To not reply/congratulate friend?

[AllThaJazzz]

University friend of 15 years.

I tried to keep in touch but basically, the friendship fizzled, as happens! No hard feelings.

She is very annoyed/upset that I haven't said congratulations that she has recently had a baby.

Now, she didn't reply when my mother died, when I moved or when I got married.

AIBU to not go out my way to say congrats when she hasn't given me the time of day for years?!

I’d be a bit more blunt in my reply.

X, you didn’t rsvp to my wedding invite or offer congratulations, nor did you offer sympathies or even acknowledge the death of my parent, so not sure why you think I’d bother to congratulate you on a baby?

How do you know she is upset with you if you don't keep in touch, how did she know about your mother dying, etc?

Either a friendship has fizzled out or it hasn't.

"oh okay, I'd assumed from the lack of responses that we just weren't acknowledging major life events anymore."

I liked my idea here until I just now read the response above which ends with "oh I see your details remain the same" 🤣 That one is gold, use that. Don't add the baby congratulations because she'll probably just focus on that bit and respond with a twatty thank you.

'Oh my congratulations card must be lost in the same sorting office as your RSVP to my wedding and your sympathy card when my mum passed'

Yeah this. ^ Don't be nice @AllThaJazzz Or even better. Ignore and block her.

Also curious as to how you know she's pissed off and annoyed that you haven't responded? Who told you that?

"She is very annoyed/upset that I haven't said congratulations that she has recently had a baby."

out of interest, how did you learn this?

based on what you have said so far i wouldn't give her the satisfaction of an explanation & would - instead - completely ignore this person, someone never to be contacted again 👍🏾

Completely ignore her.
What a twat.

@AllThaJazzz How do you know your friend is annoyed that you didn't message her about her baby?
I think it's entirely fair you didn't reach out given she didn't respond to your wedding invite or offer a message of support/sympathy when your mum died (I'm sorry.) 💐

I had a similar situation over 10 years ago when I deleted a friend on FB that I hadn't exchanged messages with in a few years and hadn't spoken to at least 1-2 years longer prior to that. After I deleted her she messaged me asking why and when I replied it was because we had lost touch so long ago, she sent back a message that she was hurt as she'd never do that to
me. I ignored it. 🤷‍♀️

No, it should not be one way only - bugger her and her selfishness! Ignore!

When is the last time you've been in contact? Like did she just randomly text you after not talking in years to let you know she's hurt you didn't congratulate her?

Lovely language. Ladylike.

Well, you could always write a faux-nice note and say:

Oh, congratulations! Since I didn't hear from you when my mother died, when I moved or when I got married, I just assumed you didn't want to keep in touch. Best wishes!

OP, believe me - this isn’t a friend and I strongly suspect she is jealous of you and dislikes you somewhat. I have had some jealous and/ or self centred friends and they follow a similar pattern.

In one instance I was always congratulating this friend from uni on her new home/job/car etc and yet when I had a major break in my creative career and told her about the contract I had signed (which she knew was a lifelong dream) she went ghost on me for 3 months mid text conversation. She didn’t even to try to hide her ill-will towards me.

When she got in contact again 3 months later she was asking about something going on in the news during the pandemic. She still refused to congratulate me so I just didn’t respond and I’ve never spoken to her again since. I can see now she had resented me for a while. She mentioned it briefly in that 3 months later text but it was more like “hope xx is going well” as opposed to giving me a clear and enthusiastic congratulations/well done/ I’m happy for you. She very much minimised it as if I’d said to her I was trying out a new gym or something as opposed to me sharing a lifetime achievement with her.

Also had someone ghost me when I didn’t reach out with a congratulatory message after she changed her WhatsApp pic to her and the newborn baby. I can’t say for sure but I figure she was miffed by my silence. I don’t care as she was another one who hadn't been there to clap for me or to console me over the years. I eventually deleted her as a contact. But at least she didn’t have the nerve to confront me about it.

I agree with this direct approach and other posters who have said to be direct. Don’t do the faux congratulations!

As a pp said she’ll just focus on that and kid herself on that you’re being serious about it and that it’s some sort of admission that you’re in the wrong for not reaching out earlier

No! Nearly, but don't add the bit about the baby 🤣

In truth though really don't reply and block.

The good thing about being a woman in 2025 is that there is absolutely no need for us to aspire to 'ladylike' whatsoever.

😂

Wow. She's an entitled €^&€#. Do NOT feel guilty. Just keep on ignoring her.

Given all she has done, or not done, why are you even in contact with this person?

Oh my goodness to think in all the chaos of a new baby she actually had the time and energy to sit with a list and tick off who sent her congratulations or not! Main character defined!

The language is called English.

You might have come across it.

As for "ladylike" - its called freedom of speech. Speech doesnt require a woke gender assignment to it.

I know what you mean but they probably just forget that they are still in their “contacts”

Not sure we’re going to find out how the op knows this person is upset with her

Perfect