to think grandparents do not have to ttoreat their step grandchildren exactly the same way as their blood grandchildren? Part 2

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Previous thread

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/amibeingunreasonable/5308130-to-think-grandparents-do-not-have-to-treat-their-step-grandchildren-exactly-the-same-way-as-their-blood-grandchildren?page=40&reply=143511587

No one is advocating that people be cruel or unkind to step children.

I am not obsessed with making sure the step GC do not get equal gifts. I am not their parents. That is upto them not me. I don't control what happens in either of their homes.

There is no issue with the school fees. Everything is working fine.

Have you read the thread?

Riding lessons and private education equal greed?

You sound jealous.

Why would it extend to anyone else’s children?

So my mum spends £200 on all her GC - if my brother introduces his new GF and her 3 kids on Christmas Day, she has to fork out an extra £600 she doesn’t have on kids she has never clapped eyes on and may never again?

@JandamiHash not in the real world, but on MN (and PlanetStepChild, where common sense is in short supply), such insanity would be expected. But where does it end? What if the GF’s kids have half siblings, should they also be included????

Like her step children????!

But these aren't step kids. You said yourself the family might meet them only once. Not a great comparison, imo.

Believing that you are owed a share of something that isn’t yours, that you have no claim to as either their dependent or debtor, is at the very least entitled behaviour, and likely a
mindset that will result in those that have it being quite disappointed and dissatisfied with life.

It doesn’t need to be ‘about need’, given there’s more to quality of life than merely the bare necessities (unless you’re a fan of Stoicism, I suppose).

Who fall under the category of ‘anyone else’s children’.

Agreed.

It’s worse then “have” and “have not.” Here it seems to be “have,” and “get off our stuff!”

Telling elderly uncles to buy more stuff for all 6 kids!

Indeed - so why on earth should they be paid for?

You’re obsessed.

Yes. All children should have gifts, unless you’re the Grinch. If for some reason your family don’t want to do that, please do the right thing and hand them out separately.

I believe I’m agreeing with you.

People are obsessed thinking every relation on both sides of the family must buy every child a gift. It is their choice.

🤣There is self-evidently nothing whatsoever in this situation to feel jealous about. I’m not the person whose family wealth has been diluted by inconvenient clingons, as they appear to be viewed. Ooohh, there are just so many of them. How can anyone possibly be expected to include them in anything nice? They are their biological parents’ responsibility and nobody else’s, don’t you know?

Very against gift buying for SC.

Poor plebeian children, those of us suggesting someone buys them a small gift should be ashamed of ourselves. They deserve dust, and to spend their Christmas in the shed.

Lol, OP’s hasn’t been diluted either, which is precisely the problem for some posters.

Yes, they are indeed the responsibility of their biological parents.

The sanctimonious posts about Christmas in the shed for SC and giving the SC dust are funny though 😂

It seems to be causing a lot of problems for some posters! @InterIgnis

No, the problem for some posters is nothing to do with the OP as grandparent maintaining a status quo not of her creation, it’s to do with the way the OP’s dd and sil have rubbed the inequalities in the step-children’s faces, and the way the OP defends that. And yes, of course the family wealth is diluted by a marriage to a man who already has four other children to support - either that makes the family less well off than it would otherwise be, or he’s a monster who won’t pay towards his own children.

It’s not a case of ‘of course family wealth is diluted’ at all. Finances don’t have to be merged, and there are ways to protect family assets.

Op’s family wealth is not being diluted because it’s not being spent on her daughter’s stepchildren. For all we know her daughter keeps her finances completely separate to those of her husband as well, given that he has a financial responsibility she does not share.

I’m not sure how the SIL is a monster because he and his wife have agreed between them that she and her mother will cover the costs of private school. He’s treating his children equally in fact, by not paying for private school for any of them.

That it does.

The hyperbole is off the charts in this thread. Who knew there was no middle ground between Little Lord Fauntleroy and the Little Matchgirl?

Now I wonder how careful the biological grandparents, great-aunts and uncles of the OP’s four step-grandkids’ other step-siblings, with whom they live, are to spend equally on their own two grandchildren, and their four step-grands, and hey, surely they should think of their daughter-in-law’s ex-husband’s two children with his second wife…

If my DD marries her boyfriend, and his son becomes my step-grandson, he will still get as much as he’s been getting from his own bio grandparents, my DGS will still get what he’s been getting from me (which isn’t much, I spend £30, not £300 or £3000).

@YourWinter people are proposing the GC's elderly uncle should be told to buy all 6 gifts or nothing for any of them to make it fair. DD's friends should also be told to buy for the four step GC.

Or the other suggestion, instead of individual gifts, buy a box of biscuits for everyone to share! Just what every child and teen would want!

The fact is, the family is less well off because the dh has six children to support. It is quite frankly ridiculous to argue otherwise, especially when the OP is moaning so much about there being so many of them. I’m sure if it weren’t for the four inconvenient step-children, the OP wouldn’t actually need to be funding quite so much of her grandchildren’s lifestyles from her own money.

If equality is the aim, are the mother of the six children, and her parents/aunts/uncles/siblings, and the father of her two younger children and his parents etc etc spending equally on all six?

Do the OP’s step-grandchildren see more or less of their biological grandparents? Presumably OP has met the son-in-law’s parents, are they too taking the view that OP should greatly increase her financial support for their grandchildren?