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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think grandparents do not have to ttoreat their step grandchildren exactly the same way as their blood grandchildren? Part 2

204 replies

betnet · 13/04/2025 10:31

Previous thread

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amibeingunreasonable/5308130-to-think-grandparents-do-not-have-to-treat-their-step-grandchildren-exactly-the-same-way-as-their-blood-grandchildren?page=40&reply=143511587

No one is advocating that people be cruel or unkind to step children.

OP posts:
aCatCalledFawkes · 14/04/2025 16:54

Walkaround · 14/04/2025 16:25

No. I’m suggesting, as Whatsgoingonherethenagain has put it, that there is financial fairness and emotional fairness, and the OP has made a thread where it is not actually possible to see the emotional fairness in the situation. She has basically painted a picture that sounds emotionally unfair, and made no effort to explain anything which should lead posters who have commented that this is the impression she is giving to think anything different.

Show quote history

See I don’t get that from her at all.
She’s had people suggesting bonkers things like elderly relatives being told there not buying enough Christmas presents too her DD friend not buying presents for all the kids - my daughter always gets Christmas presents from friends, it’s completely normal, my 13yr old got a presents from his girlfriend last year.
She hasn’t said they are unwelcome or that she is unkind to them.
The SC do have two parents who should be supporting there own kids. Not expecting OP to be some magic fairy godmother who pays for everything because they won’t.

Walkaround · 14/04/2025 16:59

Yet, since you appear to think I have at any point suggested the OP should be paying her step-children’s private school fees, or telling uncles who to give presents to, you don’t seem to have read the two threads particularly carefully. You have even called the OP bonkers.

aCatCalledFawkes · 14/04/2025 17:02

Walkaround · 14/04/2025 16:59

Yet, since you appear to think I have at any point suggested the OP should be paying her step-children’s private school fees, or telling uncles who to give presents to, you don’t seem to have read the two threads particularly carefully. You have even called the OP bonkers.

Calling her bonkers was an ln accident to be fair as I posted further up.

InterIgnis · 14/04/2025 17:04

SleeplessInWherever · 14/04/2025 16:36

I am by no means “well off,” not by the standards of those who have real wealth.

However I am definitely more comfortable than I was even 10 years ago, and certainly more than others in my family/circle.

If anything I’ve seen that make me more likely to share - gifts get more expensive, weekends away booked etc. To go back to an earlier point, I’d buy someone else’s child a game, and not think about the £20 that “lost.”

I see my high tax input as benefitting those worse off, and completely am fine with that. I’d pay more if it helped more.

The point I’m making is that having more, in my personal experience, doesn’t have to mean sharing less.

Perhaps the difference again, is that the money is earned and not generational or given.

I’m grateful to have it and see no issue with sharing it, because I’ve been a “have not.” Perhaps if you’ve never been a “have not,” you’re less bothered about those that are.

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Like I said, I’m generalizing on a macro level about observable patterns of human behavior, and what the conscious and unconscious motivations behind them may be.

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