To refuse to take responsibility for DP's dog walk before work

[italianprincess]

DP has just got a new job which has fixed hours. She has to be at work for 9am Monday - Friday. It is a 20-25 minute drive to her new job. In her previous job she had a lot more flexibility, worked from home and could pretty much choose the hours she worked.
I have always had a job where I have to be in the office by 10am at the latest but I prefer getting in for 9am so that I can finish at 5pm rather than 6pm. Most people in my office arrive between 8 and 8.30am but I'm rarely there that early. It takes me an hour to get to work (40 minute drive and then 20 minute walk from the car park).
Until now DP and I have had an agreement where she walks the dog first thing in the morning Monday-Thursday and I do Friday-Sunday. The Friday has worked for me because I often work from home on a Friday and then I'm off work on Sat and Sunday.
DP has now said that she will be unable to walk the dog in the mornings due to starting her new job. She doesn't start her job officially for a couple of weeks but she is going into work tomorrow for a training course which starts at 9.15am. She has asked me if I can walk the dog in the morning, but I've said no. I don't want to set a precedent where she expects me to walk the dog every morning of the week just because she now has to work from 9am, which I've had to do the whole time. Her response to my refusal was 'well I don't know how he's going to get walked then because I have to be at work for 9.15am'. She has 40 minutes less of a commute than I do and people all over the world manage to walk their dog before starting work in the morning.
AIBU?

Do you have young children.
If so who gets them ready and sorted for school.
Instead of getting het up about this.
Talk to each other as if you are married it's a TEAM.

You need to swap the days around as a pp has said. You currently walk the dog on non commuting days while she does it 4 days a week to your 3. You need to change this so you do at least one commuting day. Does she also walk the dog more after work? You didn't mention this.

?? The op does walk the dog 3 days a week. They both have a 9am start but the ops job is an hour away. The dp should bloody well get out of bed and walk her dog!!

Why should the op do 4 days and the dp 3 when they both have 9am starts, but the op works an hour away and the dp 25 minutes, and it is the dps dog???

I would presume the op did not get the dog?

The dp could spend less time getting ready so more time for the dog they chose to have

She will have to get up an hour earlier??

Actually I think despite the thread title saying dps dog, it’s not clear if it’s a joint dog. So they should carry on jointly. Which in my book is the part time dp with the shorter commute does 4 days.

op, you don’t mention children and replies are based on no dc. If it turns out there are some and the dp is also getting them ready, then it is a completely different story.

If it is that much of a chore to get up earlier to walk the dog, then neither of you should have a dog. What a ridiculous post.

Op. Do you have kids? who walks the dog in the evening and whose dog is it?

ESH. Whose dog is it? If you both got this dog together then you’re both unreasonable. A dog is for life, not just when your working pattern suits. you both need to be prepared to get up early to take the dog for a proper walk before you leave it alone for several hours. If this was a joint dog adoption you should both be willing to do this. It shouldn’t just be your partner every weekday because you only want to do it on your days off, nor should she shove it all onto you because she’s too lazy to get up in the morning.

I don’t have a dog because I know I cba with getting up early to take one out, among other binds of dog ownership. You made a choice. You both need to grow up and step up. It’s a sentient being, not a toy.

Part time and a short commute-she can get her arse out of bed and walk her dog early before she goes to work

Agreed. She is cruel if she won’t do this

One partner getting a new job is a fair enough trigger point for renegotiating the dog walking.

Go back to the drawing board together and start from scratch to find something that feels fair to you both.

Does anyone actually like the dog?

It's not the OP's dog. It's the OP's partner's dog. Why are you making the OP responsible for their partner's decisions?

This is probably a sign that you shouldn't have children together as neither of you seem very committed to looking after the dog. You both have bucket loads of time Before you start work.

YANBU, don’t even do it once. Don’t start the precedent.

Totally agree. Actually it's fine to have a dog and to work. It's not fine to have a dog and not be able to make sensible arrangements for your pet.

This is a tiresome reverse isn’t it

It's the partner's 'dog walk' not necessarily the partner's dog.

Is the poor dog at home all day on its own then?

I start at 6am and leave at 5;30am. DH leaves at 7:30 , we both work PT, I work five days - him 3. But Im still up an hour earlier to walk the dog on work days, he does the mornings at the weekends when I have other commitments

We have always had a dog as a couple and we have taken turn and turn about. First dog, he took to work with him for that day, I did the early mornings and late evenings, second dog I was PT and picked my hours, ( usually late afternoon early evenings ) so he did the early quick walk, Id have the dog during the day and he had the last walk

We have over the years, used dog walkers and day care if we haven't been able to meet the dogs needs

The partner is still working fewer hours a week and has a shorter commute than OP. I don't see why the current arrangement has to change.

Since she's the one demanding what seems like an unnecessary change, at first glance, I'd side with you.

However, "refusing," which you're both doing, isn't showing great relationship skills. What will you do when a real problem arises?

Do you really want to "win" and have your partner "lose" if it matters a lot to her?

I'd tell her you think you're both being stubborn and that you would like to have a discussion and work out something you can both live with.

First, I'd try to discover why doesn't she want to walk the dog in the mornings now? Is she, perhaps, worried about being able to adjust to getting there in the morning and anxious now about the added pressure of walking the dog? Maybe too embarrassed about that to admit it? Or is there something else you're not aware of?

Next, consider what's the most you'd be satisfied giving up, if anything? Would you, for example, walk the dog on "her" mornings if she did something for you in exchange? If so, what?

Like that. Keep going until you both understand each other's perspectives and have reached a resolution. Remember you like each other.

Or, if she's often like this and depending on the rest of your relationship plus its duration, it may even become a step in you realizing she's not the one for you.

Good luck with it.

You both need to take an equal share across the whole week in getting up earlier to walk the dog so that you can both get to work at your desired times. It really is that simple.