Social services in bedrooms

[Ythough]

I have two children from my first marriage who are late teens/adults and one child from a subsequent relationship.

Youngest child’s dad lives at the opposite side of the country and my child spends time there in the school holidays. The ready of the time they live with me.

There has been an issue at dad’s house that may or may not affect my DC, as such social services want to be involved and make an assessment regarding wether or not DC should be having contact at Dad’s.

I have agreed that they can come and speak with DC here, at school, speak with their doctor, whatever they need. To have these meetings I am having to take time of work but it’s important so I am just doing what they ask.

Now on their first visit they explained all the issues, then said, right we need to look around the house and see the children’s bedrooms.

I allowed this but I am wondering why they needed to look around my home considering this investigation has nothing what so ever to do with me other than being DCs mum and more so, why they needed to check my older children’s rooms when they have absolutely nothing to do with youngest DCs dad.

Teen DD was horrified as she is a messy teen, older DC was away at uni so they just went in to look around and came back out.

so AIBU to think this wasn’t at all necessary?

Respectfully, you cannot state "nothing invasive", when to some people, simply having a stranger be in there room, even for a few moments is invasive to them.

Besides, if a child was at uni, they are then an adult, and SS should not have stepped foot in their room.

You know of course that courts remove children from their homes, not SSD, they have no power apart from court orders or if the police remove

And it does make sense, a referral in about eithr this child or another child living in the father's home, means that the children's experience needs to be assessed, thats their whole experience.

You know this, but they didn't. By giving them access to look around, they now know this.

With mistakes being made in some high profile cases recently I'd imagine there's a process they have to go through to make sure they don't miss anything.

SWs get a full picture of the family set up.
Also dad might be so peeved when contact is stopped that he makes allegations against mum, older siblings—-SS have ascertained all is ok.

Thank you, I guess this makes sense, although how seeing older kids bedrooms could rule out abuse accusations I'm not certain, but I suppose it's all part and parcel of the whole family background and housing situation. Seems reasonable.

Of course it feels invasive if SS want to look around your home and anyone would feel the same as you. It is invasive. But presumably they have to make a report on the child's life as a whole, which includes their home life with you. Also, it's not unusual for the parent being investigated (your ex) making counter-allegations about the other parent (you) so SS will be able to say they have looked at your child's home and found it to be a safe and loving home. I hope this is all sorted out for you quickly, it must be very stressful.

OP, I don’t want to say too much on here but we had similar to this in 2023. Basically dad was accused of abuse (assault) and police and social services involved. The children at that time were visiting dad’s house for a few hours once a week and hadn’t had an overnight in months, basically living with me full time. One DC made an allegation and I reported it. Social workers never once visited dad’s house and only spoke to him by phone a couple of times. The whole investigation centred around us, my home and family including the DC who weren’t his (DC I’ve had since we’ve separated). I could talk for hours about what we went through, but I won’t because it could be outing. We had that too though, bedroom checks, fridge and freezer checked, toilet and bathroom checked. We had social workers or police visiting all the time. The allegation was never about me or my “new” (been together years at that point) partner. I even checked at one point that XH hadn’t made an allegation about me/us that I wasn’t being told about. But no. It was hell. Eventually he got away with it, due to lack of evidence rather than his innocence, and eventually we got a really positive report calling me a good mother etc. I’m sorry you are going through this now. Please feel free to message me as I say I don’t want to out myself too much on here by saying too much.

I wonder whether it’s just a standard thing they do whenever visiting a child at home. It takes only a few minutes and could uncover something unconnected that hadn’t been reported. Just a guess though.

Dad knows that contact might be stopped, he hasn’t been able to have DC these Easter holidays and he knows I am cooperating with social services.

I just hope that the outcome is what’s best for DC.

I understand a little more about building up the whole picture and all the high profile cases, just given the specifics (which frustratingly I can’t actually say) it seems silly and unnecessary. Hey ho I will continue to cooperate.

It seems intrusive when it is not your parenting that is under investigation but if SS are completing a review they need to do a full report about your child. That will include stuff like their usual living arrangements (at your house), their school (even if they only see father in holidays) etc.

