To not reply/congratulate friend?

[AllThaJazzz]

University friend of 15 years.

I tried to keep in touch but basically, the friendship fizzled, as happens! No hard feelings.

She is very annoyed/upset that I haven't said congratulations that she has recently had a baby.

Now, she didn't reply when my mother died, when I moved or when I got married.

AIBU to not go out my way to say congrats when she hasn't given me the time of day for years?!

YANBU. I would reply ‘Where were you when I needed you when my mother died and when I got married?’

This person isnt a friend.

A horrible cunt, most definitely.

Anyone that cannot contact/share condolences on a major family loss like a parent is a colossal fucking cunt and should deservedly be called out and told they are.

Fuck her. You owe her nothing.

Exactly! Clearly we're just not friends anymore. Why should the world revolve around her?!

wtf? She didn’t reply when your mum died? And has the audacity to call you out for not congratulating her on the birth of her child??

how on earth did she phrase that?!

just tell her to fuck off.

or totally ignore.

or just resend the message you sent when your mum died, with no further comment.

I feel your hurt OP
The very same happened when my beloved gran died. I didn’t want heck loada of attention. Just a text would sufficed.
So no, I was not going to gush just because she had reproduced.

sorry that sounds awful. It was just painful.
So sorry about your mum. I understand you.

^^ This.

I think it depends, if she messaged you directly to say she'd had a baby and you didn't reply, I'd say yabu. Takes 2 seconds to reply congratulations.

If she just posted a picture of the baby on Facebook and is annoyed you didn't comment then yanbu.

Thank you. I did doubt myself but then the fact she didn't reply/reach out when I was at such a low point really showed that we weren't friends anymore.

I'm baffled as to why my congrats even matters!

Not acknowledging your mother's death is unforgivable. I've dumped so-called friends for that.

She should have just stayed quiet. Since she hasn't, I would absolutely reply with "You didn't say a single word to me when my mother died. Silence hurts, doesn't it?"

Did you invite her to your wedding?

I don’t think I would be able to contain myself at this point .

call her out or radio silence is the only two options here .

give yourself time to decide which way you want to do no urgency of responding.

I did! She didn't even RSVP with a no. Just ignored it.

Did she initiate contact to tell you she was annoyed, or has someone else told you?

She sounds unhinged.
Move on and forget about her op.

Exactly this..

If it was open to all on social media I'd just keep it straight and say "oh didn’t realise you were still on socials as never heard from you when mum died"

How do you know she’s upset?

I don't think I could resist congratulating her and asking why you never heard from her when your mum died or when you got married.

Send her a message saying:

”Sorry xx I hadn’t known how to contact you. I assumed your number had changed because I messaged you with a wedding invitation plus letting you know my mother had passed away and didn’t get a response, so I assumed you hadn’t got the messages.

Anyway now I see your details remain the same so congratulations I guess.”

Awful op. Yes I think we need to call out bad behaviour. Thats lousy.

Yes although reading through the other replies I think it also does change things if op has sent direct messages that were ignored in the past. I just assumed that it was all a lack of reaching out despite them both being able to see updates about each others lives on social media.

Ignore her.

How do you know that she had a baby and she annoyed that you didn’t congratulated her?
Im asking because it’s unclear how you know about all these. Im not in contact with my uni friend for various reasons, she might have a grandchild by now or any other news and obviously I didn’t congratulate her with them and I have no idea if she annoyed with me or not.

I would be tempted to say.. Fuck off you self centred bitch. You ignored me when my mother died and when I got married so why should I care about your baby?

But ignoring her gives a stronger message.

The death of a parent is a good way of showing you who your friends are. She's not one.

Think calling it out like this is perfect really - she’s not a friend and it’s absolutely bizarre that she’s spending her newborn time like this.