To not reply/congratulate friend?

[AllThaJazzz]

University friend of 15 years.

I tried to keep in touch but basically, the friendship fizzled, as happens! No hard feelings.

She is very annoyed/upset that I haven't said congratulations that she has recently had a baby.

Now, she didn't reply when my mother died, when I moved or when I got married.

AIBU to not go out my way to say congrats when she hasn't given me the time of day for years?!

Ignore and block ….

YANBU she sounds like the sort of person who has very one sided friendships, she makes no effort and expects the other person to make all the effort with not so much as a thankyou in return

Why are people assuming there’s a message to reply to?

The OP is yet to divulge how she knows any of this

Yeah, why are you not telling us how you know your 'friend' is pissed off @AllThaJazzz ??? Many posters have asked you.

Because it’s hinted at in the Op - am I being AIBU to not reply/congratulate ?

So we’ve reasonably assumed there is some kind of message to reply to.

Hopefully OP will come back and clarify!

Exactly.

If this has all been conducted via Facebook, I hardly ever see friends' updates these days as it is all ads and groups.

OP, come on! You are better than this.

I always give grace because people have their own lives. To contact you to ask why you haven't congratulated on her new spawn is just not ok with this history especially.

She sounds like she feels superior and expects that deference from others, e.g you.

Not mentally healthy for you so I really would look at this relationship as being very much not in your best interests. You can step away kindly. You don't need to say anything. Yellow rock is the way.

@Wishyouwerehere50 what’s yellow rock?

It's a style of communication that is at the core the most basic level of communication that helps you exit a relationship without any negative fall out. They advise it when dealing with difficult people, particularly narcissistic people. ( I'm not saying the friend is that).

There are good examples online.

Let the ship sink, OP.
She's really not worth your time.

@Wishyouwerehere50 Thank you! I thought that was grey rock, are they two names for the same thing?

@AllThaJazzz she sounds outrageous. I like pp suggestion of a message like “after you blanked my messages about losing my DM, and ignored the invitation I sent you to my wedding, I assumed you no longer had any interest in our friendship. Now I see that your interest is one-way traffic, so congratulations on your baby, but don’t exert yourself to get in touch again as I don’t want that sort of friendship.”

@AlertCat yes. Yellow rock is the fluffier version! 😊 Where you add the very tiniest bit of niceness such as, ' that sounds great for you....bla bla.'. Bit you still close off any room for further chat. No questions, closed and short.

The grey rock version is the colder harsh version.

Ah thanks! That’s useful to know @Wishyouwerehere50

Where’s OP gone?

The irony of making a thread about being ignored and then ignoring the responses 😂

How do you know she’s annoyed?

oh she can fuck off. Block her and don’t give her a second thought.

If that doesn’t feel right a very careful reply saying ‘oh, you didn’t reach out when my mum died, or even reply to my wedding invitation, so I thought you’d stopped considering me a friend.’

This was my thought as well.

Stuff her, she is no friend. Not being bothered about sending condolences on the death of your mother is quite nasty . Ignore all her communications, you do not need someone like her, anywhere near your life. You must always put yourself first in these situations....

If you reply at all, ^ this is what you send

I was prepared to say YABU because if she's a friend of course you should congratulate her. But the mistake is referring to her as a friend. She isn't she moved on and she can't be expecting you to clap her successes when she ignored both your success and your pain NBU

Definitely not what a cheeky cow. She sounds like my so called friends go through shit they disappear then still expect you to be there when it suits them. I have a new way of looking at so called friends now if they don’t text me and it’s all one sided I just eventually give up I cannot be arsed being the the who makes all the effort for zero back. Who needs friends like this.

Gotta do this, then tell us what she says

Well every day is a school day! I have never heard of yellow rocking someone before!

I'd reply with what this poster put.

One of my close friends didn't reach out to me when my mother died. Her excuse was she can't deal with that sort of stuff. I'm thinking I'm dealing with a lot worse?she couldn't even put a sad or caring emoji on my Facebook post. She admitted to seeing the post but decided not to reach out to me. I changed my mind on her then and I haven't met up with her since. Think I've bumped into her a couple times but that's it.