They’re doing their job. Quite well by the sounds of things. If for some reason they feel that DC isn’t safe at dads, then they need to ensure they’ve checked out the home of the primary carer and all is ok. This is what they’re doing. Let them see whatever they want to. And don't be obstructive. If both homes had risks or challenges it’s a very different situation. They’re just making sure DC is safe.
I know it’s worrying.

@Ythough Look at it this way: your ex won’t be able to say "I don’t know why you’re picking on me, it’s no better than this at Ythough's house!"

The issue isn’t even a problem with living conditions, they are checking DC hadn’t been exposed to something that the police are investigating in EXs second family, but I see where you are coming from.

Just to add I haven’t been obstructive at all, I am engaging fully including taking time off work to meet with them and allowing them unrestricted access to my family and home.

It's from the Victoria climbe case. No-one checked where she was sleeping & she was actually sleeping in the bathroom with no bed.
So they've made it more stringent to make sure they've seen where the children sleep.
I was part of the decision making about that very practice following her death.

You need to look at it from another perspective.
So yes the complaint wasn’t about you or your dc living conditions at your home but they are assessing whether your ex home is adequate etc. Imagine if they deemed this as not. That’s why they need to see where the children live most of the time is.
If it wasn’t and they’d stopped dc staying at ex home and yours was worse ? They have to follow due process. So they are just ensuring dc home conditions are acceptable.

So this isn’t the actual situation but close enough to be comparable.

Say Ex and his partner had a massive row and the police were called and Ex was arrested. Which has caused social services involvement. Social services would want to check if DC had been exposed to that and whether future visits were a safe guarding concern.

It would be entirely irrelevant to their bedroom at home.

like I say that’s not exactly what has happened but along those lines.

Any assessment of a child includes their living conditions!

If it helps OP familiarise yourself with the layout of Children and Family assessments and the Every Child Matters policies and the Assessment Framework. Look at the categories and ask yourself if you would be able to answer the areas and assess them, analyse them, cross reference them and triangulate information without seeking to find out how they are cared for.

I wonder whether it’s just a standard thing they do whenever visiting a child at home. It takes only a few minutes and could uncover something unconnected that hadn’t been reported. Just a guess though.

It is standard for a first home visit. It’s not at all unusual for the public areas of a home to be well presented while the private areas are squalid. It’s not unheard of for one child to be treated very differently to others in the family, or for there literally to be no food in the house. Social workers need to check. Could you imagine the uproar if something tragic happened and it turns out social work were in the home and didn’t check the home conditions fully.

It’s because if SS decide to got to court to apply to have access to dads house removed they need to be sure and have evidence that the other residence they aren’t placing child in full time is safe and secure.

I know the incident has nothing to do with your home and you aren’t under investigation - but imagine if they didn’t check this - placed a child FT with one parent with no unsupervised contact with the other - and it turned out it wasn’t safe.

If this goes to family court and the judge asks “what is the environment in mums house like” because he wants to place child there and SS cannot offer any answer beyond “well the kitchen was clean”

Now this actually makes sense to me. It’s a box ticking exercise due to historic failures. I can respect that and would much rather someone have a quick nosy round my home necessarily or not, than any other child go under the radar and end up dead.

Looking at it from that perspective helps.

Thanks - that also helps me to understand it.

Would they have to go to court to say no contact? I have agreed to follow any recommendations that they make, I didn’t realise it might end up court ordered.

But surely then they should be checking the child’s bedroom, Not the other children, let alone the room of the adult child in the house??

Sadly some homes are very clean and tidy when SS arrange to visit in relation to one child. Including their bedroom. SW’s should have professional curiosity and look at the bigger picture. Do the other children’s rooms have beds, clothing, toiletries, books, curtains and everything you’d expect. Or is it just the one that’s ‘staged’ in preparation for a scheduled visit.
I can completely understand if you’re a good parent that you’d never look at things through this lens. But SS have to. I’m guessing that’s why OP is struggling to understand.
Not every parent looks after their children well, sadly. They don’t know you and they’re doing their job.

No they'd be looking at where they all sleep, all of the children.

We don’t know what’s in question here - the OP hasn’t said.