjoy the experience rather than making it a chore and battle of wills

Pricelessadvice · 14/04/2025 11:42

Eastertidings · 14/04/2025 11:24

It's not confusing? It literally says in the title it's DPs dog. IDK what world you all live in but in my world a pet is basically the owners hobby. Nobody gets to buy a pet then tell me I'm responsible for 50% of its care just because I live in the same house. I like dogs, but in this scenario I'd only be offering to walk the dog occasionally, when I felt like it. There'd already be more housework to suck up because of muddy paws, wet noses, shedding hair and coat grease. All of which gets everywhere. It's not like there's no compromise involved in living with a dog.

It’s a shared dog. She’s talking about OP’s dog walk, as in her share of the dog walking. The title is DP’s dog walk, not DP’s dog’s walk.

Mydietstartstomorrow · 14/04/2025 11:49

2dogsandabudgie · 14/04/2025 08:33

Of course the dog needs to be walked before the OP and her partner go to work in the morning. To not walk it is cruel.

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Oh don’t be so ridiculous and dramatic as long as the dog is walked during the day at some point there is no issue. Dog walkers don’t show up till later in the morning or afternoon, is that cruel?! 🙄

2dogsandabudgie · 14/04/2025 12:19

I would like to think that if a dog walker isn't coming until the afternoon, that the dog's owners are caring enough to give it an early morning walk.

Even if the dog walker is coming late morning, it still needs a short walk or would you expect it to sit with it's legs crossed.

Pricelessadvice · 14/04/2025 12:57

Mydietstartstomorrow · 14/04/2025 11:49

Oh don’t be so ridiculous and dramatic as long as the dog is walked during the day at some point there is no issue. Dog walkers don’t show up till later in the morning or afternoon, is that cruel?! 🙄

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Some dogs won’t toilet in their own garden, so yes, a dog may well need to be walked first thing.

Mydietstartstomorrow · 14/04/2025 13:00

Pricelessadvice · 14/04/2025 12:57

Some dogs won’t toilet in their own garden, so yes, a dog may well need to be walked first thing.

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Yes, “may” but this person was stating it was cruel not to walk a dog first thing which is frankly ridiculous

rookiemere · 14/04/2025 13:21

YANBU unless it was your idea to get the dog in the first place, rather than a shared one as I would hate to have to work until 6pm just because my DP was apparently unable to walk a dog before they leave the house at 9.15 am.

DH leaves the house at 8 ish and cycles in and walks rookiedog before then. I will do it if I am wfh and he is desperate or unwell, but I find if I do it in the morning as well as lunchtime, I get resentful as he is the one who wanted a dog and he is the one who cut back on the paid dog walking.

I do find it funny that apparently unless you relish every single walk, you can’t be a good dog owner. Mostly it’s just like having DCs with a lot of repetitive slog and the occasional bright spot at the beach.

JorgyPorgy · 14/04/2025 13:41

Mydietstartstomorrow · 14/04/2025 13:00

Yes, “may” but this person was stating it was cruel not to walk a dog first thing which is frankly ridiculous

Edited
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As a former owner of dogs, they do need to go for a morning walk, they may end up constipated etc or messing on floor if not. Some dogs don’t like to toilet in their gardens.
In my view it’s a bit neglectful not to take your dog for a walk at least a couple times a day, morning & evening .